Baltimore Crabs
The Baltimore Crabs are a Blaseball team in the Lawful Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1. Their home stadium is the Crabitat, located on the carapace of a titanic crab of unknown origin known only as The Crabaclysm.
After the undesirable results of the Season 2 election, in which star pitcher PolkaDot Patterson was stolen by the Canada Moist Talkers and the Blaseball Gods ignored the fans' pleas for blessings, the Crabs fans and players have vowed to "turn [their] resentment for the indifferent Blaseball Gods, as well as [their] bitterness and spite, into fuel for the Great Crab Reckoning."
It is as yet unknown what the Great Crab Reckoning entails, but it is theorized to involve carcinization: the belief that given enough time and evolution, all teams in the league will evolve into identical copies of the Crabs.
Roster
Lineup
- Pedro Davids
- Valentine Games
- Parker Parra
- Kennedy Loser
- Combs Duende
- Sutton Dreamy
- Forrest Best
- Joshua Watson
- Nagomi Mcdaniel
Pitchers
Former Players
Incinerated
Transferred
- Winnie Hess (To the Kansas City Breath Mints, end of Season 1)
- PolkaDot Patterson (To the Canada Moist Talkers, end of Season 2)
- Holden Stanton (To the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, end of Season 3)
Season Results
| Season | Wins | Losses | Notable Events |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | TBC | TBC | |
| 2 - 'The Discipline Era' | 49 | 50 | First team to reach a 20-inning game, versus the Jazz Hands. |
| 3 - 'Peanut Plague/Uncertainty' | 44 | 55 | Lost PolkaDot Patterson. Spent most of the season in 4th or 5th in the Lawful Evil division but finished in a respectable 3rd. |
COMMUNITY REPORTSThe remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Allegiances
- The Seattle Garages, for their shared love of deicide. The Crabs have no other allegiances, as they have declared war on the laws of god and man.
Former Allegiances
- Dallas Steaks, aka the Surf N Turf
Other Information
Theme Songs
The Mountain Goats - Heretic Pride
Fans
The Crabs have a reputation as a hardy bunch. Crabs fans are often seen cheering for draws into extra time. Some suggest they believe this will accelerate the Great Crab Reckoning, others have suggested they merely appreciate a few extra innings. New fans of the Crabs are sometimes referred to as "crablet" or "softshell". Crabs fans refer to players of their team who don't pan out as "Bustaceans". The Crabs fans, though tough and "snip-throat" in competition, are among the most supportive and inclusive teams in the league.
Common Chants
- Claws up!
- Claws up for Trans Rights!
- Let's go Crabs baby love da Crabs
- Hard Times, Hard Shells
- Call: Old! Response: Bay!
- "Ain't no laws when you have claws" and its popular variant, "Claw's the law"
- ACRAB (All Crabs Really Are Beautiful)
- Holden Please! (Showing contempt for Holden Stanton). Despite being recently acquired by the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, Crabs have still been heard to shout this as a broader sign of discontentment during a game.
- Best is Best! (Showing support for Forrest Best)
- Call: Ollie Ollie Ollie! Response: Snip snip snip! (showing support for Oliver Notarobot)
- We are not from Chicago!
- Call: Never Look Back! Response: We Do Not Have Necks!
- Incinerate! Carcinizate! (when incineration occurs)
Poet Laureate
The Crabs are to date the only Blaseball team with a poet Laureate, Runolfio Peeper. Peeper is most famous for his tribute to incinerated player Nora Perez.
Mascot
The Crabs' mascot (crabscot) is a crab named Crab Scott. They wield a knife in one claw and a cigarette in the other. They do not fear death, and harbor endless rage and vengeance against the blaseball Gods. They were originally a pet of PolkaDot Patterson, who in answer to how they came to acquire Scott as a pet simply said “They just kinda showed up one day.” Since Patterson’s defection at the end of Season 2, Crab Scott has since become the pet of replacement pitcher Oliver Notarobot.
Fan Art
Badge by @heycatfish_
