Joe Voorhees

Joe Voorhees
Art by @Spiral_Joe Logo by @LonghairQ
Basic Information
Team	Charleston Shoe Thieves
Former Team(s)	Canada Moist Talkers
Status	Alive
Batting	★★
Pitching	★★
Defense	★★★★
Running	(bugged)
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Synchronizing
Coffee Style	Decaf
Blood Type	Love
Fate	44
Soulscream	AIEIIAIEIIAXAAIAXAAIAXAAAHIAAAHIAIAAAIIAAAIIIOAEEIOAEEIHEIXAHEIXAHAXAAHAXAAHAAHAEAAHAEAAXXAAHXXAAHX
Biographical Details
Pronouns	He/Him
Language(s)	American Sign Language, Quebec Sign Language, English, French

Joe Voorhees is a lineup player for the Charleston Shoe Thieves and has been with the team since Season 4, Day 28 due to a feedback swap. Voorhees entered the league in Season 1 for the Canada Moist Talkers.

Official League Records

Voorhees currently has no notable events in the official recordbooks.

Notable Facts

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Joe Voorhees is definitely not undead serial killer and horror movie icon Jason Voorhees wearing two hlockey masks, that's just his preferred headgear of choice.

Joe Voorhees is famous in the world of Blaseball for never running, yet somehow always being where he needs to be at the right time. Fans have tried to see how he does it but always manage to just barely miss his movements. Voorhees has declined to comment on this matter.

Voorhees is mute and communicates primarily in American Sign Language, or occasionally Quebec Sign Language in which he is also fluent.

Voorhees has faintly green skin. Whether this is a skin condition or some sort of dye is unknown. Voorhees has declined to comment on this matter.

Voorhees is known for maintaining a collection of rare and high-quality knives, which he uses for his hobby preparing fresh sushi for his teammates on the Charleston Shoe Thieves.

Halifax Disappearances

When Joe Voorhees joined the Canada Moist Talkers there were multiple teenagers that vanished from the park during games. Some witnesses claim to have seen Voorhees following these individuals throughout the stadium. Those teenagers all disappeared while exploring a dark hallway deep in the bowels of the stadium that leads to a run down shack rumored to be Voorhees' home. Anyone who has tried to get inside of the shack has never been seen again. When asked about this, a Moist Talkers representative responded:

"The Moist Talkers don't know anything about any 'disappearances' within our stadium. I would advise all fans stay within the well lit parts of our stadium and refrain from exploring the rest of it. On the subject of Joe Voorhees 'stalking' teens throughout the park, all I can say is that he's in our dugout during the games. The only way he would be able to get out with nobody noticing is if he could teleport or something, which is absolutely preposterous."

When asked if he had any involvement in the supposed disappearances, Voorhees refused to answer.

Career With The Shoe Thieves

Following his trade to the Shoe Thieves Voorhees was initially met with a cool reception by both players and fans, likely due to some resentment at his replacement of Charleston veteran Workman Gloom or disagreements over the appropriate number of homicides per game.

Following an altercation over the murder of several teenage Shoe Thieves fans shortly after Voorhees's transfer, pitcher and manager Cornelius Games publicly banned him from the Charleston team clubhouse, reportedly stating: "Don't come back until you either learn to how to snag a pair of heels off a runway model or how to have some [expletive removed] respect."

In addition to duties as a hitter and position player, Voorhees assumed Workman Gloom's role as caretaker for team mascot and pitcher Beasley Gloom. While Voorhees initially found this role "challenging", according to teammates, he eventually formed a close bond with the pitcher, who shared his lifelong love of Slim Jim beef jerky snacks.

Struggling to bond with his new team, Voorhees reached out to his replacement on the Moist Talkers for advice. Gloom reportedly told him that "to be a Shoe Thief, you need to thieve some shoes," as well as advising him that many people, including most of the Charleston roster, disapprove of murder and may be uncomfortable around someone who commits it, a fact that Voorhees later stated he had "never been told before."

Gloom assisted Voorhees with stealing his first pair of shoes, a pair of 1989 Air Jordan IV's located in an airtight vault in an abandoned private collection in Sunken Charleston. Impressed with this heist, and swayed by the testimonials of both Beasley and Workman Gloom, Games relented and lifted Voorhees ban from the clubhouse, on the condition that he refrain from murder in the future. Voorhees accepted the condition and the number of corpses discovered in Choux Stadium each week decreased dramatically.

Shortly after his first month playing with Charleston, the team held a party for Voorhees, presenting him with a pair of steel-toed boots stolen from a rare earth metals processing plant, and a "30 Days Murder Free!" badge designed and constructed by Velasquez Alstott.

Joe specializes in stealing ice skates, the closest shoes to knives.

Nicknames

• The Slasher