Sol

If you are a member of the Seattle Garages, or if you are any other notable god-slayer, please be aware that the following article is false, and the article you are looking for can be found under Sun (Real)

The sun, a white-hot sphere of burning plasma at the center of the solar system, roughly 800,000 miles in diameter, composed of approximately 73% hydrogen, 25% helium, and 3% "special sauce", having been formed almost twenty years ago by a gravitational collapse of matter so great it precipitated nuclear fusion at its central point, scheduled currently to burn out when the last Blaseball pitch is thrown, the point of reference for a number of calendars, worshipped in many cultures as a deity, the brightest object visible from Earth as well as one of the brighter stars in the galaxy, emitting deadly beams that both nourish and burn, inescapable and inevitable, to be feared and loved like nothing else, our curse and our burden, is the head coach of the Hellmouth Sunbeams. It is an incredibly motivated coach, and accepts nothing short of absolute dedication to the game from its team. It is rumored that the Sun's determination is fuelled by its ancient hatred for - and rivalry with - the demon Blazibaal.

Controversy

The Sun has been accused of incinerating Jaylen Hotdogfingers by several players and fans of the Seattle Garages, who cite the lack of any sign of umpire involvement in the case, as well as the solar eclipse that has taken place for most of Season 2 as proof that The Sun has committed a crime, and is trying to escape. The Sun has not responded to the accusations.