Alston England

From Blaseball Wiki

Alston England is a pitcher for the Chicago Firefighters, and has been with the team since Season 1.

Official League Records

England joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Chicago Firefighters with The Return of Blaseball.

During the Season 17 elections, England's star ratings were completely randomized as a result of the On Deck blessing, resulting in England becoming an Alternate, and a combined 10.5 -> 7.4 stat decrease.

On Season 21, Day 77, England joined the Firefighters' pitching rotation in exchange for Zi Sliders as a result of The Fire Safety Awareness Center's Fax Machine.

On Season 22, Day 2, England retreated to the Firefighters' Shadows in exchange for Zi Sliders as a result of The Fire Safety Awareness Center's Fax Machine. On Day 12, England rejoined the Firefighters' pitching rotation in exchange for Sliders via the Fax Machine. On Day 33, England again retreated to Shadows in exchange for Sliders as a result of the Fax Machine. On Day 35, England rejoined the Firefighters' pitching rotation in exchange for Conrad Twelve via the Fax Machine.

Over the course of Season 23, England entered and exited the Firefighters' Shadows two times as a result of The Fire Safety Awareness Center Fax Machine events, ending the Season on the pitching rotation.

Over the course of Season 24, England entered and exited the Firefighters' Shadows four times as a result of The Fire Safety Awareness Center Fax Machine events, ending the Season on the pitching rotation.



COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Personal Life

Born to an Arab, Lebanese father and white, French mother in Dubai, Alston England was always drawn to the finer things in life.

When asked about his family life in a Rleddit AMA, England said, “I have quite a large family but we’ve all always been close. I’m especially close with my cousins.” England’s relatives can often be seen in the stands during games they pitch, cheering for and smack-talking them in equal measure.

England’s Tliktok profile lists their interests as, “splorts, rlacing, expensive drinks, and even more expensive clothes.” He is reportedly the number one buyer of counterfeit designer garments in the Chicago area.

Blaseball Career and Team Relationships

England has most often been spotted with fellow former Firefighters’ shadow, Zi Sliders, with whom England was faxed for. According to England, they were college roommates, and have remained close friends ever since. England and Sliders have switched out for each other so often that they’ve fondly become known by Firefighters’ fans as “the tag-team”.

Upon exiting the shadows, England immediately pitched a shutout against the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, and then promptly partied twice before the end of Season 21. When asked about it, they responded with “I don’t know, it’s just nice to be out of the shadows, you know? Trying to do what I can to stay out.” England then proceeded to fax into the shadows on Day 2 of Season 22.

Some sort of friendly rivalry appeared to develop between England and new fellow Firefighter’s pitcher Mcdowell Mason over the course of Season 23, as they fought for the informal title of best pitcher. When the season ended with England having pitched a startling four shutouts and Mason leading the teams win/loss record by one game, they brokered a truce. Said truce was announced on England’s Tliktok account, leading to several confused comments by Firefighters’ fans, who weren’t aware there was a rivalry occurring in the first place.

England and the other former Firefighters’ shadows members remain in contact, as friend Conrad Twelve mentioned in an interview with The Chicago Yellow Journalism Company: “Yeah, we have a Whlatsapp group Alston made! It’s a nice way to keep in touch, they’re a good friend.” England has also often been seen in the hottest nightclubs in Chicago with former teammate Isaac Johnson, sipping cocktails and whispering about what can only be presumed to be other people. When asked to comment, both of them said it was “None of your business” and “Is it illegal? No? Then move along.”

Trivia

  • England and Zi Sliders regularly have brunch at Hungry James’ Greasy Spoon and Other Utensils, a diner on Lowest Wacker Drive in Chicago.
  • England is a lifelong fan of the Flormula 0 team Ferrlari, and owns a large collection of very convincing knockoff Ferrlari apparel. When asked why he chose to be a fan of the famously disappointing Ferrlari outfit, England said he “joined before he knew what was up, and now it’s too late to back out.” They also can be frequently watching races with fellow teammate Geepa Beanpot.
  • In April of 202X, England was involved in an incident along with fellow teammate Rush Valenzuela involving two fire trucks, 1000 gallons of metallic gold paint, and a two-story tall print of Francisco Goya’s Saturn Devouring His Son that caused $1 million in damages to a Giordalno’s Pizzeria in the Hyde Park neighborhood, purportedly as part of an experimental 3D art performance by Valenzuela. England’s video of the incident remains his most popular post to Tliktok to date, with over 2 million views.


Fanfiction

For more fanfiction, go to Alston England's AO3 tag.

Fanart