Iffey Jr.

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The Iffey Jr. is a Legendary Item that Minimized the wielder but allowed them to protect their team from incineration. It first appeared during Season 7.

Introduction

The Iffey Jr. was introduced via a blessing of the same name during Season 7. The exact wording of the blessing was as follows (see Operation for further implications of this text):

Item. A sawed-off bat of protection. Impossible^[*] to wield. Minimize a Player, but they^[†] shield your^[‡] team^[§] from incineration.

The Miami Dale won the blessing with 2% of a total 119,673 votes, upsetting the highest bidder New York Millennials, who had 56% of the vote.
Dale lineup player Raúl Leal received the Iffey Jr. Leal was then Minimized (reduced to 0 stars in all stats) and received the unique Fire Protector modification. The exact wording of the modification was as follows (see Operation for further implications of this text):

This player will protect their^[¶] team^[#] from incinerations.

Operation

While the precise operation of the Iffey Jr. was not well understood until Season 13, its predominant function was observed twice during its tenure in the League.

First Redirection

On Season 8, Day 94, a rogue umpire attempted to incinerate Beck Whitney. However, Raúl Leal redirected the attack back to the umpire using the Iffey Jr. This incineration is the first known instance of an umpire death since the start of Internet League Blaseball. The deceased was later identified as Ump Husky.

Second Redirection

During the Season 9 Election, the Miami Dale won the New Kid blessing and a rogue umpire attempted to incinerate their least Idolized player, Don Elliott. Leal again prevented the incineration using the Iffey Jr., despite its occurrence outside of regular play. A second Umpire, later identified as Ump Raúl, died in the attempt.

Vulnerability

A fatal vulnerability of the Iffey Jr. was revealed on Season 13, Day 43, when Leal was incinerated. While shocking, the weakness was confirmed by Umpire sun2man, who stated "TO BE CLEAR...RAUL WAR ALWAYS INCINERATE-ABLE".

Semantic Analysis

The ambiguous nature of the Iffey Jr.'s descriptive text has been a subject of debate since its introduction.

Trivia

• Contrary to popular depictions, no one knows exactly how much of the Iffey Jr. was sawed off, by whom, or in which direction.
• Despite its name, the Iffey Jr. has no known relatives.
• There is an "e" in the name of the Iffey Jr.

In Popular Media

While the only official physical description of the Iffey Jr. was that it was "a sawed-off bat," a number of artists have depicted the item, often in the hands of its wielder, Raúl Leal.