Valentine Games/Rumor Registry
Valentine Games has 19 Rumors written about so far.
Valentine Games is the subject of a poem by Crabs Poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper:
The gifts the Gods provide are hard to parse
Depending on the God, it’s all a farce
Like Gods who blessed the Lovers and the Pies
And caused thousands of Crabs to curse the skies
The Olde One also works in cryptic ways
But Their actions warrant nothing but our praise
Take Valentine Games—they’re neither saint nor sinner
Yet earned a hallowed flying peanut dinner
Valentine was lingering in the field
Awaiting hits the other team might yield
He squinted and adjusted the bright red
Yarmulke attached upon his head
He spotted peanuts raining from the sky
And afterwards he could not tell you why
But in his mind he saw a clicking claw
So carefully he opened up his jaw
The taste of peanut was a bit complex
And nervously he pondered the effects
But soon a warmth enveloped him throughout
A ball flew through the air, he caught it out
For others, peanuts seemed to be a curse
But Valentine was given the reverse
For when he ate the peanut he became
An even greater lover of the game.
Valentine's DayThe popular holiday Valentine's Day was named in Games' honor. This is why people on Valentine's Day are often seen wearing the Baltimore Crabs' iconic red.
Valentine Games has always been considered an outlier to the Games family dynasty, in that she has little to no interest in the sport of blaseball. She was trained as a blaseball player from the time that she was very young -- however, she has stated in interviews that her true passions lie in poetry, kickboxing, bartending, and "hanging out at the arcade to pick up ladies, you know?"
Blaseball CareerDespite her misgivings towards blaseball, Valentine was recruited to the Baltimore Crabs while management was searching for a new pinch hitter. She tried out for the position to appease the Games family, and management soon realized she was too good to simply be a substitute. In becoming part of the main Crabs lineup, Valentine made many new friendships with players such as Kennedy Loser and Oliver Notarobot, and has been quoted as saying to reporters that "the Crabs helped [her] realize that the best thing about blaseball is having someone to share it with".
Peanut PhilosophyThough seemingly an unlikely pair, Valentine Games and Peanut Bong have become close friends due to a shared interest in philosophy and the arts. Bong, who is very accustomed to not being taken seriously, has found a good discussion partner in Games, who considers what they have to say important. The two are often seen going to nearby ice cream parlors to have their deep conversations about life and the cultural event of Blaseball.
DEPARTMENTAL MEMO (PLAYER RESOURCES). STATUS: LEVEL 2F. -- we've lost Games. And no, I'm not talking about our middling Season 11 record. He's gone native. We sent them to investigate the Normal PheNomenon a year and a half ago and I don't think any of the dispatches she's sent back since are legitimate. They're just -- jokes, or magazine cutouts -- we haven't technically lost contact but they have given us no useful information whatsoever -- we have footage of them taunting M. over his failed attempts at remote memory modifications -- none of these maps describe anyplace in our records, although that might be an effect of the spatial anomalies inherent to Los Angelii -- I decoded one of her last messages and all that was in it was a recipe for tomatillo salsa and what appears to be a crude drawing of the Monitor. What is he doing? What are they up to? What is going on? We can't retrieve them for at least the next year -- nothing but black holes and sunny days as far as the eye can see.
Friendships on the TacosWhile journalists have seemed unable to learn about Valentines relationships with the Tacos, Los Angeli natives have reported her often appearing in public with teammate Rat Mason. It is rumored this is due to shared travels regarding Valentine’s time spent on the New York Millennials, while Rat grew up in New York before moving to LA for the Blaseball scene.
Although he had a difficult time adjusting to his new teams after falling victim to Feedback three times in two seasons, Valentine made a home ("like a hermit crab carries its shell on its back") for himself on the Spies, where he ran a biweekly poetry slam and workshop until he was traded to the Tacos in yet another Feedback incident. Will the Tacos take to creative writing the same way they have taken to creative Blaseball Sabotage? We'll just have to wait and see!(Responsibility for the Spies chapter has been officially transferred to Son Scotch, who did not have enough assignments on his plate already. All Spies are encouraged to contribute their creative energies in this welcoming, low-pressure environment. Remember: language is one of your most important tools for infiltration and subterfuge!)
Snacking PreferencesValentine Games catches flyballs out of the air with her teeth and then devours them. She eats blaseballs and says they taste good and that it's normal. During her time with the Crabs, management had to start selling blaseball-shaped snacks in the Crabitat during games or else fans would try to eat actual blaseballs and choke on them, due to not having the razor sharp ripping teeth or powerful jaw strength of Valentine Games.
Blaseball CareerValentine Games became fascinated by the enigmatic splort of Blaseball during their childhood, when they saw it referenced in a heavily censored local news feature in their hometown of Rockville, MD. Their social worker parents were baffled but supportive of their child's athletic ambitions, although they drew the line at the strikingly un-kosher all-peanuts-and-blood "training diet" that Games proposed at age 13.
