HELIOLATRY

HELIOLATRY is a Hellmouth originated, largely monothestic religion based on the Sun, the Sun's glory, and the Sun's effect on the earth. Its adherents are largely associated with the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Believers of HELIOLATRY are largely focused in the Hellmouth area, with little to no effort being seen thus far to spread to convert other blaseball teams or spread the religion to other areas. Believers of HELIOLATRY state that even without additional effort, HELIOLATRY is inevitable, as the sun is objectively real, very large and glorious, and an "unstoppable force of blaseball power."

History

Although many claim that HELIOLATRY has always existed, as it is only natural to worship the glorious Sun, the beginnings of modern (loosely) organized HELIOLATRY began sometime after the Hellmouth opened, as a result of the opening of the Forbidden Book. During this period of confusion and fear for the residents of what was once a normal Utah town, a "shining specter" was said to appear, extending one of its many hands and "guiding those who lived in the flames into a new and purer light." The identity of this founder is unknown, but was said to be "Radiant, glorious, charismatic, many-armed, and had a strange tendency to always speak in ALL CAPS."

After the formation of HELIOLATRY, the Glorious Founder was said to ascend bodily into the Sun, leaving the people below to follow in it's mighty footsteps. Some take this as proof that the Founder was the child of the Sun, brought down to guide it's chosen people to a new, warmer world. Some claim this is proof of the nature of incineration, and that all blaseball players who are struck down by rogue umpire have followed the Founder into the arms of the Sun. Some even go so far to claim that when an umpire goes rogue, it has become possessed by the Glorious Founder, who is selecting new people to become the Saints of HELIOLATRY (but unfortunately, none of them were able to withstand the Glorious Founders light).

You will never find anyone who claims that the Glorious Founder merely put on a pretty light show, threw some smoke bombs, and simply ran away while everyone was distracted and has been living^{[citation needed]} in secret among us by wearing a pair of shades and going by a new name, as everyone who dared to claim this has been aggressively and thoroughly silenced.

After the disappearance of the Glorious Founder, HELIOLATRY promptly spit into multiple denominations of worship, commonly referred to as "sects." Each sect has their own unique belief system and styles of worship, and may or may not interact, acknowledge, or respect branches outside of their own. Some sects allow for overlap with others, while some are largely ostracized by anyone outside their group.

Sects

There are many different Sects of HELIOLATRY, all of them coming to light after the absence of the Glorious Founder. Some of the most popular sects, having a wide amount of worshipers in the Hellmouth area, are listed below. HELIOLATRY is constantly expanding, however, and has an unusual amount of enthusiasm to the creation of new sects, saying that "As the Sun has so many beams with which to reach out and touch our minds, So will we have many beams to reach out and touch the hearts of believers." Therefore, categorization of all possible branches is considered challenging, if not entirely impossible.

The Lunar Apologists

Considered heretical by most adherents of HELIOLATRY, the Lunar Apologists differ in two primary beliefs from mainstream dogma. Firstly, they believe that the Hellmouth is an adversary of Sol, “the Lightbringer and Protector,” and secondly that the moon is not an enemy of the sun, but an ally. They contend that when it opened, the Hellmouth sought to devour the greatest source of power within its grasp, and that it would have succeeded if not for the intervention of Luna, the “Mirror and Guardian.” Seeing that it could not resist the Hellmouth’s pull, Sol asked Luna for sanctuary. She accepted and hid the sun, beginning the Unending Eclipse. It is hoped that denying the Hellmouth Sol’s light will eventually starve and weaken it until it can no longer remain open, at which point the sun may return and vanquish it once and for all.

Apologists are frequently accused by other HELIOLATERS as being moon worshippers and traitors to the sun, an allegation that they resent. Though they view Luna as an ally of Sol and the eclipse as just, most consider her a lesser divine being at most, and some call her a servant of the sun. In contrast, Lunar Apologists frequently decry other HELIOLATERS’ acceptance of the Hellmouth, both as an entity and as their new home, as blasphemous. This mutual animosity has led to a general distrust of Apologists and Apologist teachings, and rumors about who is or is not a secret Apologist are commonplace.

The Dusk Conspiracy

The Dusk conspiracy, although considered "unusual" by many main believers of HELIOLATRY, is a surprisingly popular Sect, and bears some resemblance to the Lunar Apologists in their more sympathetic view of the night. Members of the Dusk Conspiracy believe that it is their mission to call the Light back into the world, and work through the night to ensure that the sun will rise the next morning. Unlike other sects, members avoid the light, fearing a form of retaliation if they are seen not preforming their duties, and live by candlelight and vitamin D tablets, emerging only as the sun sets. Some naysayers of this cult say that the nocturnal habits of the Dusk Conspiracy are born not of any particular belief, but of necessity, and the claims that they need to avoid the light for their "safety" are a cover for their true, not-so-human nature. Members of the Dusk Conspiracy firmly deny this, however, and state that evidence presented of them avoiding garlic, crosses, running rivers, and a previous fear of the Dallas Steaks due to a brief misprinting in the local newspaper are "just wacky coincidences." One member of the Dusk Conspiracy, speaking to our investigator through a heavy curtain in front of their window, stated, "it's absolute slander, is what it is, pure slander, and they'll be hearing from my lawyer. You just wait, the moment the sun sets, they'll be getting a strongly worded letter."

