LA Unlimited Tacos

The Unlimited Tacos (formerly of Los Angeles) are a Blaseball team in the Lawful Good division of the Good League. They have been a part of the Blaseball League since Season 1. They are managed by Albert "Al" Pastor until the time of Pastor's death, and furthermore following Pastor's return from death.

The Unlimited Tacos were formed from the "only 14 people to sign up for a community Kickball league signup sheet" on the corkboard of a Ralphio's Grocer in Van Nuys, California. Upon showing up for the first game, they were outfitted with Blaseball gear by their owner, eccentric former-professional surfer, Guy Myrington, and have been professional Blaseball players ever since.

History

The Tacos were formerly owned by the Dilsney Cooperative as part of their deal to buy Guy Myrington's life rights in order to produce the biopic, I Married My Surfboard. Upon achieving ownership, Dilsney renamed the franchise The Van Nuys Tacos of Anaheim, despite the stadium being a one- to three-hour drive away from Dilsney's fortified stronghold in Orange County, California.

Dilsney was "excellent" at marketing the team, said splorts analysts, but the team "suffered in league rankings" during their tenure. After an unremarkable season and the feature film I Married My Surfboard failing to gross a meaningful portion its $400 million budget, Dilsney and the Tacos formally parted ways, with Myrington regaining his role as principal owner. Myrington officially returned the team's name to the original Los Angeles Tacos.

Name Change

See main section on Season 3 Aftermath.

As a result of the Season 3 election, Spacetime opened over Los Angeles and every known reference to the team listed its location as Unlimited.

Home Stadium

The Unlimited Tacos' home stadium is the Al Pastor Memorial Park, located in the middle of the infamous six-way stop sign intersection in Bleverly Hills. Despite the stadium's construction in ███, the roadway has continued to function as an active intersection to this day. Games scheduled during rush hour traffic are known to be especially hazardous, though interference from distracted drivers is not considered foul play.

It is rumored that the area under the stadium is filled with ground beef and Pico de gallo. It goes for miles and miles underneath the surface of the earth, and is mined for all of the world's taco production.

The signature snack of Al Pastor Memorial Park is the Hotdaco, a hot dog served in a hard taco shell. It is one of the many^[source?] options available at the Tacos' Build-Your-Own-Taco Bar, which is an oft-advertised perk for season pass holders. Taco ingredients at the BYOTB include but are not limited to: cotton candy, vienna sausages, fermented bean paste, and, on Italian night, spaghetti.

Notable Cheers

The following cheers and chants have been observed by Tacos fans, and are a small representative of an ever-growing list of merriment.

72 and Infinite — (formerly Spicy) the team's official slogan. This includes other derivations of 72°, of terms for spiciness, and also of simply shouting the name of a favorite source of capsaicin in one's life.
22.2 repeating — the temperature conversion to Celsius for fans in non-US countries.
Live Más — a reference to a now-defunct, turn-of-the-century taco-based dining establishment.
Taco Tuesday — a date invoked even on days that are not Tuesday. Sometimes, "Taco Tuesday came early this year," an exclamation that ignores the guaranteed frequency of Tuesdays.
We eatin' tonight; Tonight we feast; and other emphatic turns of phrase referring to consumption of tacos.
Carne Asada, sung in the meter of the 1990s hit single, Macarena.
Liberal use of the taco emoji (🌮), sometimes accompanied by the chili emoji (🌶) to denote spicy plays.
Occasional use of the pineapple and crown emojis (🍍👑), a reference to franchise manager Al Pastor.

Rivalries

The Unlimited Tacos' historic rivals are the Chicago Firefighters due to the Tacos' close relationship to heat and spice; an "association [that] sits too closely" to fire — the sworn enemy of all firefighters.

The relationship first heated up early in Season 2 when when the Tacos swept a series that the Firefighters were favored to win. Tacos pitcher Sexton Wheeler commented on the rivalry, saying, "Water can't calm the blaze on their tongues."

Season 3 saw a 3-1 series victory against the Firefighters, which included highlights such as a 14-inning narrow victory in the 2nd match, and the shaming of the Chicago Firefighters in the 4th match.

The rivalry may or may not have cooled off when Tacos brand manager Myra Myrington exchanged good-natured banter^[1] with the Firefighters over social media. When asked about the rivalry, Myrington said, "they r sonice tho cant we just be frends??" [sic]. Despite this effort, the teams are not friends at the time of writing.

Season Results

Season 1

The Tacos finished last in the Lawful Good Division, with their final seasonal record lost to time. (Standings indicate a record of 34-63 by Day 98.) However, the Relegation decree was not declared this season, so despite placing last in the overall league, the Tacos faced no consequence of hellish removal from the league and/or immaterial plane.

Season 2

The Tacos fared better in The Discipline Era, finishing in 3rd place in the Lawful Good Division with a record of 45-54. They did not advance to the playoffs. Despite their standing among the weakest teams in the overall league on the metric of total star ratings, the Tacos consistently put up what splorts writers called "a pretty grood effort," and pulled off a handful of upset victories thanks to hitters Patel Beyonce and Rat Polk, and pitcher Natha Kath.

The Tacos failed to secure any blessings during the season's election results.

