Difference between revisions of "Adalberto Tosser"

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{{Player|team=[[Baltimore Crabs]]|status=Active|batting={{Star Rating|1.5}}|pitching={{Star Rating|3}}|baserunning={{Star Rating|3}}|defense={{Star Rating|3}}|item=None|armor=None|evolution=Base|ritual=Nursing a grudge|coffee=Decaf|blood=Psychic|fate=35|soulscream=HUEAHHUEAHHEXAAAEXAAAEEEAEUEEAEUEIOAAOIOAAOIOIAIAOIAIAOUIIOIUIIOIUAIAHAAIAHAA|pronouns=he/him, they/them|image1=<tabber>
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{{AutomatedPlayer
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|image1=
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  <tabber>
 
   Photo Card = [[file:Adalberto_Tosser.png]]
 
   Photo Card = [[file:Adalberto_Tosser.png]]
 
   |-|
 
   |-|
   Promo Card = [[file:AdalbertoTosserBB.gif]] </tabber>|twitter_account=@AdalbertoTosser|uuid  =d0d7b8fe-bad8-481f-978e-cb659304ed49|title=|caption1=}}'''Adalberto Tosser''' is a pitcher for the [[Baltimore Crabs]] and has played for the team since [[Season 1]].
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   Promo Card = [[file:AdalbertoTosserBB.gif]]
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  </tabber>
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|caption1=
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|dates=Jul 20, 2020&ndash;Jul 26, 2021
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|former=[[Baltimore Crabs]], [[Rising Stars]], [[Boston Flowers]]
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|pronouns=he/him, they/them, she/her
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|player_twitter={{Twitter|name=AdalbertoTosser}}
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|uuid  =d0d7b8fe-bad8-481f-978e-cb659304ed49
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}}
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'''{{PAGENAME}}''' was a lineup player for the [[Boston Flowers]], and was with the team from the {{BetaSeason|21#Election Results|@ elections}} until being incinerated on {{BetaSeason|24}}, Day 4. Tosser previously played for the [[Baltimore Crabs]], and also played for the [[Rising Stars]] during the [[ILB Semi-Centennial]].
  
== Official League Records ==
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==Official League Records==
During the [[Season 5#Election%20Results|Season 5 election]], Tosser received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' ''Horde Hallucinations'' and ''Rollback Netcode'' blessings.
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Tosser joined the [[ILB]] as a pitcher for the [[Baltimore Crabs]] with {{BetaSeason|1|the Return of Blaseball}}.
  
On Day 68 of Season 8, some of Adalberto's batting ability was siphoned by [[Holden Stanton]] due to [[Blooddrain]] weather, changing it from ★★½ to ★½.
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During the {{BetaSeason|5#Election Results|@ election}}, Tosser received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' '''Horde Hallucinations''' and '''Rollback Netcode''' blessings.
  
== History ==
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On {{BetaSeason|8}}, Day 68, Tosser's batting ability was siphoned by [[Breckenridge Jazz Hands]] lineup player [[Holden Stanton]] in a game with [[Blooddrain]] weather, changing it from {{Star Rating|2.5}} to {{Star Rating|1.5}}.
{{Community Lore}}
 
  
Tosser is beloved by countless blaseball fans but banned from almost every bar in town. His "rambunctious antics" off the field have made him something of a regular figure in the scandal pages and gossip blogs, but is it is largely agreed among fans and splorts journalists that this doesn't detract from his reputation as a solid, respectable, thoroughly middling player.
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On {{BetaSeason|10#Day X|@, Day X}}, Tosser gained the {{ModLink|Mild}} modification after the Crabs lost to [[THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS]]. Due to the Crabs' [[Ascension]], Tosser was absent from the ILB from the {{BetaSeason|10#Election Results|@ elections}} until the [[Ascension#Descension|Descension]].
  
== Early Life ==
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During the {{BetaSeason|12#Election Results|@ elections}}, Tosser's defense was increased by {{Star Change|2.9|3.6}} as a result of the Crabs' {{BetaSeason|12#Blessings|'''The Rack'''}} blessing. Additionally, Tosser benefited from a {{Star Change|3.0|3.6}} increase to pitching as a result of the Firefighters' {{BetaSeason|12#Blessings|'''Tag Team Pitching'''}} blessing.
Tosser was born Adalberto Tossas in Pittsburg, Georgia to a Dominican-American family. He had no noticeable birth defects, however, as he grew older, his right arm began to grow at a much more rapid pace than his left. By the time he was turned 13, his arm had grown to 4 feet in length and showed no sign of stopping. It was at this point that his junior high school art teacher encouraged him to try out for high school blaseball.
 
  
Despite maintaining a 2.84 ERA in high school, Tosser opted to pursue art, rather than blaseball, in college, attending the Maryland Institute College of Art. He was expelled within his first year for creating a piece the college's dean could only refer to as "too perfect for human eyes." Following his expulsion, Tosser was quickly drafted by the Baltimore Crabs.
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On {{BetaSeason|13}}, Day 63, Adalberto Tosser pitched a perfect game against the [[Kansas City Breath Mints]], with 7 strikeouts in 9 innings. This was the 5th perfect game of the Expansion era. In {{BetaSeason|13#Election Results|that season's elections}}, Tosser received the {{ModLink|Credit to the Team}} modification due to the Crabs winning the {{BetaSeason|13#Blessings|'''Rise and Grind'''}} blessing.
  
