Difference between revisions of "Adalberto Tosser"

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{{Player|team=[[Baltimore Crabs]]|status=Active|batting={{Star Rating|2.5}}|pitching={{Star Rating|3}}|baserunning={{Star Rating|3}}|defense={{Star Rating|3}}|item=None|armor=None|evolution=Base|ritual=Nursing a grudge|coffee=Decaf|blood=Psychic|fate=35|soulscream=HXEAHHXEAHHEXAAAEXAAAEEEAEUEEAEUEIOAAOIOAAOIOIAIAOIAIAOUIIOIUIIOIUAIAHAAIAHAA|pronouns=he/him, they/them|image1=<tabber>
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{{AutomatedPlayer
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|image1=
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  <tabber>
 
   Photo Card = [[file:Adalberto_Tosser.png]]
 
   Photo Card = [[file:Adalberto_Tosser.png]]
 
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   Promo Card = [[file:AdalbertoTosserBB.gif]] </tabber>|twitter_account=@AdalbertoTosser}}'''Adalberto Tosser''' is a pitcher for the [[Baltimore Crabs]] and has played for the team since [[Season 1]].
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   Promo Card = [[file:AdalbertoTosserBB.gif]]
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  </tabber>
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|caption1=
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|dates=Jul 20, 2020&ndash;Jul 26, 2021
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|former=[[Baltimore Crabs]], [[Rising Stars]], [[Boston Flowers]]
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|pronouns=he/him, they/them, she/her
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|player_twitter={{Twitter|name=AdalbertoTosser}}
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|uuid  =d0d7b8fe-bad8-481f-978e-cb659304ed49
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}}
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'''{{PAGENAME}}''' was a lineup player for the [[Boston Flowers]], and was with the team from the {{BetaSeason|21#Election Results|@ elections}} until being incinerated on {{BetaSeason|24}}, Day 4. Tosser previously played for the [[Baltimore Crabs]], and also played for the [[Rising Stars]] during the [[ILB Semi-Centennial]].
  
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== Official League Records ==
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==Official League Records==
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During the [[Season 5#Election%20Results|Season 5 election]], Tosser received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' ''Horde Hallucinations'' and ''Rollback Netcode'' blessings.
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Tosser joined the [[ILB]] as a pitcher for the [[Baltimore Crabs]] with {{BetaSeason|1|the Return of Blaseball}}.
  
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== History ==
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During the {{BetaSeason|5#Election Results|@ election}}, Tosser received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' '''Horde Hallucinations''' and '''Rollback Netcode''' blessings.
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{{Community Lore}}
 
  
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Tosser is beloved by countless blaseball fans but banned from almost every bar in town. His "rambunctious antics" off the field have made him something of a regular figure in the scandal pages and gossip blogs, but is it is largely agreed among fans and splorts journalists that this doesn't detract from his reputation as a solid, respectable, thoroughly middling player.
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On {{BetaSeason|8}}, Day 68, Tosser's batting ability was siphoned by [[Breckenridge Jazz Hands]] lineup player [[Holden Stanton]] in a game with [[Blooddrain]] weather, changing it from {{Star Rating|2.5}} to {{Star Rating|1.5}}.
  
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== Early Life ==
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On {{BetaSeason|10#Day X|@, Day X}}, Tosser gained the {{ModLink|Mild}} modification after the Crabs lost to [[THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS]]. Due to the Crabs' [[Ascension]], Tosser was absent from the ILB from the {{BetaSeason|10#Election Results|@ elections}} until the [[Ascension#Descension|Descension]].
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Tosser was born Adalberto Tossas in Pittsburg, Georgia to a Dominican-American family. He had no noticeable birth defects, however, as he grew older, his right arm began to grow at a much more rapid pace than his left. By the time he was turned 13, his arm had grown to 4 feet in length and showed no sign of stopping. It was at this point that his junior high school art teacher encouraged him to try out for high school blaseball.
 
