DD/orders

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Orders for the Baltimore Crabs

The following items have been logged in the “Delivery” section of the Baltimore Crabs’s annual expense report, and have been delivered by DD:

2 tubes of burn ointment

1 peanut, no shell

8 4 oz jars craft glitter, 1 can compressed air

45 cinnamon scented car air fresheners

3 dozen poppyseed bagels, one poppyseed bagel sub seeds for fish food

3 $50 gift cards to Golden Corral (dropped off at an undisclosed location)

2 baguettes (stale)

quote ‘as much live salmon as you can buy using Kennedy Loser’s credit card’

1 Sabrina the Teenage Witch DVD box set, 3 boxes microwave popcorn, 1 container seasoning salt, 1 box butter

1 LED Christmas tree soldering practice kit, 1 Hlakko k-tip, 1 Hlakko soldering iron, 1 build your own ham radio kit, 1 small spool of desoldering braid, 1 6oz container of liquid flux, 1 large spool of extra lead soldering wire

99 melted sundaes

Mango Madness flavored blood

1/2 gallon half & half, 1/2 gallon almond milk, 2lb bag sugar

3 2lb buckets of fish food

1 six-pack Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Mountain Dew

Blood.

1 64 pack AA batteries
1 64 pack AAA batteries (2 minutes after the previous item was delivered)

1 pack Camel 99s

6 Clhristmas mugs that read “I’m the reason there’s a Naughty List” (ordered in July)

Unnamed player’s personal dry cleaning

1 container Tide Pods, Fresh Coral Blast scent

1 canister of black spray paint, 1 canister of red spray paint, 1 tin of rat poison, and 1 can of Cheese Whiz

17 eggs (raw), 1 egg (scrambled)

12 cans of Fancy Feast

1 pint of neapolitan ice cream, 1 antique fork

1 2 liter bottle Pepsi, 1 gallon milk

2 bags sour gummy worms, 1 bag black Australian licorice, 1 box strawberry toaster strudel, 1 can mango slices in syrup, 1 package Hostess orange cupcakes, 1 bag Jolly Ranchers, 2 bottles Code Red Mountain Dew, 1 lemonade Slurpee, 1 can Arnold Palmer, 1 bottle lemon-lime Gatorade

1 “I Got Crabs In Ocean City Maryland” T-Shirt, 1 strawberry-kiwi smoothie

724 LED Lights, 3 mirrors, a back-up generator

1 roll Mentos, 1 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola

13 share size M&Ms, 1 share size Skittles

1 small box of BLEGO food items

Enough temporary tattoos to cover a full-grown adult from neck-down.

6 orders of hot wings, 1 chicken alfredo pizza (XL), 1 meat lovers’ pizza (XL), 1 garden pizza (XL), 2 bottles of antacid tablets, 1 large jug of Arizona iced tea

1 large canister food grade CO2

[REDACTED]

30 sausage and egg mcmuffins

1 chicken burrito with white rice, black beans, cheese, lettuce, and sour cream. 1 medium sprite. 1 side of chips and guac. one of those tiny plastic cups filled to the brim with chipotle flavor tabasco brand hot sauce. extra napkins.

1 can whipped cream, 1 can Old Bay, 1 hot chocolate mix

2 large watermelon, 2 cantaloupe, 12 oranges, 1 pineapple, 8 apples

2 tubs of protein powder

1 canister compressed air, 1 Zippo lighter, 1 pack sparklers

1 blahaj, 1 birthday card reading “happy birthday chorby”, for delivery into the trench

25 kosher hot dogs (raw)

5 cheesesteak subs (1 no onions, 1 no lettuce no tomato, 1 lettuce and mayo only, 1 onions only, 1 with “wet hot peppers”)

3 Gallons Apple Cranberry Juice

As many bottles of peach-blend wine (very fizzy) as can fit in a salmon cannon

5 chocolate milkshakes, 3 vanilla milkshakes, 2 strawberry milkshakes, 1 cookies and cream milkshake, 1 cake batter milkshake, 1 mint chocolate chip milkshake

As many plastic fairy figurines that can fit in DD’s pockets inconspicuously

1 Carvel brand Fudgey the Whale ice cream cake with “RIV JON HALIFAX” written in frosting

1 large cookie cake with “WE SORRY KEN” written in frosting

2 dozen glazed donuts, 1 black coffee

1 dozen Maryland blue crabs (live)

2 family size bags of Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos

3 family size deluxe caesar salads

1 jar of pickles, hold the pickles.

1 small sweet and sour chicken, 1 small beef with broccoli, 1 small shrimp in lobster sauce, 1 large pork fried rice, 1 pint hot and sour soup, 5 bags “just the crunchy soup wontons”, 2 boxes steamed pork dumplings

1 carton strawberries, 1 raw chicken

2 bags of ferret food

6 dozen eggs, 2 lbs shredded cheddar cheese, 3 gallons vanilla oat milk

1 lb of red glitter, 1 lb of burnt orange glitter, 2 gallons Elmers school glue

One live softshell crab and pair of kitchen shears, delivery instructions: “arrive at midnight under the full moon. Travel to the crest of the Crabitat, equidistant from each eyestalk. Once there, recite the following: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Take the kitchen shears and quickly cut off the front of the crab 1/4” behind the eyes. Drain the blood onto the stadium below. [DATA EXPUNGED]. Return home.”

4ft tall statue of a moose

party platter of Gliant Store Brand Sushi

1 jug of laundry detergent

31 sausage and egg mcmuffins

12 iced Dunkin Donuts coffees with blueberry flavor shots

5000 finely aged tires, 700 pounds of cigarette butts, a live ball python (included in expense report was a trailer rental)

🩳

1 small ice cream cake with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY FINN” written in frosting

One (1) Banana (Note: Returned)

5 3lb boxes iodized salt

1 7.5 lb container Old Bay, 1 box firecrackers, 2 rolls paper towels

32 sausage bacon and egg mcmuffins

Lot of 32 Blarbie dolls

1 peanut, shell only

2 containers of Pillsbury ready bake cookie dough

1 SodaStream, 1 gallon milk

Got2Be silver hair dye, 1 gallon of bleach