Kelvin Drumsolo

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Revision as of 02:24, 26 December 2021 by Donnie Down Under (talk | contribs) (Added a reference to Kelvin making ORBIT the CoreMech owner in Season 19.)

Kelvin Drumsolo is a lineup player for the Core Mechanics, and has been with the team since the Descension.

Official League Records

Drumsolo joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Core Mechanics during the Descension.

In Day 69 of Season 19, the Mechanics faced the Dallas Steaks with every other batter in their Lineup sent Elsewhere. Kelvin Drumsolo was the sole batter for almost three innings, repeatedly replaced by themselves at bat without the benefit of a Repeating modification, and culminating with batting a Triple while also simultaneously occupating all other three bases.

On Season 20, Day 24, Drumsolo was  SHELLED in a game with Peanut weather by Dallas Steaks lineup player Jessica Telephone.

On Season 21, Day 2, Drumsolo was freed from their shell by birds. On Day 6, Drumsolo was swept  Elsewhere... and gained the Negative modification as a result of Cannonball Sports' Undertaker modification. On Day 104, Drumsolo retreated to the Mechanics' Shadows in exchange for Polkadot Patterson at Core Pillar Center via the Ratified Voicemail.

During the Season 21 elections, Drumsolo's batting was increased as a result of the Mechanics' Shadow Infuse will.

On Season 22, Day 1, Drumsolo joined the Mechanics' lineup in exchange for Gia Holbrook at the Core Pillar Center via the Ratified Voicemail.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Background

Kelvin Drumsolo has been playing for the Core Mechanics for zir entire Blaseball career. Zir origin is unknown, and ze is notably reluctant to discuss zir life before Blaseball. Ze has stated that ze named zirself because ze thought that Nominative Determinism was 'funny' and ze 'wanted something to aim for'. Ze is notable for being literally on fire at all times as well as being capable of reaching temperatures unsafe for most humans.

Personality and Appearance

An anonymous teammate described Drumsolo as being not 'the heart of the team but sort of like... the lung? Maybe the kidney? You need it and you wouldn't want to live without it but it's got stones in it?' In interviews, the team have called Drumsolo a little bother figure but also one of the few members of the team who has a drivers license. There is no record of Drumsolo ever recieving a drivers license. Drumsolo describes zirself as being the 'hottest' member of the team, though it is unclear whether ze means this in terms of physical attractiveness or literal temperature.

Drumsolo has stated that ze has been a wheelchair user for zir entire life but 'at some point' decided to put zir own spin on that. Drumsolo identifies as ex-human and has modified zirself heavily, creating zir fire hair as well as replacing many of zir biological organs with mechanical replacements. Ze has apparently also modified zir brain - initially to help it cope with the temperatures from zir head and later to enable neuro-interfacing. Zir iconic chair has a varying number of legs ranging from eight to sixteen as well as additional limbs which ze uses at times to hold zirself in place or to hold bats. It is also capable of holding a modular drumkit which ranges from no drums at times to the equivalent of four standard drumkits. The chair interfaces directly with Drumsolo's brain.

When asked about zir body modification and why ze hadn't opted to create cybernetic legs, ze stated that ze was 'faster than all of you on wheels - why would I downgrade like that?'. Drumsolo uses zir fame as a blaseball player to push for accessibility both within and without the Core and, while not technically a member, often collaborates with D.O.W.N..

Musical Career and Romantic Life

Drumsolo is a member of avant-garde noise-classical-electronicore-Core band Kelvin and the Kelvins along with fellow Mechanic Kelvin Andante. The pair frequently write music discussing themes such as re-marriage and divorce, with lyrics which talk about inconveniences such as rearranging kitchen storage, stealing shampoo, finishing the milk and not getting more and not knowing how to fix an oven. The pair have confirmed that they are kind of complicated.

Their musical releases frequently feature other members of the team with some claiming that the band should actually be called Kelvin and the Kelvins and the Core Mechanics+. In a press release the duo stated that their frequent contributors are valued friends and one of the ways their band ties into the local community, but that they have the very strict entry requirement of being named Kelvin. In addition, they stated that applicants with other temperature related names may discuss official membership which will be decided on a case-by-case basis.