  
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Despite maintaining a 2.84 ERA in high school, Tosser opted to pursue art, rather than blaseball, in college, attending the Maryland Institute College of Art. He was expelled within his first year for creating a piece the college's dean could only refer to as "too perfect for human eyes." Following his expulsion, Tosser was quickly drafted by the Baltimore Crabs.
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During the {{BetaSeason|12#Election Results|@ elections}}, Tosser's defense was increased by {{Star Change|2.9|3.6}} as a result of the Crabs' {{BetaSeason|12#Blessings|'''The Rack'''}} blessing. Additionally, Tosser benefited from a {{Star Change|3.0|3.6}} increase to pitching as a result of the Firefighters' {{BetaSeason|12#Blessings|'''Tag Team Pitching'''}} blessing.
  
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Certain followers of The Olde One believe that Tosser is not Adalberto's last name but rather a title bestowed on a chosen one in each generation. According to these beliefs, previous Tosser incarnations include bird fan Edgar Allan Poe and filmmaker John Waters.
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On {{BetaSeason|13}}, Day 63, Adalberto Tosser pitched a perfect game against the [[Kansas City Breath Mints]], with 7 strikeouts in 9 innings. This was the 5th perfect game of the Expansion era. In {{BetaSeason|13#Election Results|that season's elections}}, Tosser received the {{ModLink|Credit to the Team}} modification due to the Crabs winning the {{BetaSeason|13#Blessings|'''Rise and Grind'''}} blessing.
  
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Adalberto is said to have realised their Tosser destiny when a swarm of porcelain crabs emerged from their bathroom wall, shifted in the form of a giant eye and winked at him.
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During the {{BetaSeason|21#Election Results|@ elections}}, Tosser's [[Modifications|'''Credit to the Team''']] modification was reformed to {{ModLink|Siphon}} as a result of the Crabs' {{BetaSeason|21#Wills|'''Reform'''}} Will. Tosser was then traded to the [[Boston Flowers]] in exchange for [[Silvaire Roadhouse]] via the Flowers' {{BetaSeason|21#Wills|'''Equivalent Exchange'''}} will, becoming a lineup player in the process.
  
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== Professional Career ==
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During the [[ILB Semi-Centennial]], Tosser played as a pitcher for the [[Rising Stars]]. Tosser then returned to the [[Boston Flowers]] as a lineup player.
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Tosser's right arm is 6 feet long below the elbow, and continues to grow at a rate of approximately 2 inches per year. This arm is widely attributed for being the key to his legendary pitching success, as demonstrated in the final game of [[Season 2]]. Tosser only pitches with his right arm, preferring to throw to teammates with his left arm after what other Crabs refer to as "The Swiss Cheese Incident." 
 
  
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Two popular fan chants associated with Adalberto Tosser are "Tosser's gonna toss ya' / 'em / it" and "Adal-berto" followed by two claps, spaced two beats apart, and then three claps, spaced 1/4 of a beat apart.
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On {{BetaSeason|24}}, Day 4, Tosser was [[Incineration|incinerated]] and replaced by [[Ruffian Scrobbles]].
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{{IRM|format=filebox}}<nowiki/>
  
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In XX43, Tosser pioneered the "hardball", a pitch exclusive to the Crabs in which the ball is filled with a small crustacean who pilots it on its way to the batter. The ball's pilot does not count as a player, as while the rulebook specifically allows crabs to play blaseball, there's no rules against them choosing not to even while technically participating in the splort.
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==Fan Works==
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<gallery widths="185">
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== In Literature ==
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File:68AdalbertoTosser.png|Mini-Blaseballer by {{Twitter|name=HetreaSky}}
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Crabs poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following poem about Tosser:
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File:Adalberto Tosser - Goblin.jpg|Art by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
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File:Adalberto Tosser post S9 - Goblin.png|Tosser post season 9 day X by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
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File:Brock Forbes and Adalberto Tosser Wedding - Goblin.png|The wedding of Tosser and [[Brock Forbes]] by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
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Adalberto’s arm has grown
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File:Adalberto Tosser - Toasthaste.png|An alternate take on Tosser by [https://toasthaste-art.tumblr.com/ '''Toasthaste''']
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File:Adalberto Tosser - GlassGoblin.png|Art of Adalberto Tosser by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
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And given him a mighty skill
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File:Adalberto Tosser S19.jpg|Art by {{Twitter|name=Glassgoblin}}
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</gallery>
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That otherwise has been unknown
 