Certain followers of The Olde One believe that Tosser is not Adalberto's last name but rather a title bestowed on a chosen one in each generation. According to these beliefs, previous Tosser incarnations include bird fan Edgar Allan Poe and filmmaker John Waters.
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During the {{BetaSeason|21#Election Results|@ elections}}, Tosser's [[Modifications|'''Credit to the Team''']] modification was reformed to {{ModLink|Siphon}} as a result of the Crabs' {{BetaSeason|21#Wills|'''Reform'''}} Will. Tosser was then traded to the [[Boston Flowers]] in exchange for [[Silvaire Roadhouse]] via the Flowers' {{BetaSeason|21#Wills|'''Equivalent Exchange'''}} will, becoming a lineup player in the process.
  
Adalberto is said to have realised their Tosser destiny when a swarm of porcelain crabs emerged from their bathroom wall, shifted in the form of a giant eye and winked at him.
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During the [[ILB Semi-Centennial]], Tosser played as a pitcher for the [[Rising Stars]]. Tosser then returned to the [[Boston Flowers]] as a lineup player.
  
== Professional Career ==
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On {{BetaSeason|24}}, Day 4, Tosser was [[Incineration|incinerated]] and replaced by [[Ruffian Scrobbles]].
Since joining the Crabs, Tosser's right arm has continued to grow at a rapid pace. However, potentially as a byproduct of his carcinization, when the forearm reaches around 7 feet in length, with a violent crack, the segment bends at the center to form an additional elbow. The segmented upper arms, which at this point cease to grow further, are almost constantly folded in like an accordion. Tosser has immaculate balance despite his grossly asymmetrical frame.
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{{IRM|format=filebox}}<nowiki/>
  
Tosser's right forearm is 6 feet long below the elbow, and continues to grow at a rate of approximately 2 inches per year. This arm is widely attributed for being the key to his legendary pitching success, as demonstrated in the final game of [[Season 2]]. Tosser only pitches with his right arm, preferring to throw to teammates with his left arm after what other Crabs refer to as "The Swiss Cheese Incident." 
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==Fan Works==
 
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<gallery widths="185">
Two popular fan chants associated with Adalberto Tosser are "Tosser's gonna toss ya' / 'em / it" and "Adal-berto" followed by two claps, spaced two beats apart, and then three claps, spaced 1/4 of a beat apart.  
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File:68AdalbertoTosser.png|Mini-Blaseballer by {{Twitter|name=HetreaSky}}
 
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File:Adalberto Tosser - Goblin.jpg|Art by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
In XX43, Tosser pioneered the "hardball", a pitch exclusive to the Crabs in which the ball is filled with a small crustacean who pilots it on its way to the batter. The ball's pilot does not count as a player, as while the rulebook specifically allows crabs to play blaseball, there's no rules against them choosing not to even while technically participating in the splort.
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File:Adalberto Tosser post S9 - Goblin.png|Tosser post season 9 day X by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
 
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File:Brock Forbes and Adalberto Tosser Wedding - Goblin.png|The wedding of Tosser and [[Brock Forbes]] by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
== In Literature ==
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File:Adalberto Tosser - Toasthaste.png|An alternate take on Tosser by [https://toasthaste-art.tumblr.com/ '''Toasthaste''']
Crabs poet Laureate [[Runolfio Peeper]] wrote the following poem about Tosser:
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File:Adalberto Tosser - GlassGoblin.png|Art of Adalberto Tosser by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
 
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File:Adalberto Tosser S19.jpg|Art by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
<blockquote><poem>
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</gallery>
Adalberto’s arm has grown
 
And given him a mighty skill
 
That otherwise has been unknown
 
 
 
And each year a new milestone
 
As we discover it is still
 
The case his arm has grown
 
 
 
And Crab scribes say it is unknown
 
Is Tosser a title, from God’s will
 
Or just a last name, all his own
 
 
 
His social scandal is full-blown
 
You’ll find him rowdy, drinking swill
 
And bragging of his arm that’s grown
 
 
 
This arm delivers to the zone
 
And getting longer, we do thrill
 
It will continue ‘til unknown
 
 
 
And I think it is clearly shown
 
His pitches may a player kill
 
We know his arm is not yet grown
 
And thus his future’s all unknown
 
</poem></blockquote>
 
 
 
== Fan Art ==
 
<gallery>
 
 
 
File:Crabs Badge.png
 
 
 
</gallery>{{TeamNavSelector|crabs}}
 
  
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{{TeamNavSelector|flowers}}
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{{FormerTeamCategorySelector|crabs|Rising Stars|flowers}}
 
[[Category:Players]]
 
[[Category:Players]]
[[Category:Baltimore Crabs]]
 
[[Category:Players with a Tlopps card]]
 
[[Category:Pitchers]]
 
 
[[Category:Nominative Determinism]]
 
[[Category:Nominative Determinism]]
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[[Category:Original Players]]
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[[Category:Incinerated Players]]
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[[Category:Players With Base 1]]

Latest revision as of 23:46, 16 January 2023

Adalberto Tosser was a lineup player for the Boston Flowers, and was with the team from the Season β21 elections until being incinerated on Season β24, Day 4. Tosser previously played for the Baltimore Crabs, and also played for the Rising Stars during the ILB Semi-Centennial.

