Jessica Telephone

Jessica Telephone
Basic Information
Team	Hades Tigers
Status	Alive
Biographical Details
Pronouns	She/Her
Personal Relationships
Sexuality	Lesbian
Wives	11
Girlfriends	25
Other Background Information
Likes	Home Runs, Women
Dislikes	Fax Machines, Homestuck, Tillman Henderson

Jessica Telephone is a ringer for the Hades Tigers. She sprang fully formed from a payphone a few years ago, seconds before her brother Sebastian Telephone. Originally a part of the Dallas Steaks, after the First Season she was blessed by the Blaseball Gods after the Steaks voted to "Max Out Batter" and she was gifted the exquisite Legendary Bat, the Dial Tone. Pies then promptly stole her, leaving their batter August Mina. At the end of the Second Season, she was seduced to join the Tigers, trading her for catgirl batter Nolanestophia Patterson.

Jessica's emergence from the payphone is no accident. She exists as synchronous quantum waveform in the 80s decade of every century of human history - and possibly beyond. Each at-bat for Jessica Telephone, she emerges from her phone booth as a particular century's incarnation of the Eternal Jessica. This time it may be the classic 1980s Jessica, carefully teased and feathered hair tucked under her helmet. While in another inning, the plate is graced with 980s Jessica, fresh from the viking raids on the hapless Anglo-Saxons. Her next appearance may come in a spray of lasers and 4-D holograms as 2380s Jessica takes her turn at bat.

Visiting fans and flans have asked for her number in the past. None have been successful, but there is still hope. That phantom buzz in your pocket when you don't have your phone on you? That's a missed call from Jessica Telephone and you're lucky you didn't answer.

Jessica can be found on Twitter @jesstelephone where she regularly tweets about her game performance as well as her personal life as a time traveler.

She is double jointed but is very shy about it.

Career as a Tiger

Telephone's arrival to Hades began with a communication error, when general manager Fearful Symmetry demanded a phone for her office, and pitching coach Kick Rocks instead called upon an ancient pact to summon Jessica Telephone. According to legend, at that moment a blood-drenched payphone appeared before 480 BCE Spartan Jessica. saying "YOU ARE RECEIVING A COLLECT CALL FROM [a chorus of shrieking souls, thousands of angry teeth gnashing in unison, the cosmic blood of a broken moon.] DO YOU ACCEPT THE CHARGES?" She smiled slyly, revealing a mouth of razor-sharp teeth, before stepping into the phone booth and vanishing with a thunderous crack.

While in Hades, Jessica picked up the nickname "Jessica Persephone". Due to peculiarities of the Hadean local dialect, the nickname is pronounced [ˈpɚsəfoʊn], as an overcorrection for pronouncing her surname as [təˈlɛfəniː]. It's been noticed that the tangible forms of Eternal Jessica seem to be skewing somewhat older in history while she resides in Hades; ancient Greece and Rome have been especially common.

Rumored Relationships

While it is known that Telephone has a number of long term relationships with women and several marriages, she maintains a degree of privacy about her romantic life and the identity of these women is currently unknown. There are a number of individuals rumored to be past, present, or future paramours of Jessica Telephone, including:

• Eleanor of Aquitaine
• Julie d'Aubigny
• Alexandria Rosales
• Sappho of Lesbos
• Marie Curie
• Aphra Behn
• Hedy Lamarr
• Yazmin Mason

• Halle Berry

• The Moon
• Mooney Doctor
• Elizabeth I
• Betsy Trombone

• Hypatia of Alexandria

• Emily Dickinson
• Audre Lord
• Mary Oliver

• Tachibana Ginchiyo
• That Cute Girl With The Undercut Who Works At Best Buy
• Voltairine de Cleyre
• Stormé DeLarverie
• Nellie Bly
• Manya of Dardanus
• Kichiro Guerra
• Emma Goldman
• Mary Fields
• Kate Chopin
• Princess Andromeda
• Alaynabella Hollywood
• The Girl Reading This Article Right Now ;)

Fan Art

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Music

Jessica Telephone Walk Up Music (Season 2)