Goobie Ballson

Goobie Ballson
Basic Information
Team	Chicago Firefighters
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Fate	12
Soulscream	EHEIEEHEIEEXOEAIXOEAIXOUUEIOUUEIOIUUIHIUUIHIHAEOEHAEOEHUAXIIUAXIIU

Goobie Ballson is a lineup player/pitcher for the Chicago Firefighters and has been with the team since Season 8.

Official League Records

Ballson joined the league on Season 8, Day 36, as a lineup player for the Chicago Firefighters due to the incineration of José Haley.

General

Goobie is amporphous, gelatinous, not-entirely-Newtonian, and happy to be here. They are also a sentient bear, and thirdly so just a regular party dude. Every view of Goobie is true and correct.

Goobie is happy that you’re here too. Everyone who sees him knows instinctively that Goobie was always their friend, and he appears to bystanders as a vaguely-familiar but friendly former acquaintance or colleague. Though a non-Newtonian person may be unsettling at first, Goobie possesses a uniquely soothing presence, and his gooey state does not interfere with his social life. Goobie likes everyone, and everyone likes Goobie.

The

It is important to note Goobie's emotional and cosmic connection to Ska. If Ska was physical, it would be Goobie Ballson. Goobie can toss back a 40 or a tall boy of PBR with the best of the,. Goobie skates Mother boards and has WAFC deck with teal wheels and blue trucks. Goobie does know a dealer and will buy you the good stuff.

History

An accident at Flermilab in 1987 involving an unstable particle and Crown Malort resulted in the destruction of a lab attendant's mortal vessel. The only thing that remained was pure unfiltered Firefighters energy. This energy is known as Goobie Ballson. Goobie is theorized to be able to reform his atoms into any shape he pleases, and this is the prevailing explanation for his lack of attachment to a permanent body.

Others say that Goobie went to University of Chicago and got a degree in communications before becoming a blaseball player.

Goobie initially arrived at The Fire House with a 99 rack of PBR, removed from his body in a way not yet fully understood. After it was made clear that he would refuse any kind of payment, Goobie became a welcome party guest and valued teammate. During the Firefighters' occasional parties, Goobie is always the last to bed and cleans up the bottles and cans left out. However, despite his respect for cleanliness, Goobie's feelings towards fire are as mixed as any Chicago player. Though he is proud to fight fires, he is known to occasionally start them due to a habitual fascination with arson. He finds the act of smashing a Molotov Cocktail on the ground irresistible, and is rarely left unattended with more serious accelerants.

During the matches of Blaseball, Goobie can be seen with various pieces of firefighting and Blaseball gear floating within his gelatinous mass. He always seems to have whatever he needs handy inside the goop, and can be relied to provide missing objects or relevant tools with minimal intrapersonal rummaging.

---