Official League Records

Tosser joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Baltimore Crabs with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β5 election, Tosser received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' Horde Hallucinations and Rollback Netcode blessings.

On Season β8, Day 68, Tosser's batting ability was siphoned by Breckenridge Jazz Hands lineup player Holden Stanton in a game with Blooddrain weather, changing it from to .

On Season β10, Day X, Tosser gained the Mild modification after the Crabs lost to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS. Due to the Crabs' Ascension, Tosser was absent from the ILB from the Season β10 elections until the Descension.

During the Season β12 elections, Tosser's defense was increased by 2.9 3.6 as a result of the Crabs' The Rack blessing. Additionally, Tosser benefited from a 3.0 3.6 increase to pitching as a result of the Firefighters' Tag Team Pitching blessing.

On Season β13, Day 63, Adalberto Tosser pitched a perfect game against the Kansas City Breath Mints, with 7 strikeouts in 9 innings. This was the 5th perfect game of the Expansion era. In that season's elections, Tosser received the Credit to the Team modification due to the Crabs winning the Rise and Grind blessing.

During the Season β21 elections, Tosser's Credit to the Team modification was reformed to Siphon as a result of the Crabs' Reform Will. Tosser was then traded to the Boston Flowers in exchange for Silvaire Roadhouse via the Flowers' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process.

During the ILB Semi-Centennial, Tosser played as a pitcher for the Rising Stars. Tosser then returned to the Boston Flowers as a lineup player.

On Season β24, Day 4, Tosser was incinerated and replaced by Ruffian Scrobbles.

Box of Adalberto Tosser Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-19.013 and start reading...

Adalberto Tosser, also known by his stage name of Slight of Arm, is a popular Baltimore street magician (and lesser known as a pitcher for the Baltimore Crabs.) He is known for his on-the-field magic tricks, including, but not limited to: turning the opposing batter’s bat into Chleez-Its™, turning the ball he’s pitching into a small marble, stealing the Championship from the Hades Tigers, and other minor inconveniences.

Oftentimes, his forays into the tunnels are preluded by smoke, fog, glitter, or other such special effects.

Controversies

Fans have recorded video of Tosser getting into heated argument with Matteo Prestige through their hauntings of his teammate, Kennedy Loser. The subject of these arguments range from which one of them really has the world record for quickest time performing the “Metamorphosis” illusion, and which one of them has made the most people disappear during tricks.

This would normally be overlooked; however soon after Prestige’s incineration, Tosser opened up a series of failed restaurants specifically for magicians, an idea that Prestige’s teammates said that Prestige had been planning for “a long time.” It is unknown if the two events are actually correlated, and all investigations into it have been deemed pointless, as the restaurants rarely drew people in for business. The following excerpt from the Baltimore Press details this:

Slight of Arm’s New Restaurants Aren’t Looking So “Magical” After All.

[...] When you walk into the restaurant, it looks relatively normal. That’s this chain’s first mistake—nobody wants to be surprised by magic tricks at their dining experience, and despite the magician behind it all, nowhere on the restaurant’s doors does it say the waiter will be flicking coins out from behind your ear, or slipping cards into your napkins.

“I picked up my fork, and I basically crushed it in my hand,” one dissatisfied customer told us. “Turns out it was that bendy kind of trick cutlery? Which would be fine, right, if I wasn’t paying to be able to eat my food. I used to be a big fan of Slight of Arm’s, but I think I’m gonna have to take a break from going to any of his street shows.”

[...] With the bad reviews rolling in, and money clearly being lost, it seems that the curtains will be closing on this failed business venture soon for Slight of Arm.

Another controversy involves short-time Crabs pitcher Axel Campbell, who reported that “several times,” Tosser had approached him and his partner on the street to do magic tricks that often involved Tosser’s signature Chleez-its™ tricks, levitating Campbell onto a roof, and showing up on VHS tapes from ten years ago. While he didn’t seem too upset by it, several anonymous calls have been placed to Tosser’s husband, Brock Forbes, complaining about how “[Tosser] needs to cut it out,” and that they were “sick of orange soda.”

Personal Life

After a divorce with Thomas Kirby before starting his career in Blaseball, Tosser got married to Brock Forbes, and has since renewed his vows twice—once after ascension, and once before his first MVP Award. His arm, unlike what his stage name implies, is normally sized. His carcinization is, according to him, “a fancy leather jacket with a Crab painted on the back that [he wears] to shows.”

His magic shows have sustained even through pitching three shifts in a row for half of a season, and he can still be seen out and about in Baltimore, even on days he’s pitching Away games. People theorize that this is part of his magic tricks, as trying to approach him on these days makes him “vanish.”

He is 6’1.

Fan Works