Canada Moist Talkers

Canada Moist Talkers
Logo designed by Q Peiffer. Twitter: @longhairQ
Division	Chaotic Evil
Ballpark	Gleek Arena
Home Location	Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
Team Slogan	"Spray it, don't say it."
Emoji	🗣
Mascot	The Moist Owlette
Social media	[[1]]

The Canada Moist Talkers are a Blaseball team in the Chaotic Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of the IBL since Season 1. Their home stadium is Gleek Arena—affectionately known by fans as either the Moist Zone or Spittle Park—in the sunken city of Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. The mouth in the Moist Talkers logo is modeled after Tom DeLonge, noted musician, Canadian, and UFO Researcher.

The way that the Moist talkers enter Gleek Arena is as convoluted as the methods by which the team produces the 4 gallons of spit that they are required to produce daily to be part of the team. The first obstacle is the engineering marvel that is Moat Gleek, a moat that is fed off a series of sluices that transport the spittle that lands on the floor of the stands. The moat was constructed in the shape of the ducts of the salivary gland. During a good game it is not uncommon for the moat to overflow and create small tidal waves. The moat is such a good model of the salivary gland that since its erection cases of mouth cancer have gone down 69%. Next is the showers, nothing more needs to be said about those. Lastly is the traditional slip and slide, a 300 foot monument to the purity of Blaseball, and the love of the game. It is filled with plenty of protein to make sure that it foams just like the mouths of our dear Moist Talkers.

One of the characteristic pitches of the Moist Talkers is the spitball. The characteristic batting methods are the wet noodle, or the soggy Macdonald.

Players

Batters

• Kennedy Alstott
• Tyler Violet
• Elijah Bates
• Simon Haley
• Joe Voorhees
• Jesús Koch
• Eugenia Garbage
• Richmond Harrison
• Hobbs Cain

Pitchers

• PolkaDot Patterson
• Greer Lott
• Jenkins Good
• Ortiz Morse
• Mooney Doctor

Former Players

Incinerated

• Trevino Merritt

Transferred

• Oliver Notarobot - Transferred to the Baltimore Crabs due to the Moist Talkers winning the Defection blessing at the end of season 2.

Season Results

• In season one of the IBL, the Moist Talkers finished third in the Chaotic Evil Division, missing the playoffs by only two games.

• In season two of the IBL, the Moist Talkers were swept in the first round of the playoffs by the Philly Pies.

Mascots

• Season 1 - The Maw
• Season 2 - [[Belligerent Phlegm Receptacle
• Season 3 - The Moist Owlette

Fan Art

Logo by Cobaltcakes.

Trivia

• Outside of Canada, this team is widely known by their nickname "The Towelettes."

Notable Events

• In the 57th game of Season 2 in a game against the Hellmouth Sunbeams, the Moist Talkers found themselves down 3-0 in the bottom of the 7th inning. Their collective backs against the wall, they hunkered down and scored one run each in the seventh, eighth, and ninth inning to send the game into extra innings. The run scored in the ninth inning was due to the team's loose cannon, Trevino Merritt, stealing home with two outs while the team was down 3-2. The Moist Talkers went on to win the game in thirteen innings, by a score of 5-3.
• In the 96th game of Season 2 in a game against the Seattle Garages, the Moist Talkers hit two grand slams in the bottom of the third inning, off of the bats of Hobbs Cain and Richmond Harrison respectively. The team put up 13 runs in the inning, which is an Internet Blaseball League record. They would go on to win the game by a score of 18-3, and clinch a spot in the IBL Playoffs.