Blaseball Career

Following the Descension, Drumsolo repeatedly refered to zirself as the worst batter on the team and seemed to take pride in that. Ze also stated that ze had perfected being the 'second most annoying thing on the team' to the point where ze was petitioning to have it recognized as a legitimate artform. Despite repeated discussions around shadowing zir, fans never used any Wills on removing Drumsolo from active play.

Drumsolo has also stated that ze is worse than zir stars which is apparently necessary to counteract the fact that 'everyone else is better than theirs'. Historically this has not borne out in zir performance. Ze has also stated that ze is necessary for the team to win championships and also 'score and stuff'. Drumsolo achieved both the first hit and the first run for the Mechanics in the ILB and has been present for both of their witnessed championships.

The Great Drumsolo

The event itself is extensively discussed elsewhere and so the focus here will be on the impact on Drumsolo zirself. Drumsolo has stated that the only impacts on zir life have been that firstly ze now has a failed merchandising deal and a ton of stickers of zirself and that secondly the rest of the team expects zir to show up to practice since apparently ze's been holding out on them.

Life Post the Drumsolo

Drumsolo resumed zir usual level of play following the Drumsolo, but stated that ze now existed 'in something like 2i-3j+k dimensions at once it's wild' and could see shrimp colours. This allowed zir to end the scientific debate on the colour of Unfire, claiming that it was meta-cyan.

Shortly after the Great Drumsolo, Kelvin claimed to have made the space telescope ORBIT into the legal owner of the Core Mechanics, for tax purposes. As the Mechanics do not live in a society with a centralised taxation system, it is unknown whether this is legally binding.

Drumsolo was Shelled in Season 20, minutes after then ex-Mechanic Zoey Kirchner had an allergic reaction. While Drumsolo was unable to communicate from within the shell, ze was apparently somewhat aware of zir location and would occasionally propel zirself into the air and go up for the Alley-Oop, scoring the final run for the Core Mechanics in the Season 20 Finals.

Following zir release early in Season 21, Drumsolo stated that ze held 'no grudges against Telephone or anyone on the Steaks. I mean, who would?'. Ze also stated that ze'd taken up walking in nature and had a new appreciation of wide, open spaces which were well lit and didn't smell of peanuts.

Drumsolo was Voicemailed while Elsewhere. While ze returned to active play about two weeks later following an Infusion to zir batting and another ride on the Voicemail, ze stated subsequently that ze hadn't expected the fans to want zir back and had settled into life Elsewhere as a long term thing. Ze also stated that ze wasn't sure the Infuse had gotten through and reiterated zir claims that zir starcount was fake and that ze is a very bad batter who no one should expect anything from.

Absolute Hot

It has been alleged that Drumsolo could reach Absolute Hot (theorized by some to be 1.416785(71)×10^32 degrees Kelvin) if ze gave an impressive enough performance. Pursuit of this goal has reportedly caused issues with zir social life and blaseball career, though Drumsolo responds to all questions on this by skittering away at high speeds playing the drums. This goal has also generated some controversy among physicists within the Core - some maintaining that potentially destroying everything by taking reality to its melting point is an unthinkable risk, while others feel that knowing the true maximum temperature would answer a lot of "very big questions" and be "pretty cool, or, I guess hot, haha" and that those opposed are "just a bunch of unscientific cowards." It has been noted that at least three of the scientists in favour were Kelvin Andante wearing different lab coats.

Unsubstantiated Claims

Drumsolo has made several claims regarding the physicality of the Immaterial Plane, blaseball, zirself and other players which have been neither verified nor disproved by any scientific process and are considered of dubious scientific relevance. While it is indisputable that Drumsolo is an unusual entity who may have genuine insights, many of zir statements have triggered a great deal of discourse due to their percieved absurdity.

  • Ze is hotter than Incineration in absolute terms, but the heat of incineration is a vector and so this does not offer any protection.
  • Ze is the hottest member of the Core Mechanics (numerous teammates have objected to this statement based on the interpretation of 'hot' as meaning physically attractive, and teammate Jolene Willowtree has cast doubts on the the statement as pertains to the interpretation of 'hot' as in the literal temperature sense).
  • Ze is the worst batter on the Core Mechanics and has been since the Descension/zir star count is inflated.
  • Ze is necessary for the Mechanics to perform well at Blaseball.
  • Ze exists in a Quaternion number of dimensions and is able to percieve colours out of the expected human visual range.
  • Unfire is meta-cyan in colour.


Fan Works