Denzel Scott was a lineup player for the Houston Spies, and was with the team from Season β1 until Fall Ball.
Official League Records
Scott joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Houston Spies at the beginning of Season β1.
On Season β9, Day 52, Scott became a lineup player due to Reverb.
During the Coffee Cup, Scott played for Cream & Sugar United as a lineup player.
On Season β12, Day 37, Scott was in a game with Peanuts weather by Tokyo Lift player Wyatt Quitter.
On Season β13, Day 105, Scott was freed from their shell by birds.
On Season β19, Day 22, Scott received the Prized Charitable Sunglasses of the Famine, from a Prize Match.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Box of Denzel Scott Files
- Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-7.8837 and start reading...
Denzel Scott has become internationally recognised for being the most frequently overlooked player in the Houston Spies, if not the entire league. Scott's reputation for lacking a reputation began at a young age, as they were notorious for being forgotten with an alarming frequency. This is surprising, given that Scott is both a car and a person. Sometimes Scott is a car, sometimes a very mundane human, and sometimes Scott operates as both the car and the exceedingly average driver that they manifest from within them, and yet in all instances they remain entirely forgettable.
As a car, Scott can take many forms, often opting for a sporty or subtle look. Some of Scott’s popular forms include an Honda Odyssey, an inconspicuous telephone company van, a limousine, an Aston Martin DB5, KITT, and a 1958 Denzel 1300WD. While Scott the car can communicate via speech through the car radio or honking their horn in Morse code, at times they prefer to communicate through selective song playing, finding appropriate lyrical responses to the conversation. When Scott the car curses or discusses classified information, the car horn honks involuntarily, censoring whatever curse word they said.
Capitalising on their local fame, Scott joined the Houston Spies to demonstrate their other great talent—Blaseball playing. They, alongside Math Velazquez, were, ironically, one of the Spies' worst pitchers until both received replacement elbows, which applied to the car as well as the human Scott, despite the car not having arms or elbows. Because of a Season 9, Day 52 Reverb event, both became hitters, where they have performed well.
Human Scott uses a bat to hit the ball, while as a car Scott opts instead to open their doors to hit the ball. Scott’sBlaseball playing also granted them the opportunity to demonstrate their incredible forgettability on a national stage. Over the course of their career, Scott has managed to become one of the splort's most recognisable stars by being its least recognisable star. In fact, during the Season 6 election Scott was so forgettable that, even though they were obviously the least idolized player in the league, their teammate Howell Franklin was chosen to swap teams by a blessing targeting the least-idolized instead. When asked about coming in second place as being the most overlooked, Scott said, “No, I wouldn’t say I’m bitter. But people have a thing, you know? And mine is being the most forgettable. Guess I just never expected to come in second at that.”
Denzel Scott has a normal personal life—perfectly average, in fact. They are 52 years old, with a bachelor's degree in business management, a loving spouse, exactly 2.5 children, and a two-bedroom house in eastern Houston built in the late 1970s, 26.1 minutes away from the Spies stadium. They are so aggressively normal that they seem to have built up an inexplicable immunity to the supernatural, eldritch, weird, or otherwise interesting abilities of other Blaseball players, which extends between the human and the car.
Documented examples include:
- Complimenting the eye color of Math Velazquez, despite the fact that Math is a metaphysical construct of the entire mathematical discipline, and therefore does not have a face.
- Reporting no memory of having raised Son Scotch, but treating them as one of Scott's 2.5 children anyway, since according to them, "It's only polite".
- Always recognizing and warmly greeting Reese Clark despite Reese’s ever-changing appearance, which often ruins a perfectly good stakeout.
- Scott always accurately pronounces the otherwise indecipherable growl that is the name of the demon Marco Escobar summoned, doing so even in car form.
- Recognizing the true nature of Collins Melon, thereby prompting Collins to offer Scott a lifetime supply of (thankfully non-sentient) melons to secure their silence.
- Upon meeting Boyfriend Monreal, Scott politely rejected their advance and was quoted as honking in Morse code “Sorry, I have my weekly date night with my partner in a little bit, can’t chat.”
If there are more examples of this singular phenomenon, they have likely been forgotten, along with so much else about the famously obscure Denzel Scott.
Scott's existence, and the facts of their condition, are the closest that we likely will ever get to proof positive of the Spies' spying. Logic dictates that they are one of the team's greatest assets, and would be a treasure trove of information about the Spies' covert activities, if only the team would officially recognize that Scott exists at all.
Scott is a very responsible and kind person. Both human and car Scott often do the dishes without being asked, pay the rent early, and keep the bathrooms at Spies HQ sparklingly clean, despite a car not being able to perform these tasks. Car Scott also always opens the door for passengers, keeps the interior at a very comfortable temperature that never needs adjustment, and acts as the designated driver for all Spies events. Scott is so responsible and polite that it seems to manifest in strange ways. When others misplace something, Scott always finds it in the first place they look. When at the store, they always manage to find one more item of whatever they’re looking for, even if the store claims to be out of that item. These traits are shared, like all other traits, between the human and car Scott.
- ↑ Scott, Denzel. Pay Attention but Do Not Pay Attention to Me, Unsuspicious Houston Publishing Co., 2020, 38 p., ISBN 2-1-14-7-2-1-14-7
Scott was the first player in the League to be Shelled in the Expansion Era. On Season 12 Day 37, in a game against the Tokyo Lift, they were shelled by Wyatt Quitter. Though the event was televised, many rumors abound about precisely how and why Quitter shelled Scott. All stories converge, though, on Denzel's shell sitting on second base.
Scott’s time in the shell was bleak. Scott was known for having a sort of “normalcy” field, which allowed them to ignore metaphysical barriers and effects by simply not noticing them. When Shelling proved to be able to overpower this effect, though, Scott’s world was shattered. Popular speculation is that the Shelling forced them to come to terms with living in a reality where being trapped and isolated in a peanut shell for months was possible. For their part, Scott refuses to talk about their time in the shell.
Return to the Team
Scott was finally unshelled on Season 13, Day 105, in the middle of the playoffs series against the Chicago Firefighters. Their exit was sudden, and Scott was not prepared to start playing again. The Spies ended up losing this series 3-2.
It was only then that Scott learned about the incineration of former teammate Theodore “Teddy” Holloway, which had happened earlier in Season 13. It was unclear how Scott took the news, but shortly after this, Son Scotch was incinerated early in Season 14. After this event, Scott frequently left the team behind after games to "go for a drive," and would disappear for hours. However, reports from around this time say that no car matching Scott's description was ever recorded leaving or entering any parking lots during the time Scott was gone.
In the seasons that followed, Scott was regularly swept Elsewhere. They found themselves frequently accompanied by fellow spy Comfort Septemberish. The two bonded over their shared experiences. They eventually began going on missions together, with Scott often acting as Septemberish’s getaway driver.
While dealing with the aftermath of being shelled, Scott became close with newly unshadowed Spies pitcher and safety scientist Mohammed Picklestein. Picklestein was very fond of Scott, and ended up giving them a Fireproof Ring on Season 19 Day 51. The duo didn’t fully realize the implications of the gesture until a couple of other agents congratulated them on their “engagement.” The official story is that Picklestein merely accidentally kneeled to grab something before handing the ring to Scott.