Houston Spies

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Revision as of 00:58, 31 August 2020 by Cobaltcakes (talk | contribs)

The Houston Spies are a blaseball team in the Chaotic Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1.


Players

Lineup

Pitchers

Former Players

Incinerations

Feedback Swaps

Season Results

Season 1

Effortlessly qualified for playoffs. Made short work of the Hades Tigers in the first round of the postseason, before a narrow loss to eventual winners the Philly Pies. Mathematicians have pointed out that any team knocked out by the eventual winners have as much right to the second place spot as the team that loses in the finals.

Season 2

While many league historians claim that the spies didn't reach the playoffs in season 2, no independently verifiable eyewitness accounts attest to this. Sadly, the details of their season 2 playoffs campaign, assuming it took place, are most likely lost to the ages.

Season 3

The Spies had an incredible showing in season 3, with their ultimate fate still undecided going into the final day of games. In the end, the Spies were victorious, becoming the final team to secure a spot at Party Time.

There was controversy in the off-season due to the enactment of a blessing (Rigour Mortis) that crippled their division by lowering the others baserunning by 10%. Internally however, the Spies have shown concern over this, feeling as if they are being framed for an act of sabotage that they did not commit. When confronted, their response was unusually clear and open: "We wouldn't willingly act out to hurt any of our potential allies." Their official responseechoes this.

Season 4

At the end of the Season 4 Elections, the Spies were first cursed by the Questioning Their Every Decision blessing, which was won by the Canada Moist Talkers, which impaired the Spies vibes by 7%. However, the Spies won the Summoning Circle blessing, which randomized the stats of Marco Escobar, leaving them with a rating.


COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Team Overview

There are rumors that the Spies are a front for "the gathering of intelligence to fuel an eldritch and diabolical purpose". The Spies assert that they are exclusively concerned with playing blaseball and that such accusations are unsubstantiated and "myopic at best."

The Spies play their home games at an undisclosed location generally thought to be in Houston; however a receipt for a great deal of rocket fuel dropped by Spies batter Reese Clark at a season 3 afterparty hosted by the San Francisco Lovers has been taken by some as proof that the location is in fact located in space.

For security purposes, the Spies' mascot is changed daily. Spies players have special dispensation from the league not to use bats - while they may appear to use bats, these are in fact specially built magnifying glasses with very large handles. Spies players are easily recognizable in their distinctive uniform trench coat, which is worn at all times. Anyone not wearing a trench coat is self-evidently not a spy, and you need not worry about them, or their interest in your dossiers.

It has been noted that Spies players are generally referred to using they/them pronouns (with the notable exception of Math Velazquez). It has been theorised that Spies players likely use a variety of pronouns for themselves, but that this personal information has been classified by the Spies organisation in all public sources. However, as the document which sets out which elements of Spies players' identities are classified is itself heavily classified, this theory is unproven. It has also been suggested that Spies players are generally without gender, or that Spies frequently change genders and that usage of they/them is a time-saving measure, to avoid spending vast amounts of time updating gendered references in personnel files


Fan Culture

For a more in-depth look at the Spies' fan culture, see Houston Spies/Fan Culture.

Select Chants

Athlimasmologists have documented numerous Spies chants, both for the whole team and a few for individual players. By far the most popular Spies chant is "We could be you! We could be me!". This is thought to be a reference to the Spies' historical usage of double agents, though Spies management insists these tactics are a thing of the past. Other classic Spies chants include "Houston... We are the Problem" and "Bang BANG".


Fan Art

Have more Spies fan art? Add it here and at Houston Spies/Fan Art!