Difference between revisions of "Seattle Garages"

Revision as of 14:35, 1 August 2020

This page is about the Blaseball team; for the band comprised of members of the Blaseball team, see The Garages.

The Seattle Garages are a blunge supergroup, anarcho-syndicalist collective, and Blaseball team in the Chaotic Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of the Internet League since Season 1. They are, in pure star ratings, the worst team in Blaseball, but are generally middling in terms of actual results.

The Garages play in the Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility, located inside of an aircraft hangar, a garage for planes. The Seattle Garages are also a supergroup known as The Garages, comprised of the best bands in the Seattle blunge scene. They recorded their own team song, "Smells Like Team Spirit", which they perform at the beginning of home games. This is in place of the national anthem, which "doesn't even slap" according to team captain and frontman Theodore "Teddy Blaseball" Duende. After poor performances (in both meanings of the word), Mike Townsend was kicked out of the Garages in a musical sense, but is still a member of the team in a Blaseball sense due to legal complications.

After Jaylen Hotdogfingers's incineration, the Garages recorded "Heart-Shaped Hotdog". Other songs by the Garages include "Black Hole Sunbeam", commemorating the absolute thrashing the Garages gave the Hellmouth Sunbeams on Season 2 Day 54, as well as "About a Squirrel", which is about a squirrel. (Early singles by the Garages were all animal themed for some reason, it wasn't until they got big that they realized they should make music about blaseball instead since they're also a blaseball team.)

The Garages only play against teams that happen to be in the same city as their Eternal Tour. By complete coincidence, the Eternal Tour dates happen to line up exactly with their league-mandated game schedule.

The bats used by the Garages are modified to have the appearance of electric guitars, though whether they can actually play any music other than harsh noise is often debated by Blaseball fans.

Mascots

Since the hot-headed members of the Garages could never decide on a single team mascot, they have come to a "temporary" solution that each player has their own mascot, who roots for the individual player. Naturally, Mike Townsend's mascot is often ganged up on by the other 13 mascots, and has had to hire its own security team.

Player Mascots

TBA

Fans

The Garages have a die-hard fanbase which is often referred to as the Band. Many fans are known to camp out in the stands for weeks or even months on end, enjoying games and concerts 24/7. An anonymous superfan who claimed to have lived in seat D20 for the last 93 years was quoted as saying, "they may not win the most games, but they definitely rock the most."

On Season 2 Day 77, The Garage Opening occurred. This has prompted some fans to use the phrase "the Garage Door is open to all fans". "Garage Door" here not only referencing the Garage Opening but also referring to the liminal space between the excitement and disappoint that comes from being a fan of a Seattle splorts team.

Chants

"MONSTERA MASH!"
(excited) "DUENDE!"
(exasperated) "DERRICK!"
(more exasperated) "TOWNSEND!"
"Please Blaseball Gods give us a good pitcher" until the words no longer have meaning

Official Zine

THE SUN IS OUR ENEMY is the official zine of the Seattle Garages, featuring contributions by various people on the team, and edited by Allison Abbott. Originally started as a single issue commemorative project by Allison Abbott, Arturo Huerta and Ron Monstera following the incineration of Jaylen Hotdogfingers, the zine became a way for the entire team to process their feelings about the sudden loss of a friend and team leader, through a variety of artistic mediums. Following the success of their first issue, the team decided to continue making the zine, as having a more individual creative outlet provided a boost to morale in the clubhouse.

Its name, always spelled in all-caps, draws its inspiration from multiple sources, according to an interview with Abbott. "Well, I mean, obviously, there's the fact that most of the clubhouse believes that Jaylen was killed by the Sun itself, but in there there's also the idea of owning the fact that we're the only team in the league named for an indoor location. It's also kind of a joke about the weather in the Pacific Northwest too. So, you know, it's got a multiplicity in there, that I think we as players were really drawn to."

The zine was briefly the subject of boycott in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada after Monstera wrote a positive review of Blaseball's Army, calling the book "an important reminder that Blaseball just isn't as good for players in other parts of the world."

Controversy

Following the opening of The Forbidden Book at the end of Season 1, some^[Who?] have begun to speculate that the entire Seattle Garages team does not, in fact, exist. Those who claim to have attended Garages games/concerts, or to be members of the team, have been dismissed as delusional, hallucinating, enthralled by the restless spirits of Seattle, or perpetuating a hoax designed to attack the heart of the game of Blaseball itself. The most prominent supporters of this conspiracy theory have historically been the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Players

Batters

Pitchers

Incinerated

Jaylen Hotdogfingers

Season Results


Season	Record	Win %	Place in LC Division	Season Notes
1*	43-54	.434	5th	The Forbidden Book was opened after this season, resulting in the incineration of Jaylen Hotdogfingers
2	46-53	.464	4th

*Season 1 is missing the results of Day 98 and 99's games. Blaseball has been lost.

Fan Art

The official bat of the Seattle Garages.	Cover art for "About a Squirrel".	Logo by Cobaltcakes.

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