Difference between revisions of "Kansas City Breath Mints"

Revision as of 19:36, 9 August 2020

The Kansas City Breath Mints are a Blaseball team in the Lawful Good division of the Good League. They have been a part of the Blaseball League since Season 1. Their home stadium is an open meadow on the outskirts of town.

Somewhat unusually, the Breath Mints do not have genuine pitchers on their roster. All of their pitchers are actually batters who decided to help out on the mound. The fans think that's just great.

History

Blessing in Disguise

Finishing in third in their division after a valiant effort in the first Blaseball season, the Breath Mints did not foresee how the first round of Blessings would alter their team forever.

Successfully winning the Max Out Pitcher Blessing, they saw one of their two beloved PolkaDots, PolkaDot Patterson, undergo a magical transformation from zero stars to five stars. The team and their fans were overjoyed. But this was not to last. The craven Baltimore Crabs won the Steal Best Pitcher Blessing, and promptly stole the now-superior PolkaDot, sending in exchange their own zero-star pitcher Winnie Hess.

Now free from the stinky air of the Crab's stadium, Winnie Hess filled their lungs with fresh, fresh air and exhaled, for the first time in over 100 days, fresh breath. The minty aroma of Kansas City revealed Winnie's true potential, transforming them from a zero to a 2.5 star pitcher - the locker-room leader the Mints needed to face season two with renewed vigor.

A Regular Old Guy... For Now

Following a second season where the Mints placed in the bottom four, fan-organized voting (anecdotally referred to as The Process) supported by a litany of statistical tools and psy-ops strategies begat outcomes that could hardly be better for our fresh players.

First, the Fourth Strike decree passed, granting an arcane rule-change to the hitters of the KCBMs that is sure to bring them straight into the postseason. Then, spirits from the Wind Realm visited the training camp, and, pleased with what they saw, and always striving to make every plane they visit fresher, bestowed their elemental powers unto the Mints - making their baserunning increase by a whopping 15%.

And finally, Axel Trololol, the Mints' very own regular old guy who loves cars and beers - and who hides a dark prehensile secret - suddenly came one step closer to his dream of himself becoming a car, by having his pitching arm replaced with a Literal Arm Cannon. Pressed for comment, Axel said "Actually my name's Alex".

Notable Games

Stealing From Thieves (Season 3, Day 57, Game 3) - After reaching a near-hopeless point differential of 10-3 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the rogue incineration of Thieve's pitcher Mattheo Prestige led to a 2-run home run by Boyfriend Monreal, kicking off a stirring rally from the Mints offense. After sitting at 15-15 at the bottom of the 8th inning, the Mints ended the game, and the day, with a Grand Shame. Final Score: 21-16 Mints.

Other Information

Theme Song

Fresh by Kool & The Gang

Fans

Fans of the Breath Mints - collectively known as the Minty Way - are known for their love of statistical analysis, fanfiction, tolerance, and of star Mints hitter Boyfriend Monreal.

Nicknames

Minties
Minty Fresh
Fresh Death

Chants

That's Our Boy-Friend! (clap-clap-clapclapclap)
MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH!

We Have Fresh Breath (clap-clap-clapclapclap)
Eizabeth Guerra takes no L’s! / [enemy team] can go to h*ll!
FRESH BREATH HERE WE COME / KANSAS CITY NUMBER ONE
Boyfriend, Boyfriend, they're our boyfriend! / If they can't do it, they're our boyfriend!
Winnie, you better win! EEEEEEEEEE
Vaughan is on! (Aggressive clattering of teeth)
ROD.NET! HE'S THE INTERNET!
Axel's a car! Not a man! Axel's a car! Not a man!
OUR BOYFRIENDS BACK! OUR BOYFRIENDS BACK!

Players

Batters

"Pitchers"

Former Players

Incinerated

N/A

Transferred

PolkaDot Patterson (To the Baltimore Crabs, end of Season 1)
Axel Trololol (To the Chicago Firefighters, end of Season 1)

Season Results

In Season 2, the Kansas City Breath Mints went 41-58. As a result of the end-of-season elections, the Mints gained The Fourth Strike, Wind Sprints, and "pitcher" Axel Trololol gained a Literal Arm Canon.

In Season 3, the Mints ended at 49-50.

Fan Art

Logo by Cobaltcakes.

Boyfriend Monreal fan art by @dancienrew
Boyfriend Monreal flashfic by kelpwater
Batter Up With the Breath Mints twine game by kelpwater

@@ Line 70: / Line 70: @@
 *[[Oscar Vaughan]]
 *[[Winnie Hess]]
-*[[Axel Trololol]]
+*[[Atlas Guerra]]
 *[[PolkaDot Zavala]]
@@ Line 81: / Line 81: @@
 *[[PolkaDot Patterson]] (To the [[Baltimore Crabs]], end of Season 1)
+*[[Axel Trololol]] (To the [[Chicago Firefighters]], end of Season 1)
 ==Season Results==