DD/orders

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Orders for the Baltimore Crabs

The following items have been logged in the “Delivery” section of the Baltimore Crabs’s annual expense report, and have been delivered by DD:

Blood.

1 Sabrina the Teenage Witch DVD box set, 3 boxes microwave popcorn, 1 container seasoning salt, 1 box butter

1 peanut, no shell

1 jar of pickles, hold the pickles.

2 tubs of protein powder

🩳

1 2 liter bottle Pepsi, 1 gallon milk

99 melted sundaes

1 dozen Maryland blue crabs (live)

party platter of Gliant Store Brand Sushi

1 large cookie cake with “WE SORRY KEN” written in frosting

1 lb of red glitter, 1 lb of burnt orange glitter, 2 gallons Elmers school glue

1 container Tide Pods, Fresh Coral Blast scent

5 chocolate milkshakes, 3 vanilla milkshakes, 2 strawberry milkshakes, 1 cookies and cream milkshake, 1 cake batter milkshake, 1 mint chocolate chip milkshake

One live softshell crab and pair of kitchen shears, delivery instructions: “arrive at midnight under the full moon. Travel to the crest of the Crabitat, equidistant from each eyestalk. Once there, recite the following: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Take the kitchen shears and quickly cut off the front of the crab 1/4” behind the eyes. Drain the blood onto the stadium below. [DATA EXPUNGED]. Return home.”

1 large canister food grade CO2

5 3lb boxes iodized salt

2 baguettes (stale)

3 Gallons Apple Cranberry Juice

1 64 pack AA batteries
1 64 pack AAA batteries (2 minutes after the previous item was delivered)

3 family size deluxe caesar salads

3 $50 gift cards to Golden Corral (dropped off at an undisclosed location)

As many plastic fairy figurines that can fit in DD’s pockets inconspicuously

45 cinnamon scented car air fresheners

30 sausage and egg mcmuffins

6 orders of hot wings, 1 chicken alfredo pizza (XL), 1 meat lovers’ pizza (XL), 1 garden pizza (XL), 2 bottles of antacid tablets, 1 large jug of Arizona iced tea

2 family size bags of Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos

1 7.5 lb container Old Bay, 1 box firecrackers, 2 rolls paper towels

1 six-pack Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Mountain Dew

Enough temporary tattoos to cover a full-grown adult from neck-down.

quote ‘as much live salmon as you can buy using Kennedy Loser’s credit card’

1 “I Got Crabs In Ocean City Maryland” T-Shirt, 1 strawberry-kiwi smoothie

6 Clhristmas mugs that read “I’m the reason there’s a Naughty List” (ordered in July)

One (1) Banana (Note: Returned)

1 small ice cream cake with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY FINN” written in frosting

1 pack Camel 99s

2 tubes of burn ointment

1 small sweet and sour chicken, 1 small beef with broccoli, 1 small shrimp in lobster sauce, 1 large pork fried rice, 1 pint hot and sour soup, 5 bags “just the crunchy soup wontons”, 2 boxes steamed pork dumplings

8 4 oz jars craft glitter, 1 can compressed air

1 LED Christmas tree soldering practice kit, 1 Hlakko k-tip, 1 Hlakko soldering iron, 1 build your own ham radio kit, 1 small spool of desoldering braid, 1 6oz container of liquid flux, 1 large spool of extra lead soldering wire

5000 finely aged tires, 700 pounds of cigarette butts, a live ball python (included in expense report was a trailer rental)

31 sausage and egg mcmuffins

5 cheesesteak subs (1 no onions, 1 no lettuce no tomato, 1 lettuce and mayo only, 1 onions only, 1 with “wet hot peppers”)

1/2 gallon half & half, 1/2 gallon almond milk, 2lb bag sugar

3 2lb buckets of fish food

32 sausage bacon and egg mcmuffins

2 containers of Pillsbury ready bake cookie dough

1 can whipped cream, 1 can Old Bay, 1 hot chocolate mix

3 dozen poppyseed bagels, one poppyseed bagel sub seeds for fish food

1 chicken burrito with white rice, black beans, cheese, lettuce, and sour cream. 1 medium sprite. 1 side of chips and guac. one of those tiny plastic cups filled to the brim with chipotle flavor tabasco brand hot sauce. extra napkins.

2 bags of ferret food

1 jug of laundry detergent

12 cans of Fancy Feast

Got2Be silver hair dye, 1 gallon of bleach

25 kosher hot dogs (raw)

1 blahaj, 1 birthday card reading “happy birthday chorby”, for delivery into the trench

1 canister compressed air, 1 Zippo lighter, 1 pack sparklers

1 canister of black spray paint, 1 canister of red spray paint, 1 tin of rat poison, and 1 can of Cheese Whiz

724 LED Lights, 3 mirrors, a back-up generator

1 peanut, shell only

4ft tall statue of a moose

2 large watermelon, 2 cantaloupe, 12 oranges, 1 pineapple, 8 apples

1 Carvel brand Fudgey the Whale ice cream cake with “RIV JON HALIFAX” written in frosting

12 iced Dunkin Donuts coffees with blueberry flavor shots

13 share size M&Ms, 1 share size Skittles

Mango Madness flavored blood

2 dozen glazed donuts, 1 black coffee

[REDACTED]

1 SodaStream, 1 gallon milk

Unnamed player’s personal dry cleaning

1 carton strawberries, 1 raw chicken

Lot of 32 Blarbie dolls

6 dozen eggs, 2 lbs shredded cheddar cheese, 3 gallons vanilla oat milk

1 small box of BLEGO food items

17 eggs (raw), 1 egg (scrambled)

1 pint of neapolitan ice cream, 1 antique fork

2 bags sour gummy worms, 1 bag black Australian licorice, 1 box strawberry toaster strudel, 1 can mango slices in syrup, 1 package Hostess orange cupcakes, 1 bag Jolly Ranchers, 2 bottles Code Red Mountain Dew, 1 lemonade Slurpee, 1 can Arnold Palmer, 1 bottle lemon-lime Gatorade

1 roll Mentos, 1 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola

As many bottles of peach-blend wine (very fizzy) as can fit in a salmon cannon