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(this whole page is TBD just to preview for my team what the page might look like when im done with it '''You Do Not See It'''){{Community Lore}}
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{{Player
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|title={{{PAGENAME}}}
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The Shoe Thieves are located in [[Charleston]]. Every year, they hand out awards to players for big plays they've made that year and an account of the game is immortalized. When a Shoe Thief (former or current) is [[Incineration|incinerated]], their name may be be carved into the [[Sunken Charleston Remembrance Obelisk]].
'''{{PAGENAME}}''' is a lineup player for the [[Charleston Shoe Thieves]], and has been with the team since [[Season 1]].
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==Formation==
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==Official League Records==
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===The Heist===
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As of the end of the [[Season 8]] regular season, Esme Ramsey holds the record for most career walks in blaseball at 307. They are the only blaseball player with 300 or more career walks.
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The Shoe Thieves began not as a blaseball team, but as a band of footwear larcenists lead by legendary master thief [[Cornelius Games]]. After attending a game of Blaseball to support his husband [[Richardson Games]] of the [[New York Millennials]], Games began to formulate a plan to pose as a blaseball team as a cover for stealing rare and expensive blaseball shoes. In addition to his existing crew, he won over his old rival [[Workman Gloom]] and recruited local cryptid [[Ren Hunter]] to play on the false team.
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"Shoe Thieves" was used as a placeholder name for the team while they debated on what the least suspicious name for their false front would be. However, [[Forrest Bookbaby]], then working as Games' intern, was eager to impress his idol and submitted the paperwork with the placeholder a show of initiative. Thus, the Charleston Shoe Thieves were born.
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===Going Pro===
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Despite the team originally being created solely as a front, they proved to be quite competent at the splort. Much to their own amazement they won several games and attracted the attention of free agent [[Esme Ramsey]], whose addition as a reliable hitter helped them compete toe to toe with the rest of the league. While there was some initial tension within the team about whether to finish the heist or abandon it in favor of "going straight", they soon discovered they could continue to steal shoes while competing as a legitimate blaseball team by passing the thefts off as a beloved gimmick.
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===Strategy===
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The Shoe Thieves will hold up shoes to signal plays to their teammates or to proudly display their latest successful theft. It's a common misconception that the type of shoe itself is important to the play the athlete is signalling. In truth, it is the way the laces have been tied themselves that relay the important information to their teammates. The colour, arrangement, knot and even how frayed the laces are can be crucial information. This is not the only method of communication the Shoe Thieves use while playing. [[Esme Ramsey]], [[Stu Trololol]] and [[Blood Hamburger]] make use of their psychic blood to talk in a group chat over Pskype, although Stu has stated that the group chat is mainly unrelated to their game strategy. [[Velasquez Alstott]] also makes use of light-up sneakers, using a mix of tap dance and Irish dancing to communicate in Morse code with her teammates.
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==Career==
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===[[Season 1]]===
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====Gayest Team in Blaseball?====
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For several seasons the Shoe Thieves disputed the New York Millennials claim to be "the gayest team in blaseball". They were ultimately forced to cede their rival claim after losing a pivotal game of [[Rlock Plaper Sclissors]] with the Shoe Thieves represented by Esme Ramsey and the Millennials by [[Theodore Cervantes]]. According the to terms of the game, the Shoe Thieves technically maintain the right to call themselves "the second gayest team in blaseball", but this title is not popularly used.
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===[[Season 2]]===
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====The Underdog====
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Following a season in which they entered the playoffs with the worst win/loss record of any playoff team, and defeating the league leaders the [[Dallas Steaks]] 3-2 and their division rivals the [[Boston Flowers]] 3-0, the Shoe Thieves faced the [[Philly Pies]], who were the [[Season 1]] champions, undefeated in the postseason, and so far undefeated in the Season 2 playoffs as well. Despite being the betting odds underdogs, the Shoe Thieves beat the Pies 9-4, breaking their playoff victory streak. [[Beasley Gloom]], the starting pitcher in game one, earned the nickname "underdog" both for his role in such a significant upset victory and his status as the team's only canine player.