Season 3

As of the start of Season 3, the Tacos were the lowest rated team (in total stats) in the entire League. Early season games saw them over-perform despite their abysmal stats, but ultimately the Tacos finished 2nd-to-last in their division (and 2nd- and/or 3rd-to-last in the league overall) with a record of 38-62.^[2] They did not advance to the playoffs.

Regular Season

Despite being mathematically the worst team, the Tacos pulled off dozens of upset victories throughout the season, much to their fans' joy and the betting populace's ire. Standout players included pitchers Sexton Wheeler and Comfort Glover who held out against challenging hitters in pivotal games. Hitter Taiga Quitter also emerged as a new fan favorite for consistently showing up on the field despite being one of the worst star-rated hitters on the team.

The Tacos endured a variety of hardships throughout what was already a tough season. Pitcher Natha Kath was incinerated on Day 16 and replaced by Emmet Owens, resulting in no change in overall star rank for the team. A series of peanut tragedies followed, beginning with Wyatt Mason's allergic reaction on Day 50. Taiga Quitter and Wanda Pothos were also subject to allergies in the following games. Mason swallowed another peanut on Day 64 and is one of the only known players to have swallowed two peanuts. This made them one of the worst hitters in the league, surpassed only by the Chicago Firefighters' then 0-star hitter Joshua Butt.

The Tacos flagged in the late-season games and suffered defeat after defeat against the Lovers and the Steaks. However, the team pulled it around to win the last two games of the season as heavy underdogs, and game 99 saw heroic home runs from hitters Taiga Quitter, Moses Simmons, and Baldwin Breadwinner. Some fans called this a statement of intent for next season, and the team entered Party Time with optimism.

The Grand Unslam

See main article on The Grand Unslam.

The Tacos were part of Blaseball history this season as the home team during the events of The Grand Unslam. Their game on Day 74 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves surpassed the record for longest game (by minutes played) and caused a major disruption in Spacetime, the effects of which are still not fully known.

Election Results and Aftermath

The Tacos became the center of attention during the Season 3 election results. Immediately upon the Interviews decree passing successfully, Spacetime tore over Los Angeles and transformed it into the Infinite Cit(ies) as an apparent direct result of The Grand Unslam. The name of the team immediately changed from the Los Angeles Tacos to the Unlimited Tacos, and the slogan changed from "72° and Spicy" to "72° and Infinite."

For the first time in League history, the Tacos received blessings during this election. The team won the highly sought-after Anticapitalist blessing with 5% of the votes. This made the team "fully anticapitalist."

The Tacos also received the highly desirable Exploratory Surgeries blessing, winning with 11% of the vote. Rather than affecting three different pitchers as is possible, Wyatt Mason underwent extensive surgery and was rerolled three times due to them still being the worst after the first two attempts. Ultimately, Mason became an even worse pitcher due to the blessing, dropping from ½ star to 0 stars. However, dedicated Tacos fans quickly noted that Wyatt Mason was not and had never been a pitcher. It was at this moment that fans discovered the entire team had been renamed Wyatt Mason—the team's worst and twice-peanutted hitter—through an inexplicable event now known as The Wyatt Masoning.

Shortly after these events, Umpire Chaff revealed in statements directly to Tacos fans that they "tried to kill the Mason, and the Mason's power exceeded ours," shortly followed by, "I fear the Mason."^[3]

Players

Lineup

Pitchers

Former Players

Natha Kath, incinerated (Season 2)

Notable Staff

Guy Myrington, Principal Owner
Albert "Al" Pastor, Manager
Myra Myrington, Brand Manager

Fan Art

Logo by Cobaltcakes.

↑ Los Angeles Tacos [@tacoblaseball] (31 Jul 2020). "WHOEVER keeps teaching wyatt bad words PLES stop ther dad said if they cus again they get grounded from blaseball D:" (Tweet) - via Twitter.
↑ This variable rank is due to the fact that the Tacos tied in wins with the Hellmouth Sunbeams at 38, but have 62 losses to the Sunbeams' 61, due to the events of The Grand Unslam giving the Tacos one extra loss and 100 total games (compared to the league norm of 99 games).
↑ Umpire Chaff [ump_chaff] (9 Aug 2020). "WE TRIED TO KILL THE MASON, AND THE MASON'S POWER EXCEEDED OURS. THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY" "I FEAR THE MASON" - via #tacos, via Blaseball Discord.

[1] Los Angeles Tacos [@tacoblaseball] (31 Jul 2020). "WHOEVER keeps teaching wyatt bad words PLES stop ther dad said if they cus again they get grounded from blaseball D:" (Tweet) - via Twitter.

[2] This variable rank is due to the fact that the Tacos tied in wins with the Hellmouth Sunbeams at 38, but have 62 losses to the Sunbeams' 61, due to the events of The Grand Unslam giving the Tacos one extra loss and 100 total games (compared to the league norm of 99 games).

[3] Umpire Chaff [ump_chaff] (9 Aug 2020). "WE TRIED TO KILL THE MASON, AND THE MASON'S POWER EXCEEDED OURS. THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY" "I FEAR THE MASON" - via #tacos, via Blaseball Discord.

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