Goobie Ballson

Goobie Ballson
Basic Information
Team	Chicago Firefighters
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	cleaning the blood off
Fate	12
Soulscream	EHEIEEHEIEEXOEAIXOEAIXOUUEIOUUEIOIUUIHIUUIHIHAEOEHAEOEHUAXIIUAXIIU

Goobie Ballson is a lineup player/pitcher for the Chicago Firefighters and has been with the team since Season 8.

Official League Records

Ballson joined the league on Season 8, Day 36, as a lineup player for the Chicago Firefighters due to the incineration of José Haley.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Biography

Goobie is formless and many-fold being, and every view of Goobie is true and correct. They're a good friend, they're not entirely Newtonian and they're just happy to be here.

Goobie is happy that you’re here too. Everyone who sees him knows instinctively that Goobie was always their friend, and he appears to unobservant bystanders as a vaguely-familiar but friendly former acquaintance or colleague. Goobie also appears as a bear, or occasionally as a gooey humanoid. Goobie likes everyone, and everyone likes Goobie.

Appearance

Goobie Ballson is the most punk rock, ska punk, ready to go lookin dude you can imagine, and a fashion icon for the Firefighters as well as Chicago as a whole.

They are often found in jorts, board shorts, or cargo shorts, and they often wear unbuttoned floral shirts or blaseball jerseys. He also wears an iconic "Blall is Life" cap.

Identifiable across forms is Goobie's WAFC tattoo. It is also important to note Goobie's emotional and cosmic connection to Ska, which manifests in the majority of observed Goobies. If Ska was physical, it would be Goobie Ballson. He looks like the song "Stupid" by Just Friends sounds.

An anonymous friend of the team, when asked to describe Goobie, referred to "his vibes" as "When you roll into a party that Goobie is at, he will greet you on sight. He gives you one of those huge hugs that make you feel like the most important person in the world. If he sees you in trouble or suffering, he'll make sure to edge out space for you and make sure your good. He will outdrink you but won't push you. The maximum party frat dude with none of the toxicity."

History

One rumored origin of Goobie involves an accident at Flermilab in 1987 involving an unstable particle and Crown Malort resulted in the destruction of a lab attendant's mortal vessel. The only thing that remained was pure unfiltered Firefighters energy. This energy is known as Goobie Ballson. Goobie is theorized to be able to reform his atoms into any shape he pleases, and this is the prevailing explanation for his lack of attachment to a permanent body.

Other witnesses say that Goobie went to University of Chicago and got a degree in communications before becoming a blaseball player. They watched the games every day, and when José Haley was incinerated, they immediately ran down to join the game.

Goobie initially arrived at The Fire House with a 99 rack of PBR and a tattoo gun, removed from his body in a way not yet fully understood. After it was made clear that he would refuse any kind of payment, Goobie became a welcome party guest and valued teammate. During the Firefighters' occasional parties, Goobie is always the last to bed and cleans up the bottles and cans left out. When he showed up at the locker room for the first time, he brought in a tattoo gun and had everyone on the team give him a unique tat. Before joining the Firefighters, he had a chest tattoo that reads "live young blall hard die fast."

During the matches of Blaseball, Goobie can be seen with various pieces of firefighting and Blaseball gear floating within his gelatinous mass. He always seems to have whatever he needs handy inside the goop, and can be relied to provide missing objects or relevant tools with minimal intrapersonal rummaging.

Trivia

• Goobie constitutes a one-man ska band.
• Tonguewitness accounts report that his slime tastes like blue raspberry.
• Goobie’s favorite food is Nacho Cheese.
• Like any Firefighter, Goobie's feelings towards fire are complex. He has a mild fascination with arson that has proved harmless (so far).
• Goobie Ballson knows a guy.

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