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====Cobbler Coffee====
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During Game 2 of the [[Season 2]] Finals against the [[Philly Pies]], starting pitcher [[Cornelius Games]] swapped his place on the mound with remarkably convincing doppelganger (later revealed to be a local [[Atlas Jonbois|tram operator]] Games encountered on the way to the stadium). The dubiously legal substitute performed notably worse than Games's average, allowing 12 runs and potentially contributing to the Shoe Thieves loss. However, the distraction allowed Games to successfully break into the Pies' locker room and steal a pair of sneakers from star batter [[Jessica Telephone|Jessica Telephone's]] locker.
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Over the course of the following off-season, Games was able to convince all of the Shoe Thieves' batters to drink [[Season 2#Election Results|Yes Plz! Coffee]] from the sneakers, hoping ingesting trace amounts of the legendary hitter's sweat would substantially increase their batting prowess in preparation for [[Season 3]].
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===[[Season 3]]===
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====The Grand Unslam====
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<small>For more information on this event, see [[The Grand Unslam]].</small>
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In the 15th inning of a record-breaking game against the [[Los Angeles Tacos]], former Shoe Thieves player [[Morrow Doyle]] hit a grand slam that shook the very foundations of blaseball itself. Both the Shoe Thieves and Tacos ended Day 74 of [[Season 3]] with a record of 75 games, potentially a reflection of a disruption of spacetime.
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===[[Season 4]]===
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====<s>Esme's</s> Dickson's Dough Hook====
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Being on the same team will not keep you safe from thieves, as [[Esme Ramsey]] found out during the break after season 4. [[Richardson Games]] was noted to be in possession of a dough hook resembling a family heirloom of Ramsey's, if it were fashioned into a makeshift [[Season 4#Election Results|grappling hook]]. Games refuses to reveal how they acquired the grappling hook, though speculation and small amounts of circumstantial evidence point to it being a gift from [[Cornelius Games]]. On the subject, Ramsey said, "It's whatever. The thing was awkward as hell to use, and even more awkward to steal from me. If someone's gonna go through all that trouble and manage to get some use out of it, power to them."
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===[[Season 5]]===
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====Sole Swap====
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At the end of Season 5, Cornelius Games informed the rest of the rotation that they would be joining him on a heist to steal shoes from beyond the grave. [[Kevin Dudley|Kevin]], [[Gunther O'Brian|Gunther]], [[Beasley Gloom|Beasley]] and [[Snyder Briggs|Snyder]] all piled into a submarine and were taken to a [[Sunken Charleston|sunken city]] that Games would not identify. In the city, the pitchers aided their leader in searching a mysterious peanut-scented void, retrieving from it five pairs of shoes. Games claimed that these were the shoes of deceased former Shoe Thieves [[Matteo Prestige]], [[Blankenship Fischer]], [[Atlas Jonbois]], [[Sebastian Townsend]], and [[Morrow Doyle]].
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In a ritual known only as the Sole Swap, Games placed the shoes on each of his pitchers (Beasley receiving two pairs due to having 4 feet and Cornelius believing he did not need the help). Games' assessment turned out to only be partially true. Kevin, Gunther, and Beasley had not previously even been wearing shoes properly (not counting the one Gunther would occasionally wear on his head), which gave all of them better traction on the pitcher's mound. However, the shoes Briggs received turned out to actually have been formerly owned by Forrest Bookbaby. Whether due to being an [[Season 4#Decrees|alternate version]] of Snyder or for some other reason, Bookbaby's shoes actually diminished Briggs' pitching abilities. While the others each gained insight and ability from the shoes' previous owners, Bookbaby's shoes were incredibly tight on Briggs' feet, irritating and distracting them.
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====Dark Prophecy====
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{{Community Lore}}
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The Shoe Thieves, in their downtime during ILB's off-season, began to set out for new marks. [[Hotbox Sato]] and [[Joe Voorhees]], at a loss, went to [[Cornelius Games]] for advice. Games remarked with sarcasm that the two "could steal the lights off some brat's shoes for all I care." At that, Sato and Voorhees made their way to the [[Hawaii Fridays|Hawaii Friday's]] beach party and made an attempt to steal the lights from [[York Silk|York Silk's]] sneakers, but with their hands sticky from eating s'mores, they were caught in the act and kicked out of the party for their bad vibes. The failed attempt on Silk's shoe lights may have triggered an ancient prophecy, written on a stone tablet the thieves had found in [[Sunken Charleston]] and inflicting other teams in the Mild Low division with a curse that mildly impaired their ability to play blaseball. As the curse came from within Sunken Charleston, the Shoe Thieves were unaffected, and pretended not to notice the change.
