Wanda Schenn/IF-57.614
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Wanda Schenn is a player with planetoid physiology who uses they/them pronouns.
Like all of us, they are from Chicago. Their jersey number is 513.
Appearance
Schenn’s form has been described in a variety of ways. Whether this is due to them appearing to each person differently or them being able to consciously shift their form is unknown. Reports have emerged of a human-sized planet, a planet shaped like a human, and a planet-sized planet. When asked to describe themselves, Schenn responded with incomprehensible growls and rumbling noises best measured using the Richter scale.
Many have wondered how versions of Schenn too large to fit in the stadium play blaseball. The answer to that also varies from description to description: maybe they manipulate gravity to their advantage to hit or throw the ball (“You count as on base if the base is on you,” Son Jensen was quoted as explaining); or maybe It Just Works. Schenn has also been seen using an astronaut-shaped marionette (on very long strings) to play, as well as using the marionette to explore other places they are too large and too far away to visit.
Scientific Classification
Their mutable form and the appearance of being an entire planet has led to some curious investigation from Flermilab. Per a report published shortly after Schenn’s arrival in Chicago, Schenn is a class-M superterran planet, having a mass approximately equivalent to 5.13 Earths. How this does not have any noticeable effect on other gravitational fields remains a mystery, especially since Schenn occasionally uses gravitational effects to play blaseball.
Scientists committed to the pedantic use of scientific terminology note that Schenn does not “technically qualify” as a planet as they do not orbit a star[1], seeing as Sun 2’s appearance is inconsistent at best. This would technically make Schenn a rogue planet, also known as an orphan planet, sunless planet, unbound planet, or wandering planet.[2] However, “everyone else says it’s close enough,” the principal investigator at Flermilab noted, “which means it’s good enough for me.”
It has been noted that Schenn’s surface supports some form of life, although all attempts to communicate with sentient life have failed. This may be related to the dense atmosphere characteristic of superterran planets, some other quirk of Schenn’s planetoid physiology, or a lack of truly sentient lifeforms. Studies of this phenomenon remain ongoing.
During Season β19, Schenn began demonstrating even stranger gravitational interactions, allowing them to flip teammates Negative like fellow Undertaker Justice Spoon, who was able to help them use this ability. They first demonstrated this ability with their friend Gita Sparrow. In Season β22, due to Schenn changing teams, both Schenn and Sparrow became Subtractors. It is unclear how either of these impact Schenn’s scientific classification. It is unclear how the gravitational physics of these abilities work. It is unclear how Schenn feels about them.
Transfer to Los Angeli
Although it is unclear exactly why Schenn came to Los Angeli after Season 22, their interest in the astrophysics work of Nicholas Vincent (who they appear to have a large collection of cosmology papers written by, and as far as anyone can tell, are always seeking out more) and in attempting to communicate with others there, despite predominantly only communicating in low, tectonic growls, might provide some hints. They adjusted relatively well to the city’s chaos and are now a common sight on its skyline.
The weirdness of Schenn’s gravitational field, and their common interest in science, drew the attention of gravitational physicist Felix Garbage, who helped show them around the city along with Yummy Elliott. Garbage and Elliott are also two of the players most reminded of Nicholas Vincent by Schenn’s space theming, although neither have been willing to elaborate on those thoughts to the press. Schenn was also previously somewhat familiar with Rivers Rosa, and had been introduced to Hendricks Richardson, who they help with research sometimes, by Gita Sparrow. Vito Kravitz is interested in all the ground Schenn has, a fact which Schenn is oblivious to.
Schenn ended Season 24 Elsewhere, diving in after Felix Garbage on Day 91. Schenn appears to appreciate the great unknown expanse of Elsewhere, exploring its depths with the possible help of their astronaut-shaped mannequin. Of the players trapped Elsewhere through the end of the world, Schenn was previously familiar with Garbage and with Roscoe Sundae, the latter of whom they had also been introduced to by Gita Sparrow, but mostly keeps to themselves. (Refresh to see another take on Schenn’s time Elsewhere.)
Known Moons and Satellites
Schenn has a number of satellites, including a number of rocky moons and man-made satellites. Flermilab has attempted to document them but has struggled to keep accurate and precise records, especially since they seem to appear and disappear at random.
The moon or satellite described here may not be the same every time.
Trivia
- Schenn’s magnetic field is a frequent hazard to nearby scientific instruments; as such, they are barred from unauthorized access to any Chicago-local colleges and universities.
- Schenn is a legal gray area as both planet and blaseball player, leading to several notable civil suits that had to be brought to intergalactic court. Son Jensen has represented them in court more than once due to his experience in time-space law. Jensen may be one of very few people able to speak planet, albeit definitely not fluently.
- Schenn is sponsored by a small family-owned deli in Little Italy.
- Schenn is terrible at playing the theremin. Several public incidents have been reported to the relevant authorities, though no formal changes have been made.
- Allegedly, Schenn can dream. McKinley Otten has been trying to meet Schenn in their dreams in order to talk to them and give them a chance to communicate with someone, but has had no success so far.
- During Season 13, Schenn pitched a game against Wyatt Pothos, who is noteworthy for having had the same first name as Schenn prior to the Wyatt Masoning. Many Tacos have thoughts on this name overlap, but Schenn appears ambivalent about it.
- Schenn has received their Firefighter certification, though exactly how is not known.