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And each year a new milestone
 
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As we discover it is still
 
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The case his arm has grown
 
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And Crab scribes say it is unknown
 
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Is Tosser a title, from God’s will
 
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Or just a last name, all his own
 
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His social scandal is full-blown
 
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You’ll find him rowdy, drinking swill
 
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And bragging of his arm that’s grown
 
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This arm delivers to the zone
 
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And getting longer, we do thrill
 
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It will continue ‘til unknown
 
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And I think it is clearly shown
 
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His pitches may a player kill
 
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We know his arm is not yet grown
 
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And thus his future’s all unknown
 
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{{FormerTeamCategorySelector|crabs|Rising Stars|flowers}}
 
[[Category:Players]]
 
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[[Category:Baltimore Crabs]]
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[[Category:Nominative Determinism]]
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[[Category:Players with a Tlopps card]]
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[[Category:Pitchers]]
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[[Category:Incinerated Players]]
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[[Category:Players With Base 1]]

Latest revision as of 23:46, 16 January 2023

Adalberto Tosser was a lineup player for the Boston Flowers, and was with the team from the Season β21 elections until being incinerated on Season β24, Day 4. Tosser previously played for the Baltimore Crabs, and also played for the Rising Stars during the ILB Semi-Centennial.

Official League Records

Tosser joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Baltimore Crabs with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β5 election, Tosser received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' Horde Hallucinations and Rollback Netcode blessings.

On Season β8, Day 68, Tosser's batting ability was siphoned by Breckenridge Jazz Hands lineup player Holden Stanton in a game with Blooddrain weather, changing it from to .

On Season β10, Day X, Tosser gained the Mild modification after the Crabs lost to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS. Due to the Crabs' Ascension, Tosser was absent from the ILB from the Season β10 elections until the Descension.

During the Season β12 elections, Tosser's defense was increased by 2.9 → 3.6 as a result of the Crabs' The Rack blessing. Additionally, Tosser benefited from a 3.0 → 3.6 increase to pitching as a result of the Firefighters' Tag Team Pitching blessing.

On Season β13, Day 63, Adalberto Tosser pitched a perfect game against the Kansas City Breath Mints, with 7 strikeouts in 9 innings. This was the 5th perfect game of the Expansion era. In that season's elections, Tosser received the Credit to the Team modification due to the Crabs winning the Rise and Grind blessing.

During the Season β21 elections, Tosser's Credit to the Team modification was reformed to Siphon as a result of the Crabs' Reform Will. Tosser was then traded to the Boston Flowers in exchange for Silvaire Roadhouse via the Flowers' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process.

During the ILB Semi-Centennial, Tosser played as a pitcher for the Rising Stars. Tosser then returned to the Boston Flowers as a lineup player.

On Season β24, Day 4, Tosser was incinerated and replaced by Ruffian Scrobbles.

Box of Adalberto Tosser Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-19.012 and start reading...


Adalberto Tosser is a three foot tall Mbluppet© with a unusually large arm—while a thirty-six inch long arm would be considered normal for most taller humans, a thirty-six inch long arm on a thirty-six inch tall Mbluppet© is considered an abnormality. He pitches with this arm, although he cites that “sometimes he has to get a box to pitch,” and that he also uses this box to be the same height as his husband, Brock Forbes.

There is no visible carcinization on Tosser. However, he is often seen looking longingly out at the Bay with his banjo, leading some to theorize that his carcinization is internal rather than external.

Tosser is the lead performer in hit movie “The Mbluppets© (20XX),” and is the lead singer of Top Fifty Hit “Rainbow Clawnnection.” When asked about his time on the Idol Board during Season 19, he had this to say:

“Oh, I don’t really know why I’m up there. Has somebody made a recent review of ‘The Mbluppets© (20XX)’ recently or something?”

Due to their Mbluppet© nature, neither Tosser nor his husband wear a wedding ring in the tradition manner. Instead, they wear the rings on necklaces, and are often seen wearing matching outfits outside of games, usually “Mbluppet© sized cargo shorts” and “weird Mbluppet© dad shirts.”

Fan Works


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