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==Blaseball Career==
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===Pre-ILB===
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Ramsey first encountered Blaseball while drinking from a pool of primordial malice (allegedly, to impress a woman they were dating at the time) and witnessing the [[First Pitch]] (or an approximation thereof). This created an irresistible compulsion to play Blaseball, and despite having no prior experience with the splort, Ramsey could consistently be found clinging to the fence outside [[Hellmouth Sunbeams]] (then the [[Moab]] Sunbeams) games and attempting to ingest stray balls. This determination ultimately proved appealing to the Sunbeams, who brought Ramsey on as a member of the roster. The batter served admirably for several years before being released as a free agent, after which Ramsey felt inexplicably drawn to the fledgling Shoe Thieves.
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===[[Season 6]]===
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===Career with the Shoe Thieves===
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====The Three Stripes Accord====
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Ramsey has proved to be a reliable hitter, going as far as winning the team's MVP award for Postseason 2 due to their consistency and high RBI count. Ramsey plays the little-known defensive position of "longstop", a variant of the more commonly used shortstop that places the player almost entirely in left field. This allows Ramsey to give batting tips and spare blueberry muffins to left-fielder [[Velazquez Alstott]], as well as to see approximately two seconds into the future.
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In a highly controversial move, the Shoe Thieves accepted a sponsorship from shoe brand Adlidas. Suspiciously, players haven't been found to actually wear Adlidas shoes, on the field or off. It's alleged that this is because the sponsorship is actually a protection racket run by the Shoe Thieves, but when asked for comment, [[Cornelius Games]] stated, "I think 'protection racket' is both unfair and inaccurate, given that we've simply genially agreed to not steal shoes from Adlidas in exchange for them giving us the shoes we were going to steal. It saves them some money on security that they can instead invest in funding to cover the loss of the additional shoes that we end up also stealing."
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After their sponsorship was suddenly terminated for unknown and suspicious reasons, other teams in Mild Low found themselves in possession of brand new Adlidas shoes, slightly improving their ability to play.
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Ramsey specializes in stealing the boots from early 20th century deep-sea diving suits.
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==Allies and Rivals==
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==Personal Life==
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===[[Canada Moist Talkers]]===
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[[Velasquez Alstott]] and Ramsey have a close relationship, with Ramsey frequently seen giving Alstott piggy back rides around the field and Alstott referring to Ramsey and "Big Ems".
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In part due to a pair of notable feedback swaps, the players, staff, and fans of the Shoe Thieves have formed a long-standing relationship with the Canada Moist Talkers. The relationship began during Season 4, when former Shoe Thieves star player [[Workman Gloom]] was exchanged for the Moist Talkers's [[Joe Voorhees]] in a Feedback event. Voorhees and Gloom become close after their swap, having traded important advice to each other with regards to fitting in with their new teams; Voorhees brought Canada culture to the Thieves, and Gloom Charleston to the Moist Talkers, lighting the fires of friendship between the two teams.
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The relationship between the two teams was improved further during the following seasons, as Gloom still held themself responsible for their dog and Charleston pitcher, [[Beasley Gloom]]. At first, Gloom would make regular trips from Halifax back to Charleston to take care of Beasley, each time bringing the Moist Talkers' good graces back to their former team. After these trips became a tax on Gloom's time and schedule, a few Thieves players -- led by Voorhees and [[Esme Ramsey]] -- instead made the reverse trip, bringing Beasley to Halifax to see his former owner. These Charleston-Halifax dog deliveries became a regular feature of the Shoe Thieves' time off, especially for Ramsey, who maintained a close personal relationship with Gloom during their time as a Moist Talker.
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[[File:Joshmillard--watch-your-step.mp3|thumb|right|The Esme Ramsey Quartet's rendition of You Better Watch Your Step]]Ramsey also plays jazz stand-up bass and sings in the Esme Ramsey Quartet, along with [[Joe Voorhees]] (piano), [[Gunther O'Brian]] (drums), and [[Antonio Wallace]] (ribcage xylophone).
