Kennedy Loser

Kennedy Loser is a player for the Baltimore Crabs. They have played for the team since Season 1.

Official League Records

Loser is perhaps best known for their home run in the 20th inning that brought the Crabs to an 8-6 victory over the Breckenridge Jazz Hands on day 52 of Blaseball Season 2.

History

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Loser stated in an interview that while they were previously known as Loser Kennedy, they swapped their first and last names to avoid the Kennedy curse. They have also stated that their favorite part of any blaseball game is hearing a stadium shout "Loser! Loser! Loser!" and that they are "fueled by hate."

While they have successfully avoided the nominative phenomenon known as the "Kennedy curse," it is theorized that Kennedy has harbored a "Loser aura" since the name change, causing nearby batters—both on the Crabs and the opposing team—to make horrible mistakes. Although this theory has not yet been proven, it may help to explain why so many ground outs are hit to Kennedy Loser, and why they seem to be incapable of hitting a ball 90% of the time. Believers in the "Loser aura" are also split on whether it is connected to incidents of The Olde One seeming to speak through Loser.

Loser is often described as a father figure by many of the Crabs. "It's like, he doesn't always get your music or understand why you're wearing you cap backwards but he's always at the grill come BBQ day and he's saved a hot dog just for you."

Loser is known to have a matching arm tattoo with Tillman Henderson.

In Literature

Crabs poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following poem about Loser's most famous game:

The score was tied, and the time was dire

When Kennedy Loser grabbed his bat.

We shouted his name, a chaotic choir,

As he rose from the dugout and doffed his hat,

He took a step, tripped, and fell down flat.

And at this sign, we all sighed and knew

This game might never end, and also that

This man was a loser, through and through.

The inning was twenty, the hour ticking down,

And Kennedy wiped his hands on his pants.

He minced to the plate, his face in a frown,

He tested his swing and his feet did a dance.

He stared at the pitcher, awaiting his chance,

Then, just incredible! He tumbled to!

He had fallen again, and lay there askance.

This man was a loser, through and through

There were two outs, and a man on first base,

As Kennedy pushed himself to his feet.

Our hopes were dismal as he took his place,

And everyone said he looked slightly beat.

He stood like a stone; felt the first fastball’s heat,

“Strike one!” We all heard. And then a “Strike two!”

He looked gone and lost, like he couldn’t compete;

This man was a loser, through and through.

A double spillover? We looked at the clock.

Kennedy readjusted, tense but unbowed,

And met the next pitch with a titanic knock.

The ball raced away, disappeared in a cloud,

And Kennedy turned and spoke to the crowd

“Ask not what Mother Crab can do for you!”

Then he rounded the bases, beaming and proud.

This Loser a winner, through and through.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Interdimensional Rumor Mill

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Marriage

Kennedy is married. This came as a surprise to many of the Crabs, who did not even realize that he was married to the person he kept bringing over to their gatherings, until the very day of ascension when he brought up in conversation, "I am going to miss my husband." Kennedy's husband is named Terry. They love each other very much. Terry doesn't really 'get' the whole blaseball thing, but hey, it's Ken's job, and they want to be supportive.

Terry is short for

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Teraflop Loser. The two of them met online (on Luis Acevedo's SMP server), and as is reported to the public, they have maintained a long-distance relationship throughout. However, privately, Terry is a software entity who lives in the phone lines. The two of them chat late into the night most days and work together managing the team's PR.

Terry has gotten in countless flame wars on Kennedy's behalf behind his back, but unbeknownst to him, the vast majority of the trolls are sockpuppet accounts of Yusef Puddles.