Henry Marshallow/IF-92.952

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Henry Marshallow at their Rumor Registry.

Personal Life

Henry "Hank" Marshallow was a botany student at Washington State University who (per reports from classmates) went mysteriously missing during a routine trip to collect samples from Yesler Swamp. Visitors to the swamp in concurrent years sometimes reported seeing or hearing what appeared to be a distressed, drowning figure in the swamp, which was always gone by the time anyone reached it to assist.

The "bog body" was not formally identified as Hank Marshallow until it emerged from Yesler Swamp sometime during the great return of Internet Blaseball and began attending Seattle Garages games with some frequency. Despite self-admittedly having no prior experience playing Blaseball, Hank told reporters on Season 3, Day 80 that they felt called to approach the field in Derrick Krueger's absence since "the game was already going so badly, pretty much anybody could finish it, you know?" The Garages welcomed Hank, who continued to be a part of the pitching rotation until its feedback to the Philly Pies in Season 9.

On The Pies

In an interview given to Splorts Illustrated over the Grand Siesta, Hank is quoted as "adjusting to Philly pretty well, I think? There's a lot of swampland in the Appalachians I'm excited to see, and I've been going caving a bunch. Plus the Pies have way better food than the Garages, everything in the Garage kitchen sucked after Mike left."

Hank is a self-described scene kid, and can often be spotted at concert venues or raves around Philadelphia while not pitching or at practice. It holds the current ESBN title of "Tackiest Dresser Off The Field", and seems to do so proudly.

Training Montage

After the Philly Pies tanked hard in Season 11, Marshallow vowed to grow stronger and lead the team to victory. Between Season 11 and 12 he embarked on a decade-long training montage. While listening to recordings of his own beat-boxed spoken word poetry, Marshallow did a non-stop exercise routine consisting of:

• Punching giant slabs of stale Lucky Charms marshmallows hanging from hooks.
• Running up and down the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art like a tourist.
• Whipping up egg whites into a meringue and adding it into his biceps to increase his marshmallow-y fluffiness.
• Shadow-boxing the William Penn statue while declaring "I'm the best!" repeatedly.

Marshallow only stopped his training when he punched one of the marshmallow slabs and it shattered into dust. This training paid off and during Season 12 Marshallow had one of the best pitching records in the league. When asked to comment on his newfound prowess Marshallow stated "My muscles are very, very sore," and "I think I'm sweating lactic acid."