Bonk Jokes

Bonk Jokes
by Vixen
Basic Information
Team	Breckenridge Jazz Hands
Former Team(s)	Yellowstone Magic
Overall Rating	(2.5)
Batting	(2.5)
Pitching	(2)
Defense	(2.5)
Running	(2.5)
Vibes	(3.5)
Modifications	AlternateThis Player is an Alternate... Player is replaced with an alternate reality version, stats are randomized.
Dates Active	Oct 14, 2020–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page

Bonk Jokes is a lineup player for the Broken Ridge Jazz Hands, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Jokes has previously played for the Yellowstone Magic.

Official League Records

Jokes joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Yellowstone Magic on Season β10, Day 39 after the incineration of Annie Roland.

During the Coffee Cup, Jokes played for the Light & Sweet Electric Co. as a pitcher.

On Season β21, Day 95, Jokes retreated to the Magic's Shadows in exchange for Halexandrey Walton at Yellowstone National (Ball)Park via the Ratified Voicemail.

During the Season β21 Elections, Jokes received Alternate and Negative when the Magic were blessed with Shadow Alternate Trust. As a result of becoming an alternate, Jokes's stats were randomized.

On Season β22, Day 49, Jokes joined the Magic's lineup in exchange for Bones Piazza at the Yellowstone National (Ball)Park via the Ratified Voicemail.

During the Season β22 elections, Jokes lost the Negative modification as a result of the Roster Flip blessing.

During the December 2, 2022 Fall Ball, Jokes fell to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands.

During Season 2, Day 42 a Mage Umpire called Joke's Alternate during Solar Eclipse (Red) Weather.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Bonk Jokes Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-13.1.12-D and start reading...

Ornithomantic Assignation

A scrap of weathered parchment is inscribed in ashen ink by the Augur's hand

A collection of these notes was located in a file cabinet within the Yellowstone National Park Ballpark offices, all sharing a similar handwriting and purpose. Each note describes a member of the Yellowstone Magic, in synchronicity with a known reality counterpart, but as a particular species of bird. It remains unclear why the Augur is scrying these particular ornithomancies and what purpose they may serve, but the findings are dutifully recorded and cataloged when new ones are discovered.

Scrying target: Bonk Jokes (Magic lineup, skeletal amalgamation)

Ornithomantic assignation: many disparate identities exist within the target, circling around the core, but the preferred presentation is as bearded vulture or lammergeier (Gypaetus barbatus) - a remarkable Old World vulture with a diet of bones.

Appearance is distinct within the shifting shadows that signify other identifications within the system. Massive bird of prey with 10ft wingspan, brown wings, a yellow-white face and underside, and a v-shaped marking of black down the face that meets and terminates beneath the lower mandible, with trailing feathers representing the nominative "beard." However, appearance also shifts to that of the skeletal system of said bird, with a low red glow within the skull. In periods of flux the bird shifts rapidly in shape. In my observations I have recorded a white-throated magpie-jay, a southern white-faced owl, a Blackburnian warbler, a tourmaline sunangel, and a ruddy duck.

Collective is silent, using their immense size as an intimidation factor in defense of their territory. Collective also engages in the activity well-known of the species: that of arising to great height with a large scavenged bone in talons, and then dropping it to fall upon rocks, where it may break apart into manageable pieces. The pieces are then retrieved on the ground and swallowed whole. In this case, the bones are integrated into the overall identifiable signature, and may indicate the creation of a new aspect. Said aspects may shift to become the primary presentation at times, but as the recording of each aspect's identifiers and habits will occupy far more than one evening, I shall abstain, and merely report upon the overall front that is presented.

Of important note is the ancient Greek name for this bird, which is ossifrage, a name which means "bone breaker." Of additional important note is that the ancient Greeks regarded the ossifrage as one of the few birds regarded as truth-tellers to the sooth-sayers.

Arachismic-legumic reactivity: unknown.

Sanguinicity: unknown.

Migration status: nonmigratory (as of yet)

Ley line attunement: osteogenic.

This one is a very new construct, assembled by the "Wise" in great haste. I have a great many suggestions for him, which he would no doubt spurn. However, he has overlooked the very important fact that his newest construct is-

The ink is too smeared to read beyond those words.

Fan Works

Fanfiction

For more fanfiction, see the Bonk Jokes tag on AO3.

• last call by waveridden - One last Yellowstone Magic card game night.

• 

  Bonk by ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

• 

  Season 11 rookie card by ChewyPudding#7060

• 

  ASL, by batfights

• 

  Learning about Weatherman, by batfights

• 

  Making a friend with Chorby, by batfights

• 

  Three of Wands
  by @birbteef

• 

  A Tlopps card of Bonk Jokes, by @VoxiSour.

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