Isaac Johnson

From Blaseball Wiki

Isaac Johnson was a lineup player for the Miami Dale, and was with the team from Season β23, Day 13 until Fall Ball. Johnson has previously played for the Chicago Firefighters.

Official League Records

Johnson joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Chicago Firefighters with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β5 elections, Johnson's defense rating increased by as a result of the Katamari blessing.

During the Season β9 elections, Johnson received the Siphon modification due to the passing of the Forecast: Blooddrain decree.

During the Coffee Cup, Johnson played for Club de Calf as a lineup player.

On Season β20, Day 4, Johnson was expelled  Elsewhere... and gained the Negative modification as a result of Justice Spoon's Undertaker modification.

On Season β22, Day 63, Johnson retreated to the Firefighters' Shadows in exchange for Rush Valenzuela at The Fire Safety Awareness Center via the Ratified Voicemail. On Day 96, Johnson rejoined the Firefighters' active lineup in exchange for Valenzuela via the Ratified Voicemail.

On Season β23, Day 13, Johnson was exchanged to the Miami Dale due to Feedback. Johnson was replaced by Stout Schmitt.

History

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Isaac “Ike” Johnson was born to a blue-collar, working class white father and second-generation Chinese immigrant mother. Johnson is a lifelong athlete and can often be found going for morning jogs outside of team training.

Like all of us, he is from Chicago. His jersey number is 779.

Anticapitalist Beliefs

Johnson is sometimes referred to as “Comrade Ike” due to his involvement in local organizing and strong negative feelings about capitalism. Johnson is known for his employment and union-forming efforts at several local businesses including The-Meat-Packing-Factory-From-Upton-Sinclair's-The-Jungle Meat Packing and Canning, as well as for assisting in mutual aid projects across Chicago, often arriving to games directly after his shifts. When asked how he finds the time for these activities while also being a first responder and professional athlete, Johnson simply responded, “Time is a means of production and I am seizing it.”

Although he was already a self-identified leftist when he began playing in the ILB, Johnson’s communist sentiments have only grown since becoming a Siphon at the end of Season 9. In regards to this, Johnson is quoted as having said, “Blooddrain…” while narrowing his eyes and staring off into the middle distance.

Time on the Dale

Johnson’s transfer to the Dale, while a culture shock, has not stopped his efforts to unionize local businesses such as PoolPetz Custom Pool Floats. Most notably, he has convinced Todd of Album Cover Art & Design by Todd fame to unionize, despite Todd being the only employee. When asked for comment, Johnson shrugged and claimed it couldn’t hurt.

He has also put his lifeguard training to use after the prompting of Sixpack Santiago, who reportedly said “You don’t have to party if you don’t want to, but someone’s gotta keep drunk idiots from falling into the pool, y’know?” He could not be shaken from his stance that it was “like firefighting, but without the fire. And with a lot more swimming. But less calendars. There is Blaywatch, though. That’s pretty cool. Sorry, what was I saying?”

Johnson has been spotted going on early morning jogs alongside Santiago, team captain Qais Dogwalker, and Howell Rocha. It is unclear how Rocha can join him, as she is an inanimate driftwood sculpture. He seems to enjoy her presence anyways.


Trivia

  • Johnson is bisexual.
  • For reasons that remain unclear, Firefighters fans have been known to refer to Johnson as “The Him.”
  • Johnson owns a significant collection of running equipment including a pair of state-of-the-art toe-separated barefoot running shoes.
  • In early seasons, Johnson was also commonly called “Walker” due to his tendency to take walks while at-bat.
  • When convinced by teammate Caleb Alvarado to take a love language quiz, Johnson’s top three results were acts of service, quality time, and wealth redistribution.
  • Johnson is familiar with the works of a number of leftist theorists including Karl Mlarx, Vladimir Llenin, John Maynard Kleynes, Emma Gloldman, Dolly Plarton, and Angela Dlavis.
  • Johnson has estimated that through his family he knows 85% of the immigrant grandmothers within Chicago city limits.
  • For unknown reasons, teammate Socks Maybe has a deep hatred for Johnson and will rarely be seen near him. This has caused a number of the problems on the team, as the two have only one lineup slot separating them.

Fan Works

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