Seattle Garages

This page is about the Blaseball team; for the band comprised of members of the Blaseball team, see The Garages.

Seattle Garages
Division	Chaotic Evil
Ballpark	The Big Garage
Home Location	Seattle
Team Slogan	"Smells like Team Spirit."
Emoji	🎸
Friends	Baltimore Crabs, anyone who loves to rock sans Mike Townsend
Rivals	Miami Dalé, Hellmouth Sunbeams, Mike Townsend
Captain	Theodore Duende
Social media	Twitter

The Seattle Garages are a Blaseball team in the Chaotic Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1. They play their home games at Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility, also known as the Big Garage, which is located inside an aircraft hangar, a garage for planes.

The Garages are also a musical supergroup known by several names and comprised of members of the best bands in the Seattle blunge scene. Before each home game, they perform their self-penned team song "Smells Like Team Spirit" in lieu of "The Star-Spangled Banner", which according to team captain and frontman Theodore Duende "doesn't even slap". Pitcher Mike Townsend was kicked out of the group after what the other band members deemed "poor performance in both senses of the word", but remains on the Garages' roster due to legal complications.

The Garages play exclusively against teams that happen to be in the same city as their Eternal Tour, which lines up perfectly with their League-mandated schedule.

The bats used by the Garages are modified to have the appearance of electric guitars, though whether these bats can actually play any music other than harsh noise is debated by some Blaseball fans.

They are also an anarcho-syndicalist collective.

History

In Season 1, the Garages finished fifth in the Chaotic Evil division. Following the opening of The Forbidden Book, star pitcher Jaylen Hotdogfingers was the first player in league history to be incinerated.

Despite competing for a playoff spot for most of Season 2, the Garages finished with a 46-53 record, good for a tie for third place in their division. On Day 77, The Garage Opening occurred. The event has prompted some fans to use the phrase "the Garage Door is open to all fans", referencing both the event itself and "the liminal space between the excitement and disappointment that comes from being a fan of a Seattle splorts team".^{[citation needed]}

The Garages kicked off Season 3 with a 13-7 road victory against their heated rivals the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Despite the Sunbeams benefiting from a fourth strike, Mike Townsend earned the victory, much to the shock and amusement of fans. Captain Theodore Duende want 4-for-5, while Allison Abbott and Avila Guzman each contributed home runs.

Mascots

After failing to agree on a single mascot for the whole team due to alleged hotheadedness, the Garages have come to a "temporary" solution where each player has their own mascot who roots for them.

Mike Townsend's mascot is often ganged up on by the other 13 mascots, and has had to hire its own security detail.

List of player mascots

• Leif - The mascot of Mike Townsend which is a loaf of bread with googly eyes. He was not intended to be one of the Garages' mascots but the concept was repurposed from Townsend's Seattle Bread pitch which was struck down.
• Annie Amp - a Vox AC30 amplifier with googly eyes. Avila Guzman's mascot.
• Seamus the Box of Small Press Comics - a short box of limited run small press comics with googly eyes. Allison Abbott's mascot.
• Rolly Rower - an old rowing machine covered in dust, with googly eyes. Luis Acevedo's mascot.
• Terry Tires - a tire with googly eyes. Oliver Mueller's mascot.
• Wally Workbench - a workbench with googly eyes. Shaquille Torres' mascot.
• Fanny Flannel - a flannel jacket with googly eyes. Arturo Huerta's mascot.
• Freezy - a second freezer with googly eyes. Malik Destiny's mascott.
• Spencer the Semi-Sentient Superchunk Poster - a Superchunk tour poster with googly eyes (but not where you think)
• Unnamed Ancient Sarcophagus - an ancient sarcophagus with googly eyes. Tot Clark's mascot.
• Henry Hubcap - a hubcap with googly eyes.
• Carrie T - a non-functioning CRT TV with googly eyes.
• A.C. - an air conditioner with googly eyes.
• Drew the Drawer - a drawer full of skateboard parts with googly eyes. The drawer has googly eyes, not the parts.
• Henry Marshallow is the second Seattle Garages player to serve as his own mascot, gluing gient googly eyes to his pectorals

Mascots of incinerated players

• Arthur - an artificial Christmas tree with googly eyes. Bennett Browning's mascot.
• Tiana Cash was the first Seattle Garages player to serve as her own mascot, gluing googly eyes to her own face.

