PolkaDot Patterson
PolkaDot Patterson is a pitcher for the Canada Moist Talkers. Patterson debuted for the Kansas City Breath Mints at the beginning of Season 1 and was traded to the Baltimore Crabs during Season 2.
Official League Records
Blessing and Trade
Patterson received the Season 1 blessing Max Out Pitcher. This raised Patterson's pitching attribute rating to ★★★★★ and gave them 87 fingers (warning: FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE link). They were then traded to the Baltimore Crabs as a result of the Steal Best Pitcher blessing.
20-Inning Game
Patterson was the pitcher for the Crabs during the record-holding longest game in Internet League Blaseball history by innings played, a 20-inning game between the Crabs and Breckenridge Jazz Hands on Season 2, Day 52. Patterson and the Crabs won the game 8-6.
Second Trade
Patterson was traded to the Canada Moist Talkers for Oliver Notarobot during the Season 2 elections as a result of the Defection blessing.
History
COMMUNITY REPORTSThe remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Time with the Baltimore Crabs
After receiving the "Max Out Pitcher" blessing and subsequent trade to the Crabs, Patterson was regarded as a Messianic figure by the team. Just one season later, Patterson was switched, to the dismay of many, with the Moist Talkers' Oliver Notarobot.
Time with the Canada Moist Talkers
When traded to the Moist Talkers, Patterson said in their debut press conference:
"My whole life, I have been cursed with chronic dry mouth. This morning I can proudly say that I woke up with a very, very moist mouth. I am excited for the opportunity to bring a championship to the Moist Talkers and their fans."
Moist Talkers Pitcher and master of the Spitball Jenkins Good, who was also at the press conference, stated that it was great to have them on the team.
"I think that PolkaDot and I will have great phlemistry, and I look forward to helping them master the Spitball technique."
Appearance and Personal Life
PolkaDot Patterson... How do you even begin to explain PolkaDot Patterson? PolkaDot Patterson is flawless. They have two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus. Their hair is insured for $10,000. I hear they do car commercials in Japan. Their favorite movie is Varsity Blues. One time, they met John Stamos on a plane and he told them they were pretty.
Upon obtaining 87 fingers, Patterson developed the ability to apply four-dimensional spin to the ball.
Miscellaneous
Patterson's Regular Edition Discipline Era Photo Card (fig.2) has seen significant degradation due to Patterson's signature emanations. Patterson's Special Edition Discipline Era Photo Card (fig.3) has been reconstructed from photographer descriptions. The photographer has seen significant degradation due to Patterson's signature emanations.
In Literature
The Baltimore Crabs Poet Laureate wrote the following about Patterson:
Born of prophecy, was the great Patterson
Who strode from Kansas City to Crabs’ locker room
There, carried the team like an army of one
And rose up the Crabs from a deep muddy gloom
Beneath the blotted outline of the cold dark sun.
The fans, huddled together, fearing the state
Of discipline that that the Gods had proclaimed,
Basked as Polkadot pitched—this Blaseball great—
And then, Patterson snatched by the Gods, they cried:
In the name of Mother Crab, we shall not be shamed,
And against the Blaseball Gods we turn our spite!
Patterson does not remain, but in their stead
Still burns the spark that will one day set right
The heedless rogue umpires whose whims we dread
And shall bring all teams against the Gods to fight.
Nicknames
- Saint Patterson
- The Dot
- PeePee
- P O L K A D O T
- Mound guardian, guardian of the mound
- The arm(s) that won't quit
- p̗̹͕̰̤̭͇͐͛̿̅̔͊̄̀̚͟ͅŏ̶̧̼̹͉͙̟̀̊̌̿̑͘l̶̙̰͙̜̫͖͕̮̜͚͂̓̂͛͊̚k̸̤͓̘̦̙͓͈̮̖͂̆̂̑͛̽͆́͘̚͢a̸̧͎͉̬̻͗̓̅̅̐̀͌̿͜͡͞ḅ̷̨̬̹̼͑̆͂̿͂̏͊̂͌ȩ̴͙͓̩͈̤̳̰̈͌́͆́̓̚ả̵̛̲̖͇̹͉̊̐̍͛͆͒͡s̸̳̻̱͕̘̻̦̬̔͌̊̏̃̈͝͞t̡̧̪̝͓̟͓̙͊̇̂̅͐̕͟͜3̧̝̰͓̗̗̊́̐̿͂̏́͘̕͡0̩̲̗̺̥̰̯̊̂̈̿̚0̵̥͎͓͓͓̭̯̼̞͖̿̀̇̂̈́̓͗͛̀̚0̨̢̛̪̱̺͎͑̃͋̊̈̚͟
- PDP
Blaseball Cards
Season 1, Regular Edition (Damaged) (src: l. coeruleus)
Season 2, Regular Edition (@Slagstorm)
Season 2, All-Star Edition (@Slagstorm)
Season 2: Regular Edition Photo Card (src: l. coeruleus)
Season 2: Special Edition Photo Card (src: l. coeruleus)
Bootleg Polkadot Patterson Blaseball Card Season 3
Moist Talkers Card
