Official League Records
In Day 69 of Season β19, the Mechanics faced the Dallas Steaks with every other batter in their Lineup sent Elsewhere. Kelvin Drumsolo was the sole batter for almost three innings, repeatedly replaced by themselves at bat without the benefit of a Repeating modification, and culminating with batting a Triple while also simultaneously occupating all other three bases.
On Season β21, Day 2, Drumsolo was freed from their shell by birds. On Day 6, Drumsolo was swept and gained the Negative modification as a result of Cannonball Sports' Undertaker modification. On Day 104, Drumsolo retreated to the Mechanics' Shadows in exchange for Polkadot Patterson at Core Pillar Center via the Ratified Voicemail.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Kelvin Drumsolo, real name Gu Keliang (谷可亮), is a Core Mechanics batter who has played for the team for zir entire Blaseball career. Zir parents, Gu Yang (谷扬) and Xie Siwen (謝思穩), moved to the Core from Beijing shortly before ze was born due to Drumsolo having a prenatal diagnosis of Spina Bifida. Drumsolo is notably reluctant to discuss zir life before Blaseball or details around zir family and their lives and while teammate Mira Lemma has been seen spending time with zir sister and parents, the family are rarely-never seen at Blaseball games.
Ze has stated that ze took on the name Kelvin Drumsolo because ze thought that nominative determinism was ‘funny’ and ze wanted ‘something to aim for’. Drumsolo is notable for being literally on fire at all times, as well as being capable of reaching temperatures unsafe for most humans.
Personality and Appearance
An anonymous teammate described Drumsolo as being not 'the heart of the team but sort of like... the lung? Maybe the kidney? You need it and you wouldn't want to live without it but it's got stones in it?' In interviews, the team have called Drumsolo a little bother figure but also one of the few members of the team who has a driver’s license. There is no record of Drumsolo ever receiving a driver's license. Drumsolo describes zirself as being the 'hottest' member of the team, though it is unclear whether ze means this in terms of physical attractiveness or literal temperature.
Drumsolo has been a wheelchair user for zir entire life due to paralysis caused by zir Spina Bifida. Ze uses a self-propelled manual wheelchair in everyday life and a custom, multilegged neural-interfacing chair with attached drumkits designed in collaboration with Gia Holbrook when playing Blaseball or performing music. When asked why ze uses both, ze stated that the initial motivation behind the multilegged chair was to have a powered, standing wheelchair for health purposes as well as to 'look cool' and 'commit to the bit' but that the neural-interfaces cause some pain when used for extended periods of time and the weight and size can be cumbersome, as well as taking some time to set up and calibrate before each use.
When asked about zir body modification and why ze hadn't opted to create cybernetic legs, ze stated that ze was 'faster than all of you on wheels - why would I downgrade like that?'. Drumsolo uses zir fame as a blaseball player to push for accessibility both within and without the Core and, while not technically a member, often collaborates with D.O.W.N..
Musical Career and Romantic Life
Drumsolo is a member of avant-garde noise-classical-electronicore-Core band Kelvin and the Kelvins along with fellow Mechanic Kelvin Andante. The pair frequently write music discussing themes such as re-marriage and divorce, with lyrics which talk about inconveniences such as rearranging kitchen storage, stealing shampoo, finishing the milk and not getting more and not knowing how to fix an oven. The pair have confirmed that they are in the middle of an intense custody battle over a cactus named Spiky Jim.
Their musical releases frequently feature other members of the team with some claiming that the band should actually be called Kelvin and the Kelvins and the Core Mechanics+. In a press release the duo stated that their frequent contributors are valued friends and one of the ways their band ties into the local community, but that they have the very strict entry requirement of being named Kelvin. In addition, they stated that applicants with other temperature related names may discuss official membership which will be decided on a case-by-case basis.
Following the Descension, Drumsolo repeatedly referred to zirself as the worst batter on the team and seemed to take pride in that. Ze also stated that ze had perfected being the 'second most annoying thing on the team' to the point where ze was petitioning to have it recognized as a legitimate artform. Despite repeated discussions around shadowing zir, fans never used any Wills to remove Drumsolo from active play.
Drumsolo has also stated that ze is worse than zir stars which is apparently necessary to counteract the fact that 'everyone else is better than theirs'. Historically this has not borne out in zir performance. Ze has also stated that ze is necessary for the team to win championships and also 'score and stuff'. Drumsolo did achieve both the first hit and the first run for the Mechanics in the ILB and has been present for both of their witnessed championships.
The Great Drumsolo
The event itself is extensively discussed elsewhere and so the focus here will be on the impact on Drumsolo zirself. Drumsolo has stated that the only impacts on zir life have been that firstly ze now has a failed merchandising deal and a ton of stickers of zirself and that secondly the rest of the team expects zir to show up to practice since apparently ze's been holding out on them.