The Coven of Solar Sight

A small offshoot of the Dusk Conspiracy, the Coven of Solar Sight began when a Conspiracist considered the source of the light they worked by, and where it might come from. Having concluded that all light comes from the Sun and that vision is otherwise impossible, they turned their mind to what that meant for vision. In the end, they came to dire conclusions, and left the Dusk Conspiracy. The Coven's membership avoids the sun as the Conspiracists do, but they go to extreme lengths to avoid exposure to any and all light, working by dim candles in sealed rooms underground. There, they ponder the inevitability of the end -- because by Coven reckoning, all use of light to see drains the sun of its power over time. The originator, name unknown, is said to have concluded the sun will finally burn out in less than ten years. Most knowledge of the Coven is limited to the few pamphlets left in stacks outside of their doors at night. A small and inconsistent sampling of these hints at a darker current to Coven activities: the destruction of sight altogether, to save the sun's light. Their complete disdain of the Hellmouth Sunbeams motto, "Stare into the Sun," has also led to dispute of their status as a true sect of HELIOLATRY. The Coven has gotten a poor reputation as a result of these and other activities, though it is at least still considered to be "mostly harmless".

Siblings of Solar Exposure

The Siblings, commonly recognized as the more fashion-forward believers of HELIOLATRY believe that one’s choice in clothing serves as a form of prayer, and the choice of what you wear, and how, has specific meaning in regards to your relationship to the Sun. Choosing how the light shines on you is considered a form of creative expression, indicating how you would like the sun to help you. For example, a bare head might indicate a prayer for knowledge, and an exposed thigh is a popular choice for blaseball players hoping for extra running power. It is said that the more one focuses on one body part, the stronger the sun’s gift will be. Fashion plays a large part in the hierarchy of the siblings, and is constantly in rotation (although crop tops are very frequently popular). As a result, the Siblings often unintentionally determine Hellmouth fashion trends, and many lead magazines attempt to track the Sibling's and their current forms of worship to try and keep ahead of new styles.

The Gilded Hand

Members of the Gilded Hand are often hard to miss around the Hellmouth, often being draped in many layers of finery despite the oppressive heat of the sun, but many do not realize the more humbly dressed person standing right beside them could be a believer as well. The Gilded Hand believes in the acquisition of material goods above all else, but do not hoard and covet wealth for its own sake. Instead, Acquisitions are meant to be spent for the good of Sol and its Adherents, including other sects. Coins, as such, should be spent before the end of each Blaseball Election, both to prevent hoarding, and as a practical way to prevent being Redistributed to those less worthy. Members of the sect are expected to either eschew quality clothing for the betterment of Hellmouth or to dress in incredibly gaudy and expensive clothes, to show how much wealth they have acquired for Sol.

Photosynthetics

Photosynthetics is a relatively new sect of HELIOLATRY, and as such little is known about it, but it has grown rather rapidly among people who, in their own words, "just really like plants." As can be deduced from this statement, Photosynthetics is characterized by its worship of plants alongside the Sun, and the view that Photosynthesis is the ultimate form of worship. As one member put it, "I mean, we're all trying to become more like the Sun, right? And Photosynthesis is literally absorbing the Sun. I mean, you just don't get more sun than that." One common form of worship is to stand topless in the desert for hours soaking up the life giving rays of the sun. this has resulted in many severe sunburns that cultists say means they have been chosen. This Sect was said to have formed accidentally by Sunbeams player Eugenia Bickle after one of her garden parties hosted for her teammates and their fans, although queries on what sort of garden party gets mistaken for a cult meeting have remained unanswered, and Bickle declined to comment on the matter.

After contact with some Boston residents, many Photosynthetics have begun working in the Hellmouth Beautification Society experimental greenhouse. Their stated goal is to bring beautiful plants to the Hellmouth. However, the biggest project the Society has undertaken to date is bringing Giant Sundews to the desert. The Photosynthetic's defense of "come on, they're literally named after the Sun!" is strong, but doesn't quite make up for the numerous animals the massive carnivorous plants have since eaten.

Sols Melodious

The Sols Melodious sect arose when Hellmouth's internet connection drastically improved at the end of Season 4, and its three founders (Kurdle Milken, music instructor at Hellmouth Community College; Dirk Framfelter, host of the Sagebrush Almanac Radio Music Hour; and The Artist Who Is No Longer, Legally, Allowed To Call Themselves Amadeus Mozart) were searching the web for podcast topic ideas found a heliophysicist's AMA dating back to XX15. Here they learned that the Sun was, with complete disregard for the airless non-medium of space, producing the aural equivalent of "10,000 Earths covered in police sirens, all screaming". The trio agreed then and there that instead venerating the sun with a podcast, they could form a band and sing the virtues of the Sun instead.