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In Season 6, the Talkers and Thieves again had players traded amidst the Feedback--Canada's [[Lachlan Shelton]] for Charleston's [[Antonio Wallace]]. According to some witnesses, the pair's swap may have been a mistake made by [[Cornelius Games]]; Gloom had (allegedly) sent Lachlan over to the Thieves dugout during the game to bring some treats over to Beasley while they were at-bat, and Games (allegedly) misunderstood this as a trade and immediately drafted Sheltom to the Thieves, sending Antonio Wallace back in his place. This has (allegedly) never been corroborated by Games himself, and [[Feedback]] was listed as the (allegedly) official cause of the trade. However, fans and players alike responded positively to the trade, enjoying the further blending of the two teams.
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After [[Workman Gloom]] was transferred to the [[Canada Moist Talkers]] and incinerated in [[Season 7]], Ramsey took over primary care of [[Beasley Gloom]]. Before Workman’s incineration, Ramsey managed to nab their hat, which she then gave to Beasley Gloom to comfort him in his time of sorrow. Ramsey takes Beasley Gloom for lots of walks and makes sure he knows he is a very good boy.
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In a post-game interview early in Season 7, Cornelius Games was asked about his team's relationship and history with the Moist Talkers. Games pretended to not understand the question and became visibly frustrated when the interviewer mentioned Workman Gloom specifically, claiming to have never heard of them before. Lachlan Shelton finished the interview in his stead; when asked about the Canada-Charleston friendship, he answered "You gotta have friends, right? When people are getting incinerated, or trapped in giant peanut shells, or beaned by a zombie pitcher, you gotta have friends. It's good to have friends."
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When [[Howell Franklin]] joined the Shoe Thieves, Ramsey welcomed the werewolf by taking them on their first heist. The pair bonded over the experience and it is rumored that they could be heard celebrating their victory from the rooftops, howling at the moon.
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In perhaps their greatest act of friendship, shortly following Workman Gloom's Season 7 incineration, the Moist Talkers delivered the former Shoe Thief's ashes and personal effects (not including their Moist Talkers hat, which Esme Ramsey had previously acquired through different means) back to Choux Stadium. Gloom's ashes are currently on display in Choux Stadium, stored in a pair of Gloom’s boots and contained in a glass display alongside a Canadian flag. A small dish is included with the display, and Talkers and Thieves fans alike are encouraged to spit into the dish to pay respect to one of the greatest players who ever swung a blaseball rod.
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===Cult Following===
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Due to their revelatory experience witnessing the First Pitch, several philosophical and religious organizations view Esme as a conduit for divine truth, including the [[Alliance of Gnostic Blaseball Historians]], the [[Imperial Low Council of Bavaria]], the [[Sisters of Shattering]] and the [[New Sandford Ramseyians]]. For the majority of their career Ramsey declined all requests for comment on their popularity with such groups, but midway through Season 4 they responded to a reporter's query on the subject in a post-game interview:<blockquote>Look, I've seen the beginning and end of everything, I've stared directly into the blinding visage of the being that threw the First Pitch, I've seen the entirety of time and space laid out before me like a cheap hotel continental breakfast buffet. And you know what? Last game I struck out twice, my team has a losing record, and one of our best players just transferred to the [[Canada Moist Talkers|Wet Faces]] or whatever. None of it matters. We're all gonna die. You either eat [expletive deleted] or play ball. I'm gonna play ball.</blockquote>
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===Disputed Inheritance Claim===
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Ramsey claims to be Gordon Ramsey's illegitimate child. This claim is substantiated by the fact that Ramsey is Choux Stadium's preeminent patissier. However, Gordon has no knowledge of Ramsey's existence, and is entirely unable to answer questions regarding the batter.
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===Quotes===
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* On their relationship status: "One Time a fan asked me to marry her. I said she can do whatever she wants. I think there was a priest there? It's whatever."
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* On cooking tips: "It's easier to fit the ball in your mouth if you cut it in half first." & "I learned this technique in culinary school. It's called 'digestion'."
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* On fashion: "Why are you speaking to me?"
