Difference between revisions of "Seattle Garages"

Revision as of 06:37, 2 August 2020

This page is about the Blaseball team; for the band comprised of members of the Blaseball team, see The Garages.

The Seattle Garages are a Blaseball team in the Chaotic Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1^[1]. They are, in terms of pure star ratings, the worst team in the league, but are generally middling in terms of actual results. The Garages play in the Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility, also known as the Big Garage, which is located inside an aircraft hangar, a garage for planes.

The Garages are also a musical supergroup known by several names and comprised of members of the best bands in the Seattle blunge scene. Before each home game, they perform their self-penned team song "Smells Like Team Spirit" in lieu of "The Star-Spangled Banner", which according to team captain and frontman Theodore Duende "doesn't even slap". Pitcher Mike Townsend was kicked out of the group after what the other band members deemed "poor performance in both sense of the word", but remians on the Garages' roster due to legal complications.

The Garages play exclusively against teams that happen to be in the same city as their Eternal Tour, which happens to line up perfectly with their League-mandated game schedule.

The bats used by the Garages are modified to have the appearance of electric guitars, though whether they can actually play any music other than harsh noise is debated by some Blaseball fans.

They are also an anarcho-syndicalist collective.

History

In Season 1, the Garages finished fifth in the Chaotic Evil division. Following the opening of The Forbidden Book, star pitcher Jaylen Hotdogfingers was the first player in the league to ever be incinerated.

Despite competing for a playoff spot for most of Season 2, the Garages finished with a 46-53 record, good for a fourth-place finish in their division. On Day 77, The Garage Opening occurred. The event has prompted some fans to use the phrase "the Garage Door is open to all fans", referencing both the event itself and "the liminal space between the excitement and disappoint that comes from being a fan of a Seattle splorts team".^{[citation needed]}

Mascots

After failing to agree on a single mascot for the whole team due to alleged hotheadedness, the Garages have come to a "temporary" solution where each player has their own mascot who roots for them.

Mike Townsend's mascot is often ganged up on by the other 13 mascots, and has had to hire its own security detail.

List of player mascots

TBA

Fans

The Garages have a die-hard fanbase known as the Band. Many fans are known to camp out in the stands for weeks or even months on end, enjoying games and concerts 24/7. An anonymous superfan who claimed to have lived in seat D20 for the last 93 years was quoted as saying, "They may not win the most games, but they definitely rock the most".

Chants

"Park it!"
"Let's rock!"
"MONSTERA MASH!"
"DUENDE!" (excitedly)
"DERRICK!" (exasperatedly)
"TOWNSEND!" (more exasperatedly)
"Please, Blaseball Gods, give us a good pitcher!" (repeated until the words no longer have meaning)

Creative output

Music

The group's early output was animal-themed. A representative song of this era is "About a Squirrel", which is about a squirrel. Following Jaylen Hotdogfingers's incineration, the Garages recorded "Heart-Shaped Hotdog".

The group recorded "Black Hole Sunbeam" to commemorate the absolute thrashing the Garages gave the Hellmouth Sunbeams on Season 2 Day 54.

Zine

THE SUN IS OUR ENEMY is the official zine of the Garages, edited by Allison Abbott and featuring contributions by various members of the organization.

Controversies

Following the opening of The Forbidden Book at the end of Season 1, some^[Who?] began speculating that the entire Garages team does not actually exist. Proponents of this theory claim that the Garages players and their fanbase are "delusional, hallucinating, enthralled by the restless spirits of Seattle, or perpetuating a hoax designed to attack the heart of the game of Blaseball itself". The most prominent supporters of this conspiracy have been the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Some fans and players speculate that Jaylen Hotdogfingers was actually murdered by the Sun rather than incinerated by a rogue umpire, or that she is not actually dead.

Players

Batters

Pitchers

Incinerated

Jaylen Hotdogfingers

Season Results


Season	Record	Win %	Place in LC Division	Season Notes
1	43-54^[2]	.434	5th	The Forbidden Book was opened after this season, resulting in the incineration of Jaylen Hotdogfingers
2	46-53	.464	4th

*

Fan Art

The official bat of the Seattle Garages.	Cover art for "About a Squirrel".	Logo by Cobaltcakes.

↑ Facts/Lore Disambiguation Guide
↑ Season 1 is missing the results of Day 98 and 99's games. Blaseball has been lost.

[1] Facts/Lore Disambiguation Guide

[2] Season 1 is missing the results of Day 98 and 99's games. Blaseball has been lost.

[1]

[2]

@@ Line 55: / Line 55: @@
 Following the opening of [[The Forbidden Book]] at the end of [[Season 1]], some<sup>[Who?]</sup> began speculating that the entire Garages team does not actually exist. Proponents of this theory claim that the Garages players and their fanbase are "delusional, hallucinating, enthralled by the restless spirits of Seattle, or perpetuating a hoax designed to attack the heart of the game of [[Blaseball]] itself". The most prominent supporters of this conspiracy have been the [[Hellmouth Sunbeams]].
-Some fans and players speculate that Jaylen Hotdogfingers was actually murdered by [[The Sun|the Sun]] rather than incinerated by a rogue empire, or that she is not actually dead.
+Some fans and players speculate that Jaylen Hotdogfingers was actually murdered by [[The Sun|the Sun]] rather than incinerated by a rogue umpire, or that she is not actually dead.
 ==Players==