Winnie Hess

Winnie Hess
Art by @ghostwriterish
Basic Information
Team	Kansas City Breath Mints
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Meditation
Coffee Style	Cold Brew
Blood Type	AA
Fate	64
Soulscream	EHEUXEHEUXEIIAAAIIAAAIEIAEIEIAEIEAUAXAAUAXAAIOAHUIOAHUIIEIOUIEIOUIAHAAAAHAAAAIAAEEIAAEEI
Biographical Details
Species	Unknown

Winnie Hess is a pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints. Hess has been with the Breath Mints since the end of Season One. Hess previously pitched for the Baltimore Crabs. She has been said to resemble a humanoid horse.

Official League Records

At the end of Season One, Hess came to the Breath Mints after the Crabs received the "Steal Best Pitcher" Blessing and stole PolkaDot Patterson. Upon arriving in Kansas City, Hess jumped from a zero star pitcher to a two and a half star pitcher after receiving the "Mysterious Enhancement" blessing.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Hess is known as one of the crowd favorites among Mints' fans. Energy scouters have confirmed she has exactly one horsepower. After the end of Season Four, all of the Breath Mints' pitchers benefitted from the Non-Dominant Arms blessing, which quickly made her one of the most reliable and skilled pitchers in the league. The seasons that followed came to be known among Mints' fans as "The Horse Era."

Previously, it was thought that her easily being spooked by loud and sudden noises was due to her being a horse. It is said that her greatest rival is the plastic bag. However, she has come out on the matter saying that the horse excuse is, in fact, not true, and she has been diagnosed with ADHD, and a hypersensitivity to sound. Despite this (or maybe because of it), she remains the Breath Mints' best pitcher.

She has been public about her ADHD helping her Blaseball career, even going so far as to say, "you know what good things come out of having hyperfixations in this game? I never stop working to be a better pitcher."

Winnie prefers "Dark Horse" for her trot-up music.

In Literature

Baltimore Crabs Poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following poem about Hess:

Dear Winnie Hess has left our park
While here, she made near zero mark
In truth for some she’s been forgot
‘Cept as the trade for Polkadot

But since she left she’s really grown
And has for Kansas City shown
Herself a workhorse in rotation
Fueled by hay and meditation.

And so in hindsight I now muse
That if again we got to choose
Whether to trade Winnie away
It’s very clear we’d answer “nay!”