Difference between revisions of "Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams"

Revision as of 15:28, 4 August 2020

The Hellmouth Sunbeams are a professional Blaseball team based in Hellmouth, Utah. The Sunbeams compete in Blaseball as part of the Lawful Evil division of the Evil League. They have been a part of the Blaseball League since Season 1, and also before.

The Sunbeams do not believe in the existence of the Seattle Garages.

The Sunbeam's position of favor and privilege with both The Sun and the forces of the Hellmouth itself have protected them from incineration for the first season of the Discipline Era , leading many fans to begin asking that protection be lifted from "maybe a few of our pitchers". Perhaps out of spite, four-star batter Rhys Trombone was incinerated by a rogue umpire early in Season 3. Loyalists claim this to be no incineration but an act of "divine alchemy" working on the very innards of the team.

History

Move to Hellmouth

Prior to the opening of The Forbidden Book, the Sunbeams were located in the Moab Desert. However, once The Book was opened, the desert, stadium, and team were all swallowed by Hellmouth.

Regarding the move, star rookie Alaynabella Hollywood said: "Well, honestly it really isn't any hotter than the ol' Moab was. I mean, sure, a lot more things are on fire, but that's a nice bonus."

Rivalries

The Sunbeams do not currently officially recognize any non-rivals other than the Hades Tigers.

Players

Batters

Pitchers

Alumni

Rhys Trombone — Incinerated

Notable Staff

Sol, head coach
Addie Tantalus, asst. coach
[No known first name] Nakamura, asst. coach
Determination Montgomery, batting coach
Beef Randolph, nutritionist
JEFF, "mascot"

Stadium

The Sunbeams' stadium holds the record for the blaseball pitch with the most vertical distance between bases. This is due to both the stadium's 20° incline and its unique structural design as a result of the opening of the Hellmouth.

The stadium is separated into several sections separated by a Hellmouth sinkhole. In order of distance from the center of the Hellmouth these sections are:

Sub-Ocean
The Undercroft
Third Base and Minor Outlying Bases
The Dugouts
Infield
Stadium Seating and Refreshments
Outfield
Fourth Base
The Announcer's Booth
The Accounting Department

Traditions

Every time the Beams score a run, a child is allowed to hurl a pane of glass off the highest part of the stadium wall. This has led to numerous incidents of children trying to use psychic powers to manifest runs, which has been a great boost to the team's morale.

At the end of a winning home game, it is customary for the Sunbeams to dump the team's water cooler on the pitcher. The Hellmouth being what it is, this has resulted in 15 hospitalizations for steam burns this season.

Notable Chants

We are okay!
Ȟ̷̦E̵̤̿R̴͔̀È̶͔ ̶̽ͅC̵̻͆Ó̷̖M̷̲͋Ě̶̺S̴̞̎ ̴͕͋Ț̴͛H̸̥̒E̴̡̓ ̵͎͛S̷̥̈́U̸͎͗N̴͈͊
(:
Beam me up, Scotty!
Nerd Pa-Che-Co
You can't beat the heat!
HOLLY-WEED! [clap-clap, clap-clap-clap]
SAN-DY CROSS-ING [clap-clap, clap-clap-clap]
Call: FIVE SEVEN Response: SEVEN EIGHT (Upon victory and/or scoring)
Call: STARE INTO THE SUN Response: THE SUN STARES BACK
Call: What do we think of the Garages? Response: Who? (When playing the alleged Seattle team)

Season Results

In Season 1, the Sunbeams went 40-59, coming in at 4th place in the Lawful Evil division.

In Season 2, the Sunbeams went 37-62 in the season, choosing not to advance to the postseason out of a spirit of splortsmanship and magnanimity.

Fan Art

Logo by Cobaltcakes.

@@ Line 96: / Line 96: @@
 *You can't beat the heat!
 *HOLLY-WEED! [clap-clap, clap-clap-clap]
+*SAN-DY CROSS-ING  [clap-clap, clap-clap-clap]
 *Call: FIVE SEVEN Response: SEVEN EIGHT (Upon victory and/or scoring)
 *Call: STARE INTO THE SUN Response: THE SUN STARES BACK