Houston Spies

Houston Spies
Logo by Dalmationer
Division	Chaotic Evil
Ballpark	An Undisclosed Location
Modifications	Blood WinnerIn the Blood Bath each season, this team must give Stars to the team that finished first in their division.
Home Location	Houston
Team Slogan	"Bang BANG"
Team Colors	#67556b
Emoji	[CLASSIFIED]
Rivals	Seattle Garages
Mascot	[REDACTED]
Social media	Hungarian numbers station

The Houston Spies are a blaseball team in the Chaotic Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1.

Players

Lineup

• Reese Clark
• Comfort Septemberish
• Fitzgerald Blackburn
• Howell Franklin
• Son Scotch
• Alexandria Rosales
• Morrow Wilson
• Marco Escobar
• Valentine Games

Pitchers

• Donia Bailey
• Theodore Holloway
• Denzel Scott
• Math Velazquez
• Jordan Hildebert

Former Players

Incinerations

• Dickerson Greatness (Incinerated Season 2, Day 65)
• Miki Santana (Incinerated Season 3, Day 76)

Feedback Swaps

• Yeong-Ho Benitez (Replaced Season 4, Day 37 by Morrow Wilson)
• Collins Melon (Replaced Season 6, Day 43 by Comfort Septemberish)
• Andrew Solis (Replaced Season 6, Day 51 by Valentine Games)

Season Results

Season 1

Effortlessly qualified for playoffs. Made short work of the Hades Tigers in the first round of the postseason, before a narrow loss to eventual winners the Philly Pies. Mathematicians have pointed out that any team knocked out by the eventual winners have as much right to the second place spot as the team that loses in the finals.

Season 2

While many league historians claim that the spies didn't reach the playoffs in season 2, no independently verifiable eyewitness accounts attest to this. Sadly, the details of their season 2 playoffs campaign, assuming it took place, are most likely lost to the ages.

Season 3

The Spies had an incredible showing in season 3, with their ultimate fate still undecided going into the final day of games. In the end, the Spies were victorious, becoming the final team to secure a spot at Party Time.

There was controversy in the off-season due to the enactment of a blessing (Rigour Mortis) that crippled their division by lowering the others baserunning by 10%. Internally however, the Spies have shown concern over this, feeling as if they are being framed for an act of sabotage that they did not commit. When confronted, their response was unusually clear and open: "We wouldn't willingly act out to hurt any of our potential allies." Their official responseechoes this.

Season 4

At the end of the Season 4 Elections, the Spies were first cursed by the Questioning Their Every Decision blessing, which was won by the Canada Moist Talkers, which impaired the Spies vibes by 7%. However, the Spies won the Summoning Circle blessing, which randomized the stats of Marco Escobar, leaving them with a rating.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Team Overview

There are rumors that the Spies are a front for "the gathering of intelligence to fuel an eldritch and diabolical purpose". The Spies assert that they are exclusively concerned with playing blaseball and that such accusations are unsubstantiated and "myopic at best."

The Spies play their home games at an undisclosed location generally thought to be in Houston; however a receipt for a great deal of rocket fuel dropped by Spies batter Reese Clark at a season 3 afterparty hosted by the San Francisco Lovers has been taken by some as proof that the location is in fact located in space.

For security purposes, the Spies' mascot is changed daily. Spies players have special dispensation from the league not to use bats - while they may appear to use bats, these are in fact specially built magnifying glasses with very large handles. Spies players are easily recognizable in their distinctive uniform trench coat, which is worn at all times. Anyone not wearing a trench coat is self-evidently not a spy, and you need not worry about them, or their interest in your dossiers.

It has been noted that Spies players are generally referred to using they/them pronouns (with the notable exception of Math Velazquez). It has been theorised that Spies players likely use a variety of pronouns for themselves, but that this personal information has been classified by the Spies organisation in all public sources. However, as the document which sets out which elements of Spies players' identities are classified is itself heavily classified, this theory is unproven. It has also been suggested that Spies players are generally without gender, or that Spies frequently change genders and that usage of they/them is a time-saving measure, to avoid spending vast amounts of time updating gendered references in personnel files.

Players that have been 'incinerated' by Blaseball terminology standards are considered MIA (Missing In Action) rather than KIA (Killed In Action). Their files are updated to reflect this change and a Burn Notice issued to the other teams to update their records. Their names are laser-etched into a sheet of black rock, which is kept in a hermetically-sealed room to avoid further tampering. In the event that any incinerated Spies player returns to corporeal form, this record can be expunged at the touch of a button. For the sake of internal security and protection of identities, incinerated Spies players are not commemorated at public memorial sites.

Fan Culture

For a more in-depth look at the Spies' fan culture, see Houston Spies/Fan Culture.

Select Chants

Athlimasmologists have documented numerous Spies chants, both for the whole team and a few for individual players. By far the most popular Spies chant is "We could be you! We could be me!". This is thought to be a reference to the Spies' historical usage of double agents, though Spies management insists these tactics are a thing of the past. Other classic Spies chants include "Houston... We are the Problem" and "Bang BANG".

Fan Art

Have more Spies fan art? Add it here and at Houston Spies/Fan Art!

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  Alternative logo

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  Alternative logo by Cobaltcakes.

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  Fanart by Crash.

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  Fanart by Orange#7738 on Discord.

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  Fanart by PyromanticArts.