Ruslan Greatness

Ruslan Greatness
Art by Slamdance Cosmopolis
Basic Information
Team	Philly Pies
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Channeling chi
Coffee Style	Milk Substitute
Blood Type	O No
Fate	32
Soulscream	IEEXOIEEXOIAEAIAAEAIAA
Biographical Details
Pronouns	he/him
Language(s)	Moldovan-accented English
Other Background Information
Favorite Pie	Cabbage Pie

Ruslan Greatness is a pitcher for the Philly Pies, and has been with the team since the start of Internet League Blaseball.

Official League Record

During the Season 5 election, Greatness' batting, baserunning, and defense fell half a star as a part of the Charleston Shoe Thieves' Bad Neighbors blessing.

During the Pies' Season 7, Day 91 game against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Greatness received a ½-star boost to pitching, baserunning, and defense, and a -star boost to batting.

History

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Born Ruslan Fairfield, Ruslan Greatness was ironically given the name "Greatness" by his high school blaseball teammates on account of his poor play. A Pies scout, running behind and suffering from severe anxiety, failed to grasp the irony and signed Greatness on the spot.

Ruslan's pitching weakness comes from his massively overdeveloped body. A towering 7 feet of strongman muscle, Ruslan would otherwise be well-suited to being a formidable batter, but his bulging muscles impede his pitching. Ruslan's teammates beg him to change positions, but he considers batting crass and uncouth. "No bat," says Ruslan. "Only throw." Outside the game, Ruslan can be found weightlifting and participating in strongman and powerlifting competitions.

Despite sandbagging the Pies early in his career, they were unable to get rid of him due to a poorly written contract. He has since proven himself by winning numerous clutch games, although it is unclear whether he is actually playing well or if the rest of the team is just stepping up to compensate for his lack of skill.

Ruslan's nigh-impenetrable but unidentified Eastern European accent befuddles his fans. When asked, he claims to be from Conshohoken. Ruslan lives with former Pies relief fielder Morrow Wilson in Powelton Village and sleeps on their couch. This is despite the fact that Wilson never invited Ruslan to stay with them and has in fact tried to kick him out many times. The shenanigans these two roommates get up to are the basis for the hit sitcom My Roomie Ruslan.

Medical Record

Ruslan Suffers from a little understood and incredibly rare ocular condition known colloquially as "Blaseball blindness". Said to affect 1 in .....???? players, Ruslan's case is the only current known example in the ILB. The condition renders Ruslan completely incapable of discerning any object as anything other than a blaseball." When asked to comment on his affliction Greatness tearfully replied "NO DISTINGUISH, ONLY THROW" and proceeded to continue practice by throwing a live chicken across the mound.

Gallery

File:Ruslan.png

Art by @Robonorm