Infinite Variety Hour
Upon joining the Tacos, Valentine once again tried to get their TV show on the air. With help from Basilio Fig, who had recently come into stardom as Tree #4 in the hit movie 'The Bee Mlovie', the script was picked up in every version of LA at once. The show varies from LA to LA and is widely heralded by critics as "Confusing", "Incomprehensible", and "No seriously what's going on here". Rumours that the Houston Spies have stitched together a coherent "true version" from bits of footage from each LA's version are described by the Spies as "Unfounded" and "Please ignore the cassette reel labelled 'Top Secret'".The rest of the Tacos have been cast as a wide variety of bit parts for various episodes of the shows, and footage of them in various costumes crops up from time to time. Fig, as well as Peanut Bong (whose ability to utilize cartoon logic is a major asset to the special effects department), play more major roles and are also close friends with Val even off-set.
Valentine Games is Jewish.
Pedro Davids and Games were longtime penpals before joining the league. Both have stated that they continue to write letters to each other despite the frequency with which they see each other in person.They describe the importance of Berger cookies in nearly every interview, stating, "I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't eat a Berger cookie with every meal. Yes, of course that includes breakfast. Why wouldn't it?"
Spies Trench CoatPost-Feedback to the Tacos, Games has only ever been seen with his customary Spies trench coat, according to reports from both the team and others native to Los Angeli. The only exception to this report is directly prior to every time he steps up to bat, when he dramatically flings his coat to the side and does not pick it up. He has never been seen retrieving his coat after at bats, but always has one afterwards. Because of this, it is assumed they have come about a collection of unlimited coats.
Valentine Games left his jockstrap at my houseMaybe he'll see this wiki entry before he sees his PHONE, WHICH HE APPARENTLY NEVER CHECKS. Hi Val, you stayed over at my place in Montrose a couple times during the offseason before you moved to California without warning. If you don't get back to me in a week, I'm just gonna keep it, because it's comfy, and it's probably worth a few bucks if you get traded someday to a team that wins more than 1/4 of its games. Thanks in advance!
Personal PhilosophyValentine Games has been known to make seemingly untrue and contradictory statements when interviewed by the press. However, upon further questioning, they have denied deliberately misleading anyone. "We tell ourselves stories to make sense of the world. The stories I tell are just impressions of many different worlds. Who am I to deny the people watching me?," he asked, idly poking at the foam on her morning latte with a neatly groomed index finger.
Natural HabitatValentine Games is said to live in a well-camouflaged Airstream trailer. They prefer to park it in secluded areas near the shoreline (making sure not to disturb the dunes), never staying in the same spot for more than one week. The nature of the camouflage is unknown, but a series of recent L.A.-area Nextdoor posts have remarked on an unsightly, broken-down decommissioned ice cream truck spotted in several locations, most recently in a gas station parking lot just south of Venice Beach.
Disposition to Poetry
Valentine appears to interact with all press solely speaking in forms of poems and riddles, primarily in free verse and slam. When asked about their experience playing for the Tacos, xe responded:
"Hands tight around the bat swish swing and steady self against the game beginning, already blacked out can't back out now not when there’s a game changer weather brewing not when there’s a team changer coming down the line and I can feel it in my blood but no use watching grass grow when there’s a game to be played, superstition superseded by the pitch coming my way and I swing hit the ball and run and steal and play the goddamn game until its time to get back onto the plate with the pitcher on the mound all secondary threat and no menace. Feedback ringing in my ears I close my eyes
Valentine Games's bat is called the Love Letter. Gifted to them by the Spies team managers, it is made of wood that has undergone a #########!1????? treatment before its final coat of finish is applied.
In his pocket, he carries an ornamental shell comb gifted to him by the late Combs Duende, who showed him how to take his abundant 2C hair to the next level (the secret is salt).Their other pockets are largely empty - while on the Spies, they were officially reprimanded twice by their handlers for not carrying their emergency kit on their person while on the job. Luckily, on the Tacos, the rules are a little more lax, because it's hard to keep track of the contents of an infinite number of pockets. Wait, is that a chocolate bar?
During his brief stint on the Millennials, Valentine produced and directed a single-episode pilot of The Valentine Games, a reality television show. When Games was transferred to the Spies, the pitch was withdrawn and the pilot was never aired.
The show was pitched to networks as a thrilling combination obstacle course and dating show. However, those who have stumbled upon the copy of the final cut left in the Millennials' team apartment report that it consists entirely of:
1. layered soft-focus color footage of a Double-crested Cormorant catching fish near an unknown shore
2. cut with grainy 16mm footage of an unknown subject in a raincoat, sweeping a section of beach with a broom3. overlaid with audio sourced from news coverage of the 1998 Two Elk Lodge fire in Vail, CO
While they share a surname with Charleston Shoe Thieves players Cornelius Games and Richardson Games, it has been confirmed that the three players share less than 80% of their biomass and thus are allowed to compete as separate players.They are rumored to be descended from Calypso, the late three-legged sea turtle who once lived in the National Aquarium.
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