Bauer Zimmerman

From Blaseball Wiki

Bauer Zimmerman was a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands and was with the team from Season β1 until being incinerated on Season β18, Day 54.

Official League Records

Zimmerman joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β14 elections, Zimmerman joined the Breckenridge Jazz Hands' active roster in exchange for Stephens Lightner as a result of the Jazz Hands' Foreshadow will, becoming a lineup player in the process.

On Season β18, Day 54, Zimmerman was incinerated and replaced by Lancelot Kane.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Personal Life

Bauer Zimmerman is a black transmasc Jewish former cowboy who quit cowboying because they are deathly afraid of horses. Zimmerman is a frequent monologuer and will tell long and winding stories about baseball, cowboying, their failed romances or stories that they should be too young to tell. This has led to people theorizing that Bauer has led a longer life than normal, perhaps even being immortal. These monologues often result in Zimmerman sharing or oversharing their emotions and love life. Bauer speaks many languages including English, Spanish, German, Yiddish, Hebrew, and Ute.

Bauer Zimmerman's (memorial) Cowboy Rules

1) Be Rootin'

2) Be Tootin'

3) Horses are awful and should be avoided at all costs

4) If you can hit a ball you might as well hit it out of the park

5) Every time you love someone you give a piece of yourself away, and that hole never gets filled again, you spend the rest of your life trying desperately to fill all the holes in your heart that loving other people has left, but you just ended up accumulating more holes. Everything good about you is slowly leaking out of you and eventually all that's gonna be left is all the wounds and scars. All were doing is desperately trying to forget our happy memories of those we once loved, least we remember that those times our forever out of reach, a green light across the lake that we will twist and turn ourselves into trying to find again. But you can't, you can't ever go back. time is a one way street and we are just strung along, flailing desperately trying to find our footing while looking back longingly at what was. Life is a series of closing doors.

6) Be kind

Relationship to the rest of the team

Bauer Zimmerman uses his cowboying skills to herd the rest of the Jazz Hands to games, lectures them, does his best to keep them out of trouble and was appointed the head Lowe Wrangler. Bauer has dated 1 former member of the team Howell Rocha, they left on good terms but never expected to see eachother again.

Blaseball Style

Zimmerman hits home runs because he has dated and broken up with every first base person in the league, if he does somehow end up at first base he will attempt to (and most likely fail) steal second base.

Effect of Bauer's death on the team

After Bauer Zimmerman’s Incineration so soon after Tamara Crankit the team made sure to give him the proper burial, all of his exes came to the funeral. Edric Tosser organizes the team to sit shiva, and he hosts the first Shabbat after Zimmerman dies and the entire the team comes to that too, everyone sits down and tells their favorite story about Bauer. Walton Sports reports after he went and talked to August Sky and Campos Arias came over later, Steph Weeks took care of Baby Doyle. Wyatt Pothos spent time with Liquid Friend, and Collins Melon spent some time in the Smithy with Mikan Hammer and new recruit to the team Lancelot Kane. This ended in a greater communal feeling between the team and many of Zimmerman's monologues are being adapted into full productions, though they do not have a set opening night date.

Fan Works