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*On preferred pronouns: "Who gave you permission to refer to me at all?"
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==Gallery==
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<gallery>
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File:Grr ramsey.png|Esme Ramsey art by Discord user grr
As of the end of the Season 8 regular season, Esme Ramsey holds the record for most career walks in blaseball at 307. They are the only blaseball player with 300 or more career walks.
COMMUNITY REPORTS The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Blaseball Career
Pre-ILB
Ramsey first encountered Blaseball while drinking from a pool of primordial malice (allegedly, to impress a woman they were dating at the time) and witnessing the First Pitch (or an approximation thereof). This created an irresistible compulsion to play Blaseball, and despite having no prior experience with the splort, Ramsey could consistently be found clinging to the fence outside Hellmouth Sunbeams (then the Moab Sunbeams) games and attempting to ingest stray balls. This determination ultimately proved appealing to the Sunbeams, who brought Ramsey on as a member of the roster. The batter served admirably for several years before being released as a free agent, after which Ramsey felt inexplicably drawn to the fledgling Shoe Thieves.
Career with the Shoe Thieves
Ramsey has proved to be a reliable hitter, going as far as winning the team's MVP award for Postseason 2 due to their consistency and high RBI count. Ramsey plays the little-known defensive position of "longstop", a variant of the more commonly used shortstop that places the player almost entirely in left field. This allows Ramsey to give batting tips and spare blueberry muffins to left-fielder Velazquez Alstott, as well as to see approximately two seconds into the future.
Ramsey specializes in stealing the boots from early 20th century deep-sea diving suits.
Personal Life
Velasquez Alstott and Ramsey have a close relationship, with Ramsey frequently seen giving Alstott piggy back rides around the field and Alstott referring to Ramsey and "Big Ems".
The Esme Ramsey Quartet's rendition of You Better Watch Your Step
Ramsey also plays jazz stand-up bass and sings in the Esme Ramsey Quartet, along with Joe Voorhees (piano), Gunther O'Brian (drums), and Antonio Wallace (ribcage xylophone).
After Workman Gloom was transferred to the Canada Moist Talkers and incinerated in Season 7, Ramsey took over primary care of Beasley Gloom. Before Workman’s incineration, Ramsey managed to nab their hat, which she then gave to Beasley Gloom to comfort him in his time of sorrow. Ramsey takes Beasley Gloom for lots of walks and makes sure he knows he is a very good boy.
When Howell Franklin joined the Shoe Thieves, Ramsey welcomed the werewolf by taking them on their first heist. The pair bonded over the experience and it is rumored that they could be heard celebrating their victory from the rooftops, howling at the moon.
Cult Following
Due to their revelatory experience witnessing the First Pitch, several philosophical and religious organizations view Esme as a conduit for divine truth, including the Alliance of Gnostic Blaseball Historians, the Imperial Low Council of Bavaria, the Sisters of Shattering and the New Sandford Ramseyians. For the majority of their career Ramsey declined all requests for comment on their popularity with such groups, but midway through Season 4 they responded to a reporter's query on the subject in a post-game interview:
Look, I've seen the beginning and end of everything, I've stared directly into the blinding visage of the being that threw the First Pitch, I've seen the entirety of time and space laid out before me like a cheap hotel continental breakfast buffet. And you know what? Last game I struck out twice, my team has a losing record, and one of our best players just transferred to the Wet Faces or whatever. None of it matters. We're all gonna die. You either eat [expletive deleted] or play ball. I'm gonna play ball.
Disputed Inheritance Claim
Ramsey claims to be Gordon Ramsey's illegitimate child. This claim is substantiated by the fact that Ramsey is Choux Stadium's preeminent patissier. However, Gordon has no knowledge of Ramsey's existence, and is entirely unable to answer questions regarding the batter.
Quotes
On their relationship status: "One Time a fan asked me to marry her. I said she can do whatever she wants. I think there was a priest there? It's whatever."
On cooking tips: "It's easier to fit the ball in your mouth if you cut it in half first." & "I learned this technique in culinary school. It's called 'digestion'."
On fashion: "Why are you speaking to me?"
On preferred pronouns: "Who gave you permission to refer to me at all?"
COMMUNITY REPORTS