Sols Melodious worship is primarily aural expression. Musical talent is a recommended but non-essential entry criteria. It is considered acceptable, if lacking in boldness, to share Sunbound music with less divine individuals before broadcasting to the Sun itself. The most ardent worshippers will have a setlist reserved only for the Sun, and practice it in specially-carved caverns and chasms where none will be able to hear it. To the average musically-inclined Hellmouthian, Sols Melodious is a popular choice for those wanting to practice HELIOLATRY without major lifestyle changes, as one is considered a member of the cult provided one can "pop into a jam session every once in a while".

Members of Sols Melodious are, by and large, aware that the empty void of space cannot carry sound and that both hearing the Sun's song and singing one back are physically impossible. Most will claim that "nobody said it was going to be easy" and see basic laws of physics stymieing them as a sign "they're on the right track" or "when we get our miracle, then, it's gonna really be something, huh?"

Beaming Mlan

The main observance conducted by Sols Melodious adherents is Beaming Mlan, an annual pilgrimage where the entire sect departs Hellmouth and ventures deep into the desert away from prying ears. The cult spends several days constructing a transmission tower from scratch, rehearsing their songs, and finally taking turns broadcasting their performances directly to the Sun.

The transmission structures have lacked a consistent design over the years of their construction, with the earliest designs being something akin to a giant ear trumpet with a stage on the big end for performers to yell into. Subsequent designs have added further/actual transmission capacity, including the ability to pick up on exoplanetary/exoplanar radio waves.

After performances have concluded, the tower is decommissioned but left standing, as a "reminder".

How the group is able to bankroll such an expensive and pointless operation year after year is unknown. Unsubstantiated rumor points toward operatives from Houston as a possible sponsor. Structures seemingly particularly incapable of ingress have, according to Beaming Mlan participants, had the sound of footsteps from within.

Children of the Bright Light

Not much is known about the Sect referred to as the "Children of the Bright Light," as most other sects are hesitant to talk about (or even acknowledge) them, and its believers (commonly referred to as the 'Pale Eyed') are generally too busy staring into the sun and chanting ominously to themselves to be questioned. The few who were willing to discuss the Pale Eyed referred to them as "kinda freaky" and "a little much," and stated "I know we're a cult and everything, but like... come on, guys. You're making the rest of us look bad." One of the few things known is the initiation process, which involves staring into the sun until the "Sun has entered you," which will be represented by the new recruit becoming almost, if not entirely, blinded by the light. According to believers, they are not blinded at all, but merely cleansed of all sights that "its holy rays did not approve." One investigator, for the sake of research, went through the initiation process, and was last seen wandering through the Hellmouth, smiling broadly, staring at nothing. When approached by fellow investigators, who made comments such as "where have you been," "your family was so worried about you," and "please, please come home," the former investigator only replied, "I'm here. I have always been here."

Any further investigation into the Children of the Bright Light has been strictly banned, and all mistaken tourists to Hellmouth will be prevented from interacting with the Pale Eyed by any means necessary.

Controversy

An example of potentially misleading HELIOLATRY merchandise.

Despite the general laid-back nature of the inhabitants of the Hellmouth, including among its worshipers of HELIOLATRY, there are many who claim HELIOLATRY is not a religion so much as a cult: a social group that is defined by its unusual religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs, or by its common interest in a particular personality, object or goal. People claiming this often point to the fact that worshipers commonly refer to it as the "HELIOLATRY cult," claim to be members of a cult, wear t-shirts that bear messages such as "ASK ME ABOUT THE CULT I'M IN," and say things such as, "Oh, yes, I absolutely believe in HELIOLATRY, and for the record it's a cult. Just in case you were confused- this is absolutely a cult." Although there is no real evidence that HELIOLATRY is a cult aside from word of mouth and blatant confessions from the members, many take a negative view of HELIOLATRY due to this belief.

When asked to comment on if claims of HELIOLATRY being a cult are truthful, a Solcerer who chose to remain anonymous said, "well, what is a cult, really, when you think about it? I mean, a lot of things seem sort of strange or unusual to people outside of it, but that's because they're outside of it, you know? You have to keep an open mind about things, because that's how the sun gets in. You keep an open mind, and the sun crawls in through your eyes and into your mind. It's here now, it's inside me, there's so much light inside me and it is bright and terrible and holy. Would you like to see? Would you like to see the sun? Would you like to feel the sun the sun the sun the sun THE SUN THE SUN THE-"

The investigator then inquired about the patch on the Solcerer's jacket that said "HELIOLATRY is a cult, I lead a cult, AMA," but the interviewee was unable to comment, due to being too busy chanting, howling, and gazing at the Sun.

Spelling

There is some disagreement among members of HELIOLATRY over the correct spelling of the religion, with some calling it HELIOLATRY, as in this article, and some calling it HELIOATRY, as seen in a popular HELIOLATRY handout designed to determine which sect you should consider joining. Proponents for the HELIOATRY spelling argue that the alternative "sounds too general, how is everyone going to know we're talking about this Specific religion and not just general Sun worship?" Proponents for the HELIOLATRY spelling argue that their opponents "probably are just really bad at spelling and made a mistake and then didn't want to admit they did it." At that point, most meeting generally descend into chaos, assuming they were not already in chaos to begin with.