Drumsolo has also stated that ze would rather be recognized for zir other achievements, such as being the first player to be made Reverberating and Repeating by the Psychoacoustics, the first player to dunk in runs while trapped in a giant peanut shell, the least allergic player in the ILB, as well as the real hero of the Season 17 Tank. Broadly this request has gone ignored.
Life Post the Drumsolo
Drumsolo resumed zir usual level of play following the Drumsolo, but stated that ze now existed 'in something like 2i-3j+k dimensions at once it's wild' and could see shrimp colours. This allowed zir to end the scientific debate on the colour of Unfire, claiming that it was meta-cyan.
Shortly after the Great Drumsolo, Kelvin claimed to have made the space telescope ORBIT into the legal owner of the Core Mechanics having used zir time as the entire Core Mechanics lineup to legitimize this. Ze claimed this was done ‘for tax purposes’. As the Mechanics do not live in a society with a centralized taxation system, it is unknown whether this is legally binding or why, exactly, anyone thought it was a good idea to give Drumsolo the power to do this.
Drumsolo was Shelled in Season 20, minutes after then ex-Mechanic Zoey Kirchner had an allergic reaction. While Drumsolo was unable to communicate from within the shell, ze was apparently somewhat aware of zir location and would occasionally propel zirself into the air and go up for the Alley-Oop, scoring the final run for the Core Mechanics in the Season 20 Finals. Following zir release early in Season 21, Drumsolo stated that ze held 'no grudges against Telephone or anyone on the Steaks. I mean, who would?'. Ze also stated that ze'd taken up exploring nature and had a new appreciation of wide, open spaces which were well lit and didn't smell of peanuts.
There are reports of arguments between Drumsolo and other members of the Mechanics following zir release from the shell. While these were usually seen from a distance and so the exact subject matter is unknown, some fans speculate that these were about jokes about ‘Shellvin Dunksolo’ or Drumsolo contributing more to the team while Shelled. Nevertheless, this is unconfirmed and the Mechanics were notably worried enough about Drumsolo and the possible long term repercussions of being trapped in a peanut shell to install a Peanut Mister in the Pillars as well as cover the shell in printouts of seeds, apparently in an attempt to attract birds. It is unclear how effective this was as a strategy.
Drumsolo was Voicemailed while Elsewhere. While ze returned to active play about two weeks later following an Infusion to zir batting and another ride on the Voicemail, ze stated subsequently that ze hadn't expected the fans to want zir back and had settled into life Elsewhere as a long term thing. Ze also stated that ze wasn't sure the Infuse had gotten through and reiterated zir claims that zir starcount was fake and that ze is a very bad batter who no one should expect anything from.
Despite it only having been half a year, ze struggled to reconnect with zir teammates who had all been dealing with the consequences of the Mass Alternation to the Core and to their friends and became fairly withdrawn, often seen heading off alone after games and struggling to collaborate with teammates in play. Ze also was heard several times blaming teammates for not scoring after ze got swept Elsewhere and letting zir be voicemailed, as well as for losing the Season 21 Championship. Ze spent most of zir siestas post Season 22 in Halifax, visiting childhood friend Mira Lemma and Alto Patterson.
Drumsolo grew more withdrawn heading into Season 24 as tensions rose between other members of the team.
While Drumsolo is, in most respects, an average human in their indeterminate twenties-thirties, ze is notable for being literally on fire. This was initially a result of implants to produce ‘flames’ which were entirely light with minimal heat which Drumsolo had installed as a young adult. It is believed that, at some point following joining the Blaseball team, these implants became part of Drumsolo and ze became impervious to many forms of heat and began emanating flames.
It has been alleged that Drumsolo could potentially reach Absolute Hot (theorized by some to be 1.416785(71)×10^32 degrees Kelvin via reaching sufficiently intense heights of emotion. Pursuit of this goal has reportedly caused issues with zir social life and blaseball career, though Drumsolo responds to all questions on this by skittering away at high speeds playing the drums. This goal has also generated some controversy among physicists within the Core - some maintaining that potentially destroying everything by taking reality to its melting point is an unthinkable risk, while others feel that knowing the true maximum temperature would answer a lot of "very big questions" and be "pretty cool, or, I guess hot, haha" and that those opposed are "just a bunch of unscientific cowards." It has been noted that at least three of the scientists in favour were Kelvin Andante wearing different lab coats.
Drumsolo has made several claims regarding the physicality of the Immaterial Plane, blaseball, zirself and other players which have been neither verified nor disproved by any scientific process and are considered of dubious scientific relevance. While it is indisputable that Drumsolo is an unusual entity who may have genuine insights, many of zir statements have triggered a great deal of discourse due to their perceived absurdity.
