Stephens Lightner

From Blaseball Wiki

Stephens Lightner was a player in the Shadows for the Hades Tigers, and was with the team from Season β23, Day 44 until Fall Ball. Lightner has previously played for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands.

Official League Records

Lightner joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands with the Return of Blaseball.

Lightner hit a 3-run home run in Season β2, Day 78 in a game against the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

On Season β3, Day 46, Lightner swallowed a stray peanut and had an allergic reaction, resulting in a combined 10.17 5.67 stat decrease.

In Season β5, Day 106, during a 23 inning playoff game against the Canada Moist Talkers, Lightner had 9 plate appearances, all strikeouts. SIBR has deemed this accomplishment a "Triple Golden Sombrero", a.k.a. "the 9-gallon bloodhat".

On Season β13, Day 84, Lightner swallowed a stray peanut and had an allergic reaction, resulting in a combined 8.2 3.98 stat decrease.

During the Season β14 elections, Lightner retreated to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands' Shadows in exchange for Bauer Zimmerman as a result of the Jazz Hands' Foreshadow will.

On Season β23, Day 44, The Ampitheater Thieves' Guild stole Lightner from the Breckenridge Jazz Hands and gave them to the Hades Tigers.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

The Jazz Hands often refer to Lightner as Stephens "The Collective" Lightner. Not a single Stephen but rather an eclectic heap of Stephens, these multiple entities share not just a name but also the exact same location in space and time, even across dimensions. This is often understood by unidimensional observers as Lightner "flickering" between different individual Stephens. Incomprehensible to the mortal mind, this state of being has been described by Lightner as "nifty." The Lightner Project was established to investigate when and how this occurred. Preliminary results indicate the superposition took place prior to Lightner's career as a Race Carl driver.

After a decades long career as an undefeated Race Carl driver, Lightner left racing to pursue glory in the greatest game of all—Blaseball. Despite their age, Lightner quickly found a spot in the Jazz Hands' lineup, and have been a core part of the team for over █████ years.

Lightner is known for their unusual bat, which is made from the drive shaft of the Carl they drove to a legendary victory in the Daytona 42069. When asked why they were allowed to use such an unusual bat, The Commissioner did not provide any comment, because they were too busy Doing a Great Job.

When asked in an interview about how they navigate identity labels, Lightner replied, "I don't, don't try it either, next question."

Relationships

Many of the individual Stephens that make up Lightner's existence maintained relationships of varying sorts. After becoming Lightner, however, these relationships underwent various transformations, assuming they persisted; with effort, an individual Stephen can stabilize Lightner long enough to "pilot" a social interaction, but the effort involved is immense. As a result, Lightner expects any potential friend or partner to build a relationship of some sort with all of their constituent Stephens at once, as opposed to consistently interacting only with one Stephen.

Stephens, Colorado

After entering the Jazz Hands' Shadows, Lightner discovered that the instability of the Pit caused all of the different Stephens to spread out and no longer be restricted to the same physical location. This effect ceases when Lightner leaves the Pit. Free to explore the Pit in a large group, the different Stephens that compose Lightner founded a city named Stephens, Colorado within the Pit's expanse. Every citizen of Stephens, Colorado is a different Stephen from within the collective Lightner.


The Lightner Project

The Lightner Project has approximately identified some of the Stephens that make up Lightner across the dimensions. However, the instability of Lightner makes the below report highly unstable. This time, the Interdimensional Rumor Mill reveals a Stephen from IF-41.930 out of its Stephen Registry...

Stephens Irlwin

Stephens Irlwin was an Australian children's TV star primarily known for their work teaching kids about Australian wildlife, whose show ran for 1-7. They bat with an Animal Control Pole, though sometimes they will try to bat with the rope loop which leads to more strikes than would usually be thrown against them. When not playing Blaseball they run the Australian zloo and live with their husband, 4 kids, and 1 unusually large and scaly dog. Do not let Stephens Irlwin near Lowe Forbes as for unknown reasons Stephens Irlwin's life goal has been to capture a Forbes and they will peruse Lowe until they have evaded Irlwin. They have never tried to capture Brock Forbes, the reason is unknown but many have theorized it is because Irlwin doesn't know that Brock's last name is Forbes.

Fan Works