Winnie Hess

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Revision as of 20:50, 7 September 2020 by Pitapot (talk | contribs) (poem formatting)


Winnie Hess is a pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints. Hess has been with the Breath Mints since the end of Season One. Hess previously pitched for the Baltimore Crabs.

Official League Records

At the end of Season One, Hess came to the Breath Mints after the Crabs received the "Steal Best Pitcher" Blessing and stole PolkaDot Patterson. Upon arriving in Kansas City, Hess jumped from a zero star pitcher to a two and a half star pitcher after receiving the "Mysterious Enhancement" blessing.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Personal Life

Hess has been said to resemble a humanoid horse, or a humanoid human wearing a horse mask. Energy scouters have confirmed she has exactly one horsepower.

Winnie prefers "Dark Horse" for her trot-up music.

In Literature

Baltimore Crabs Poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following poem about Hess:

Dear Winnie Hess has left our park
While here, she made near zero mark
In truth for some she’s been forgot
‘Cept as the trade for Polkadot

But since she left she’s really grown
And has for Kansas City shown
Herself a workhorse in rotation
Fueled by hay and meditation.

And so in hindsight I now muse
That if again we got to choose
Whether to trade Winnie away
It’s very clear we’d answer “nay!”