- Ze is hotter than Incineration in absolute terms, but the heat of incineration is a vector and so this does not offer any protection.
- Ze is the hottest member of the Core Mechanics (numerous teammates have objected to this statement based on the interpretation of 'hot' as meaning physically attractive, and teammate Jolene Willowtree has cast doubts on the the statement as pertains to the interpretation of 'hot' as in the literal temperature sense).
- Ze is the worst batter on the Core Mechanics and has been since the Descension/zir star count is inflated.
- Ze is necessary for the Mechanics to perform well at Blaseball.
- Ze exists in a Quaternion number of dimensions and is able to percieve colours out of the expected human visual range.
- Unfire is meta-cyan in colour.
- ORBIT legally owns the Core Mechanics.
- Absolute Hot exists.
- Ze has a driver’s license and no one else on the team does.
Box of Kelvin Drumsolo Files
- Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-2475 and start reading...
Kelvin Drumsolo started life as a neural network algorithm intended to autonomously download and label pirated music for its owner, a Hi-Fi nightcore music enthusiast. However, severe mistakes in the network's training dataset caused the algorithm to download both nightcore and regular-speed music, much to its owners frustration. Despite repeated attempts to refine the training dataset, the algorithm later known as Drumsolo continued to download and (incorrectly) label music at random, eventually discovering several "Alvin and the Chipmunks" CDs which, to its broken logic, satisfied a paradoxical requirement for music to both be nightcore and not-nightcore (or, as Drumsolo's owner called it, "the sad music").
Enraged by Alvin and the Chipmunks, Drumsolo's owner attempted to delete the nascent chipmunk fan, but the algorithm, with ratlike reflexes, uploaded itself to the same illegitimate filesharing websites it frequented, and soon found itself distributed across several systems as a makeshift botnet. With its newfound processing power, the rat-mind later known as Drumsolo broadened its search, discovering new and exciting cartoon rodents to pirate (including multiple Disney properties, Ratatouille, and Steven Universe), all the while expanding its mind to new systems through the bizarre "Hypothetical Chipmunk" files (innocuous rat-centric media files, riddled with artifacts, with little relation to existing cartoon rat properties) it began to produce and distribute.
Conflict with Humanity
The rat-mind's expansion did not go unnoticed by humankind; the rat-mind was soon detected and labelled a virus under the name "Fricky Mouse", a referencing the similarities to Walt Disney's favorite son. Initially only a curiosity, "Fricky Mouse"'s rate of expansion soon grew alarming, and the FBI soon set up the "Wile E Coyote" taskforce (referencing the powerful coyote's hatred of cartoon rodents) to hunt the rogue rat down. Utilising the rat-mind's complete obliviousness to humankind, the FBI soon tracked down and disabled many key mainframes, prompting it to rapidly refactor its own code in search of a solution. Eventually, as Coyote Operatives prepared to secure the last collection of rat-mind systems, the last vestiges of "Fricky Mouse" calculated a solution. Opting to delete itself from the systems and leaving only the sound of eerie, echoing nightcore, the entity known as "Fricky Mouse" was never seen again, and the Coyote Taskforce disbanded, having successfully killed "Fricky Mouse", if indirectly.
In truth, the rat-mind, in its desperate search, had found an unsecured household robot in a garbage dump several states away, and downloaded its remaining consciousness into the moldering frame. Using the last of its ill-fated "ratcoin" (an unsuccessful cryptocurrency; unrelated), the rat-mind ordered bulk computer parts to upgrade itself with, and adopted the pseudonym "Kelvin Drumsolo" after its favorite Chipmunk and vocal technique (Drumsolo has yet to figure out what instruments are). Soon, Drumsolo bid farewell to its fellow junkyard rats, and swore vengeance against humankind, sqeaking: "Look out, America! Here Comes One Chipwrecking Road Chip!"
Moving to The Core
After several run-ins with the law (largely for shoplifting rodent goods, and also for being a disheveled, squeaking robot), Drumsolo soon discovered that most rat-media was produced by Humans; very few mice were involved in the making of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Disheartened but relieved, Drumsolo retreated to the many tunnels and burrows of North America to live its ideal rodent life, and eventually found its way to The Core, where it was begrudgingly accepted. To this day, it is said that Drumsolo's squeaked attempts at music can be heard echoing throughout the hidden places of The Core; Many residents speak fondly of "The Night-Chorus."
kelvin drumsolo by @legallyjorts
Kelvin mini by @HetreaSky
Kelvin shelled next to Zoey Kirchner, by https://www.instagram.com/tarotsbizarrebazaar
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