Hewitt Best

Hewitt Best
art by linhtropy
Basic Information
Team	Kansas City Breath Mints
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Talking to god
Coffee Style	Anything
Blood Type	Psychic
Fate	43
Soulscream	OXEIUOXEIUOUIAEEUIAEEU
Biographical Details
Species	Unknown

Hewitt Best is a lineup player for the Kansas City Breath Mints. Best has been a part of the Breath Mints since Season One.

Official League Record

Best has not experienced any notable events.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Comrade Best is known for their beyond-perfect anticapitalism (warning: FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE) score.

Unbeknownst to anyone, Comrade Best is actually a human mech piloted by 5 Teen Hermit Crabs, who combine together to form the shape of Hewitt Best.

Best prefers Moskau by Dschinghis Khan or Crab Rave by Noisestorm for their walk-up music. ☭

Second Job

Hewett generally has a lower batting average than other players. This is because he spends the majority of his time and energy off the field in Max Betmint’s office, operating as union rep for the team.

A transcript from a recent visit:

Max Betmint: "Ah geez, this commie guy again. I told ya, youz guyz can get your cumulative breaks for the decade at the END of yer contract."

Hewett Best ☭: “No Max. We are here to talk about teeth. Oscar says you haven't approved any of the dental claims we've submitted.”

Max: “Ah, come on, yer bustin’ my blalls. We don’t have the budget fer teeth. You know how much a horse dennis gonna cost me?? A flippin’ MINT.”

An uncomfortable pause where a rimshot should be.

Max, accent degrading: “Besides, whadda youz gonna do about it? Picket an empty field?”

Hew: “No. The gift shop.”

There is another long and awkward pause. Max squirms uncomfortably in his leather chair, making rumpling and squeaking noises on the leather.

Hew: “Max, don't make me start chanting. We’re very good at it… Here, we’ll make up one right now: Teeth are good, teeth are great, fix our teeth or we don't play.”

Max: "Great don't rhyme wit 'play!"

Hew, tapping his bat on the desk: "Doesn't have to, Max. Doesn't have to."

Max: "FINE! I'll pay for da horse, but Oscar has to do her teeth too. Now make like a tree and geddouddahere!"

Lenny reluctantly leaves the room, followed by Hew closing the door behind them.

Max, yelling at the shut door: “And dat Filly’s E-R-A bedda improve before she even TINKS aboud no I-R-A!”