Mike Townsend

Art by Averybee

Mike Townsend
Basic Information
Team	Seattle Garages
Status	Shadowed
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Baking
Coffee Style	Cream & Suger
Blood Type	Fire
Fate	92
Soulscream	EOEAOEOEAOEUIAOUUIAOUUEIAXAEIAXAEUOAEIUOAEIUIIAXEIIAXEIEEIXAEEIXAEIXAAXIXAAXI
Biographical Details
Nickname(s)	TOWNSEND!, Three and Oh Townsend, mike, miiiike, miike no, 👍
Other Background Information
Signature Pitch(es)	Eephus, a different eephus, knuckleball

Mike Townsend was a pitcher for the Seattle Garages and was with the team starting in Season 1.

Official League Records

During the Season 6 elections Townsend "RETREAT[ED] TO SHADOWS" in exchange for Jaylen Hotdogfingers via the Lottery Pick blessing. Townsend has not been incinerated, and is the first player to exit active play without being incinerated.

Personal Life

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

After being blessed with pseudo-thumbs at the end of Season 2, Townsend earned his first win of the season in a 13-7 decision over the Hellmouth Sunbeams. He won his next two starts before losing his fourth, earning the nickname "Three and Oh Townsend". He is best known for being the nominal ace of the Garages pitching staff despite consistently being rated, at one star, among the worst pitchers in Internet League Blaseball.

Early in his career, Townsend had a two-pitch arsenal, consisting of two eephus pitches he insisted are different. After being blessed with pseudo-thumbs, he has developed what blaseball scouts think is a knuckleball.

Despite his subpar numbers and poor reputation, Townsend has performed well historically against slugger Jessica Telephone. The reason for this unlikely success is debated by fans.

In a recent Garages fan poll, Townsend was named "the worst pitcher in the League, professionally and morally" despite there being several pitchers who are statistically worse than him. This has led some to believe that Townsend is among the most hated players in the history of Blaseball.

Music

Townsend is a former member of the Garages' band, Mike Townsend and the Seattle Garages^{[citation needed]}. He was kicked out of the team band for "poor performance." Currently, he is the front man and sole member of The Who's on First (formerly known as The Way Cooler Anyway Mike Townsend Solo Project). During Season 2, the project released their first song, "My Name Is Mike".

Townsend is the subject of the Garages song "Mike Townsend (Is a Disappointment)". The song depicts Townsend as being a disappointment, a loser, and a total disgrace.

Personal Life

Townsend was born in and currently lives in Bellevue, Washington. Some suspect that this is partially the reason for his limited Blaseball success and soured reputation.

Townsend once suggested the Garages change their name to the Seattle Bread, due to his love of whole wheat with extra seeds. This only increased the friction between Townsend and the rest of the Garages.

Townsend is a professional fighting game player, and has even been to EVO. Townsend also manages a YouTube channel, where he recreates early 2000's recipes from his home kitchen.

The Return of Jaylen Hotdogfingers

Mike Townsend was purportedly instrumental in the ritual to help bring back Seattle Mayor and star pitcher Jaylen Hotdogfingers. When approached for comment about the upcoming ritual following the Garages' loss to the Baltimore Crabs in the Season 6 Internet League Blaseball Finals, Townsend's comment was:

Well, rarely these things sort of go the way you want them to. If there's a price that's got to be paid, I'd rather I be the one who paid it, you know? I like to think I've come a long way, but Jaylen, you know, she was - is - something special.

Upon the Seattle Garages returning from the Void in the wake of the ritual conducted to bring back Hotdogfingers, Townsend was seen emerging from the tour bus with a massive egg, from which Hotdogfingers emerged shorly afterwards. He was then seen leaving shortly after celebrations started in the wake of Hotdogfingers' return. Documentation on what happened to Townsend in the wake of Hotdogfiners' revival is scarce. When asked, many members made sure to reiterate that Townsend was still on the team and still around, though many of them, when asked, could not directly remember the last time they had talked to him in the wake of the event. Oliver Mueller commented:

We're all just letting Mike kind of have his space, you know? The dude's been through a lot. He's one of the original members of the team, and it was kind of only just recently he had gotten some kind of respect, and gotten to be a part of the band again. I think he's got a lot of complicated emotions to work out.

Townsend was, expectantly, unavailable for comment.

Fan Art

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  Mike Townsend's dream mech, the OCTO THUMB by @DericBindel