Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
The Hellmouth Sunbeams are a professional Blaseball team based in Hellmouth, Utah. The Sunbeams compete in Blaseball as part of the Lawful Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of the Blaseball League since Season 1, and also before.
The Sunbeams do not believe in the existence of the Seattle Garages.
The Sunbeam's position of favor and privilege with both The Sun and the forces of the Hellmouth itself have protected them from incineration for the first season of the Discipline Era , leading many fans to begin asking that protection be lifted from "maybe a few of our pitchers". Perhaps out of spite, four-star batter Rhys Trombone was incinerated by a rogue umpire early in Season 3. Loyalists claim this to be no incineration but an act of "divine alchemy" working on the very innards of the team.
Team History
Move to Hellmouth
Previous to the opening of The Forbidden Book, the Sunbeams were located in the Moab desert. However, once THE FORBIDDEN BOOK was opened; the desert, stadium, and team were all swallowed by the Hellmouth.
Of the move, star rookie Alaynabella Hollywood said: "Well, honestly it really isn't any hotter than the ol' Moab was. I mean, sure, a lot more things are on fire, but that's a nice bonus."
Rivalries
The Sunbeams do not currently officially recognize any non-rivals other than the Hades Tigers.
Roster
Batters
- Alaynabella Hollywood
- Randy Marijuana
- Malik Romayne
- Dudley Mueller
- Igneus Delacruz
- Emmett Internet
- Velasquez Meadows
- Nerd Pacheco
- Nagomi Nava
Pitchers
Bullpen
- Liam Petty
- Baby Sliders
- Newton Underbuck
- Tot Best
- Comfort Monreal
- Paula Reddick
- Francisca Burton
- Jayden Wright
Bench
- Chris Koch
- Avila Baker
- Scrap Weeks
Incinerated
Personnel
- Sol, Head coach
- Addie Tantalus, assistant coach
- [No known first name] Nakamura, assistant coach
- Determination Montgomery, batting coach
- Beef Randolph, nutritionist
- JEFF, "mascot"
Sponsors
Stadium
The Beams' stadium holds the record for the blaseball pitch with the most vertical distance between bases. This is due to both the stadium's 20° incline and its unique structural design as a result of the opening of the Hellmouth.
The stadium is separated into several sections separated by a Hellmouth sinkhole. In order of distance from the center of the Hellmouth these sections are:
- Sub-Ocean
- The Undercroft
- Third Base and Minor Outlying Bases
- The Dugouts
- Infield
- Stadium Seating and Refreshments
- Outfield
- Fourth Base
- The Announcer's Booth
- The Accounting Department
Traditions
Every time the Beams score a run, a child is allowed to hurl a pane of glass off the highest part of the stadium wall. This has led to numerous incidents of children trying to use psychic powers to manifest runs, which has been a great boost to the team's morale.
At the end of a winning home game, it is customary for the Sunbeams to dump the team's water cooler on the pitcher. The Hellmouth being what it is, this has resulted in 15 hospitalizations for steam burns this season.
Chants
- We are okay!
- Ȟ̷̦E̵̤̿R̴͔̀È̶͔ ̶̽ͅC̵̻͆Ó̷̖M̷̲͋Ě̶̺S̴̞̎ ̴͕͋Ț̴͛H̸̥̒E̴̡̓ ̵͎͛S̷̥̈́U̸͎͗N̴͈͊
- (:
- Beam me up, Scotty!
- Nerd Pa-Che-Co
- You can't beat the heat!
- HOLLY-WEED! [clap-clap, clap-clap-clap]
Season Results
In Season 1, the Sunbeams went 40-59, coming in at 4th place in the Lawful Evil division.
In Season 2, the Sunbeams went 37-62 in the season, choosing not to advance to the postseason out of a spirit of splotsmanship and magnanimity.
Fan Art
![](/images/thumb/f/f4/SunbeamsLogo_Cobaltcakes.png/304px-SunbeamsLogo_Cobaltcakes.png)