Fans

The Garages have a die-hard fanbase known as the Band. Many fans are known to camp out in the stands for weeks or even months on end, enjoying games and concerts 24/7. An anonymous superfan who claimed to have lived in seat D20 for the last 93 years was quoted as saying, "They may not win the most games, but they definitely rock the most".

Chants

• "PARK IT!"
• "LET'S ROCK!"
• "MONSTERA MASH!"
• "DUENDE!" (excitedly)
• "DERRICK!" (exasperatedly)
• "TOWNSEND!" (more exasperatedly)
• "Please, Blaseball Gods, give us a good pitcher!" (repeated until the words no longer have meaning)
• "PLUG THE BANDS!" (followed by everyone shouting out names of local independent bands)
• "THUMBS UP!"
• "TOWNSEND!" (slightly less exasperatedly)
• "GWIFF DON'T WHIFF!" (a chant for batter Greer Gwiffin)
• "NAIL BAT" (a commonly used chant for batter Allison Abbott)
• "SHAQ ATTAQ" (a commonly used chant for batter Shaquille Torres)
• "LANG GANG" (a commonly used chant for batter Lang Richardson)
• "KING TOT" (a commonly used chant for pitcher Tot Clark)
• "PARK IT" (a chant meant to encourage the current pitcher to strike out opposing batters)

Creative output

Music

The group's early output was animal-themed. A representative song of this era is "About a Squirrel", which is about a squirrel.

Following Jaylen Hotdogfingers' incineration, the Garages recorded "Heart-Shaped Hotdog".

The group recorded "Black Hole Sunbeam" to commemorate the absolute thrashing the Garages gave the Hellmouth Sunbeams on Season 2 Day 54.

On 4 August 2020, the group released "Mike Townsend (Is a Disappointment)".

Zine

THE SUN IS OUR ENEMY is the official zine of the Garages, edited by Allison Abbott and featuring contributions by various members of the organization.

Controversies

Following the opening of The Forbidden Book at the end of Season 1, some^[Who?] began speculating that the entire Garages team does not actually exist. Proponents of this theory claim that the Garages players and their fanbase are "delusional, hallucinating, enthralled by the restless spirits of Seattle, or perpetuating a hoax designed to attack the heart of the game of Blaseball itself". The most prominent supporters of this conspiracy have been the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Some fans and players speculate that Jaylen Hotdogfingers was actually murdered by the Sun rather than incinerated by a rogue Umpire, or that she is not actually dead.

Players

Batters

• Malik Destiny
• Theodore Duende
• Avila Guzman
• Luis Acevedo
• Cedric Spliff
• Lang Richardson
• Oliver Mueller
• Allison Abbott
• Greer Gwiffin

Pitchers

• Mike Townsend (for legal reasons)
• Tot Clark
• Arturo Huerta
• Ron Monstera
• Henry Marshallow

Incinerated

• Jaylen Hotdogfingers
• Bennett Browning
• Tiana Cash
• Shaquille Torres
• Derrick Krueger

Season Results

Season	Record	Win %	Place in LC Division	Season Notes
1	43-54	.434	5th	The Forbidden Book was opened after this season, resulting in the incineration of Jaylen Hotdogfingers
2	46-53	.464	4th

Retired Logos

Main Logo	Alternate Logo	Description
		Not the oldest logos of the Seattle Garages, but close. The half circles are holdover from a previous logo inwhich the text itself formed the body of a tow truck with a crane on the right.
		Logos from a transitional period for the Seattle Garages where, as a team, they began to start branching into the plunk and blunge rock scenes.

Fan Art

Tiana Cash, Ron Monstera, and Mike Townsend of the Seattle Garages by @MLeeLunsford	Garages Home Jersey by @jessegamble	The official bat of the Seattle Garages by @jessegamble	Cover art for "About a Squirrel".
Logo by Cobaltcakes.	Allison Abbott with the NAIL BAT by @MLeeLunsford	Allison Abbott at the Plate by @MLeeLunsford	Allison Abbott blaseball card by @MLeeLunsford
Tot Clark blaseball card by @CDuckies.	Allison Abbott alternate blase ball card by cc bunny	An image of Henry Marshallow by Solonface	Tiana Cash blaseball card by Candyspider
Tot "King Tot" Clark's Bass Guitar by @CDuckies	Luis Acevedo blaseball card by @CDuckies	Henry Marshallow blaseball card by Moz