Alston Cerveza

Alston Cerveza
Art by @raevpet
Basic Information
Team	Canada Moist Talkers
Former Team(s)	Philly Pies
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Planning an escape
Coffee Style	Americano
Blood Type	AAA
Fate	13
Soulscream	AAEHHAAEHHAIAAXEIAAXEIHEAAOHEAAOHIEAIEIEAIEIUIAOEUIAOEUOOIOUOOIOUOOXAEHOXAEHOAUAEOAUAEOAIXAXUIXAXUI

Alston Cerveza is a lineup player for the Canada Moist Talkers. Cerveza has been with the team since Season 6, Day 82 after replacing Hobbs Cain due to Feedback. Cerveza was formerly a batter for the Philly Pies, starting on Season 6, Day 21 following the incineration of Forrest Bookbaby.

Official League Records

Cerveza currently has no official records in the league record books.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Biographical Information

Alston Cerveza is a hitter for the Philly Pies and heir to the Sir Veza Brewing Company. A true gentleman, Alston strikes a dapper figure on the Blaseball field with his luscious mustache, elegant top hat, and signature beer bottle cravat. He is always accompanied by his pet ferret Hops, who has his own matching miniature top hat and mustache. When this pair of rabblerousing men of leisure find themselves in a particularly tough spot they often stroke their mustaches in synch as they plan out their next move. Alston’s clothes are always impeccably tailored with nary a spot on them.

Rumor has it that Alston is set to be the star on the next season of the hit blaseball dating show The Blachelor.

Personal Life

Alston lost his parents at a young age when they perished in a mysterious fire at the Sir Veza Brewery. Rumor has it the fire was started by the Llynglyn brewing company, a criminal front operating out of Pennsylvania Welsh Country. The Llynglyn company wants to get their hands on the secret recipe for Sir Veza beer – a remarkable brew that is the key ingredient in enacting Enhanced Party Time. The only copy of the recipe is tattooed on Alston’s back.

Ever since the fire Alston and Hops have been on the run from the Llynglyn agents. Their days are full of near misses in Budapest hotels, fisticuffs on top of trains, and car chases through the streets of center city. Through a mix of skill, luck, and guile the ferrety gentleman and gentlemanly ferret have always managed to stay one step of their dastardly foes.

Recently the pair have taken to traveling through time on a coal-powered cogwork gyrocopter of Hop’s design. Who knows where their adventures will take them next?

During Season 6, the Llynglyn brewing companies' threats grew in desperation, and Alston grew concerned for his team. Alston offered to duel the CEO of Llynglyn for the rights to the Sir Veza Brewing fortune, but due to legal issues the duel was to be held in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, as Maritime Law is 90% about how duels are to be conducted. However, when the two gentlemen arrived in Halifax, Alston revealed his duel to be a ruse, as he explained that Sir Veza brewings’ Canadian subsidiary, Mole & Sons brewing, was completing a hostile takeover of Llynglyn brewing as they spoke. This buyout caused Mole & Sons to become larger than Sir Veza brewing, which under Canadian law made it the new parent company, forcing Alston Cerveza to stay in Canada to oversee the company. After the hostile takeover was complete a fraction of the surviving Welsh mob pursued Alston into Canada, where they setup shop as maple syrup pirates.

Joining the Moist Talkers

Cerveza has claimed that he acclimated quite quickly to being part of the Moist Talkers: “Sure they spit a lot but apparently here it's an act of endearment”. Cerveza had a short lived friendship with Elijah Bates where the two bonded over their shared appreciation of the arts. After Bates’ incineration Cerveza stated “I didn’t know Bates for very long, but he certainly was a gentleman with excellent taste in the finer things”. After a short ceremony Eizabeth Elliott bequeathed Cerveza her brother’s signature ascot and his signed copy of the Dlisney Vault Collection Hamilton DVD, which currently resides on Cerveza’s mantle.

Career

The Philly Pies were on the verge of bankruptcy after Forrest Bookbaby’s mismanagement of the team’s finances. At a team manager’s meeting to discuss ways to remedy the situation, Alston crashed through the window on his gyrocopter and tossed a briefcase full of money on the table. “Gentleman,” said Alston, dusting shards of glass off his cravat. “It seems like you have a new team sponsor.”

Since then Alston has joined the team as a hitter to fill out the roster. Despite being on the run from Welsh assassins he has never missed a game. Flans have started looking forward to seeing Alston’s last minute entrances onto the field; from parachuting out of ninja filled blimps, to riding in on space whales.

Gallery

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  art by @wholeLotofWeird

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