UserWiki:UnabashedlyRose
COMMUNITY REPORTSThe remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Player History
Jessica Telephone sprang fully formed from a payphone a few years ago, seconds before her brother Sebastian Telephone. Jessica's emergence from the payphone is no accident. She exists as synchronous quantum waveform in the 80s decade of every century of human history - and possibly beyond. Each at-bat for Jessica Telephone, she emerges from her phone booth as a particular century's incarnation of the Eternal Jessica. This time it may be the classic 1980s Jessica, carefully teased and feathered hair tucked under her helmet. In another inning, the plate is graced with 980s Jessica, fresh from the viking raids on the hapless Anglo-Saxons. Her next appearance may come in a spray of lasers and 4-D holograms as 2380s Jessica takes her turn at bat.
Jessica remembers every moment of the countless 80s decades that she's lived through. Her past is constantly in flux, however. While primary aspects of her identity remain constant, everything she lived through is subject to change as she grows as a person. What she remembers shifts — except in the unique pocket of time that blaseball sits, where she often finds herself remembering multiple versions of events. The unique temporal effects of blaseball have resulted in Telephone being rendered unable to see her future, a unique circumstance for her that she reportedly finds liberating.
Visiting fans and flans have asked for her number in the past. None have been successful, but there is still hope. That phantom buzz in your pocket when you don't have your phone on you? That's a missed call from Jessica Telephone and you're lucky you didn't answer.
The concept of gender does not, never has, and never will have much meaning at all to Jessica. However, she identifies as a transgender woman.
First Stint with the Pies
As Telephone grew to fame as statistically the greatest player in blaseball in season 2, her popularity skyrocketed. Many fans were particularly enthralled with her love life. Throughout the various 80s, she had been married to any number of women, often at the same time. A cult following developed around this aspect of her life, and many of the Telephones that emerged from the payphone to bat were happy to indulge questions and bask in the love of fans. Others quickly and quietly retreated to the phone booth after batting.
From conversations with the talkative Telephones, it has emerged that Telephone has had a number of long term relationships with women and several marriages, but she maintains a degree of privacy about her romantic life and the identity of these women is currently unknown. This has not stopped rumors from springing up; countless individuals are said to have been past, present, or future paramours of Jessica Telephone, including Sappho of Lesbos, Aphra Behn, and that cute girl with the undercut who works at Best Buy.
Career as a Tiger
Telephone's arrival to Hades began with a communication error, when general manager Fearful Symmetry demanded a phone for her office, and pitching coach Kick Rocks instead called upon an ancient pact to summon Jessica Telephone. According to legend, at that moment a blood-drenched payphone appeared before 480 BCE Spartan Jessica. saying "YOU ARE RECEIVING A COLLECT CALL FROM [a chorus of shrieking souls, thousands of angry teeth gnashing in unison, the cosmic blood of a broken moon.] DO YOU ACCEPT THE CHARGES?" She smiled slyly, revealing a mouth of razor-sharp teeth, before stepping into the phone booth and vanishing with a thunderous crack.
While in Hades, Jessica picked up the nickname "Jessica Persephone". Due to peculiarities of the Hadean local dialect, the nickname is pronounced [ˈpɚsəfoʊn], as an overcorrection for pronouncing her surname as [təˈlɛfəniː]. It's been noticed that the tangible forms of Eternal Jessica seem to be skewing somewhat older in history while she resides in Hades; ancient Greece and Rome have been especially common.
Several fans who were in the audience of game 2 of the Season 3 championship claim that moments after the incineration of Landry Violence, Jessica answered a call on the Dial Tone.[1]
Jessica Phones Home - Return to the Pies
During a Season 4 match against the Tigers, Phillies shortstop Spears Taylor called Jessica to ask if she wanted to carpool to the local BLM rally after the game. The phone call inadvertently triggered Feedback, causing Jessica to emerge from Spears’s cellphone and take over their position on the Pies team.
Both the Tigers and Pies were sad to see their teammates go, but wished them well in their future careers. The Pies for their part held a “Jessica Phones Home” parade in center city; featuring all the Philly players on floats, flaky crust confetti, and the Philadelphia Philling leading the Drexel University marching band in a jazz rendition of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe.” Jessica called the city’s response to her return “very sweet” and “honestly a little much.”
Overnight, Philadelphia’s population grew 1.8% due to all of Jessica’s wives, girlfriends, and fans moving into the city.
The Shelling
After the Season 6 regular season, one incarnation of Telephone was condemned to the inside of a peanut shell, where she remained for several months. This impressionable young Telephone was unaccustomed to staying on the blaseball field for long, typically batting and returning to the phone. While in the shell, her boredom overtook her and she passed the time by practicing rapping Eminem's song "Rap God," the only song that the groundskeeper played every night. Upon emerging from the shell after being pecked out by birds, she put on an impromptu performance for her teammates and all of the Blaseball news media, sending them into a frenzy.
Telephone tried to return to her phone, but she was shocked to find that her connection had been severed. She tried to live up to the "cool" image that many seemed to have of her, but her Internet research for "cool" instead led to images of skateboarding and vaping. She dedicated herself to these things in an attempt to be seen as effortlessly cool, though many of her former fans were turned off by her new image.
Jessica was a little relieved when she found herself in a shell at the end of season 8, both tired from the effort of trying to seem cool and hoping that this new shelling would restore her connection to the telephone.
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