Parker Parra/Rumor Registry
Parker Parra has 10 Rumors written so far.
Rumors
Now defunct Baltimore based Blaseball Tabloid magazine "Shells Cracked" ran a supposedly in-depth article Titled "You won't BELIEVE what Parker Parra does in their spare time!" about Parker Parra on their personal life. This article, written by Camilla R.A. Bubblegum, included the following things:
- A "Non-exhaustive" list of their hobbies, including; Knitting, painting, drinking coffee, breathing, not making direct eye contact, swimming, petting crabs, breathing life into inanimate objects, walking, practicing Blaseball, origami, and looking at the stars.
- Segments of what is assumed to be an interview, but due to informal and sometimes nonsensical answers from Parra to the questions asked, some readers speculate that it was actually a recording of an eavesdropped conversation. Excerpts include "Hi, sorry I'm late [inaudible], Bustacean was late. Thanks for the coffee!" in response to a greeting, "Oh, yeah, the little crabs are my favourite origami to make" when asked about their teeth brushing habits, and "Of course I will. You know me." When asked about aspirations for reaching the Season 4 ILB Finals.
- REDACTED featuring REDACTED and REDACTED of Parra, presented in "marvelous 3D, now with sound" according to the magazine headline. Issues with this part of the article still in tact are collector's items, as some claim after witnessing this part of the article, the pages it was inscribed on burst into flames. It's unknown whether these rumors are true as prices for this issue of the magazine are so astronomically high that fans and museums alike are afraid to test the validity of this claim.
- Supposed evidence of Parra's ability to shape-shift. This claim was not founded with sources or pictures within the article and thus is largely considered to be a baseless rumor.
- Pictures of Parra on the Blaseball field. These inclusions made this particular issue of the magazine legally required to say "The Commissioner is doing a great job!" and "We are all love Blaseball" on both the front and back cover or face ramifications of REDACTED. Luckily, this is a frequent occurrence for Shells Cracked so no one had to face the ramifications.
- A segment about Parra's rumored relationship with Hades Tigers pitcher more...
Parra claims to be a three-dimensional projection of a higher-dimensional entity. Despite their apparent potential to be a star batter, their performance compared to the rest of the league has led to speculation that the entity cares little for Blaseball.
They have only been observed once out of their Blaseball uniform by a fan seeking an autograph--an event informally known as "The Casualwear Tragedy." The unfortunate fan was made dimensionally unstable, flitting between multiple versions of themselves including versions that mutter strange prophesies from other universes and at least one version that is a 20 foot tall two-dimensional monster intent on eating the other fans. In response to this incident, Parra was quoted as saying, "It was a shame it had to happen, but it did have to happen." As compensation, the fan was given season tickets behind the Crabs' dugout at the Crabitat. Sitting in a special dimensionally-sealed section for his, and others' protection, Wanderin' Dave is now a fixture at Crabs home games.
Parra is fascinated with crafts and art, especially origami, and as a result holds a deep admiration for them. They have mostly made origami crabs, but have branched out into making other animals as well. Among the confirmed animals crafted by them are a swan to "appease the overwhelming number of birds", and a tiger made in memory of Landry Violence.
Like many 5th dimensional entities projected into the 3rd dimension, Parker can be a bit of an eccentric. They have trouble wrapping their head around a lot of concepts very rooted in three dimensions, like twist tops on jars and bottles, that weird thing the Jazz Hands do with their fingers, the concept of wind, and lava lamps. They love experiencing new things on the plane, things others might find mundane, and have an infectious enthusiasm for life. Being 'time agnostic' doesn't grant them any precognition that we know of, it tends to just mean that the first time they learn how to open an unlocked door is 'somewhere in the middle,' and they'll simply appear to forget how to do it for the moment.
They love people, and the things they create, but some media seems lost on them. While they can read, decoding the squiggles on the page bores them, and even if they can sorta get what's trying to be conveyed over a screen, it's just a plane of light. Music is more to their liking, though their tastes are decades ahead of our own. They were half of the cult experimental hypoindustrial band Shopping List! Mustard, Frozen Peas, , Panko with Adalberto Tosser, and released a total of one EP and two singles before breaking up over artistic similarities. They have been a consistent groupie for Tosser's other musical projects since. Parra is also a lover of performance art, often moved to tears over the storytelling power of dance, live shows, and teppanyaki restaurants. They consider themselves a thespian, particularly of classical drama, though their idea of 'the joy of theater' (said as pompously as you can imagine) involves tickets to Jlerry Springer, JUDGE SINS, and sitcoms filmed in front of a live studio audience.
While originating as a 5th dimensional entity, it is rumoured that Parker Parra was summoned to the immaterial plane by a troupe of rogue mathemagicians for some nefarious purpose. The details of the original summoning have been lost however, since the troupe is has not been seen since the ritual was completed, further shrouding them in mystery. There is much speculation on both the nature of the ritual, disappearances, and what entities may have been involved, but when asked for their take on the situation Parker responded that they "couldn’t care less".
Parker's behaviour seems to attest to this attitude as they have taken to the splort of blaseball with glee - taking time in figuring out the intricacies of life in the 3rd dimension and the wonders of the linear passage of time.
Once, Parker Parra was just a being in the 5th dimension making their way through life before they became entangled in the planar convolutions around the Crabitat. The whole thing was a big fuss for both Parker and the League, as their fifth-dimensional flailing caused considerable damage to the dimensions immediately next to them. Fortunately Parker came to an arrangement with the ████ to be folded into an approximation of a 3 dimensional form and join the IBL full time with the understanding that when their material form was destroyed they could continue venturing through 5th dimensional space. How this deal interacts with the intricacies of the Hall of Flame is yet to be understood, though we look forward to finding out.
Reportedly over time Parker found out they actually enjoy playing blaseball, and the wide variety of experiences on the Immaterial Plane. In a recent interview, they confessed that "honestly, there's more going on in the Immaterial plane than in the 5 dimensional one."
Talk:Parker Parra/IF-121.90/Archive
Create New Rumor
To create a new Rumor for Parker Parra, use the Page Creation tool to the right. The IF number needs to be a randomly generated 4 or 5 digit number with a period placed somewhere within, and it cannot match any numbers currently used on this page. This will create a subpage under Parker Parra for inclusion in the main page. Visit Interdimensional Rumor Mill/Guide to read more about how to create a new Rumor.
