Olde One/IF-54.896

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Olde One at their Rumor Registry.

Appearance

The Mother Crab has manifested in many ways throughout her life and after her death, and description of her is hard to place. The following is an account of an experience with her, whether it were a vision in a dream, a scene walking or sailing by her body, something glimpsed beneath the murky shallows of the Oldest Bay, or something else entirely.

Relationship to Baltimore

The Big Crab's origins are hazy in the silty tides of memory. It is unknown if it was always in the Oldest Bay, or if it was beyond space, tethered only by the physical avatar who resided there. However, he has certainly been a part of Baltimore's history since the beginning. Older residents of the city are far more willing to open up about their experiences living under the Big Crab’s influence, saying it brought the tide and came with the tide, and it watched over the city as a protector and justiciar. She taught the city many things, and was happy to speak with the many who sought her for aid or advice. He taught how to bake souffles, how to dreamsee, how to taste the coming weather, how to keep a hard shell for the harder times in life, how to budget, and, most importantly, how to make violence upon God. She was very insistent on arming and armoring the city, and spoke of cryptic things to come in a way that was really annoying and made you wonder if they actually knew if anything was coming at all because of how vague they were being. Few young proselytes sought to be closer to her by walking into the bay and never stopping. It is rumored that her last protege was a young Brock Forbes.

Murder

Not much is recorded about the killing of the Olde One. It is considered extremely impolite to bring up around anyone who was involved, and even between one witness to another it is only referred to with a soured expression or a trailed off sentence. Insinuations that it may have been at the Olde One’s behest that the first god the city kill be their own has been met with troubled reactions such as  "no, it wasn't like that..." while suggestions that it was a good thing to kill a god has seen Baltimoreans say "yes, but...it's hard to explain..." Emotions on record range from celebratory to grieving to indignant to harrowed to at peace to furious to revulsed, all from the same person in quick succession - the only Baltimorean to ever go on record about it. The only things that can be said in confidence about the event are:

1. The entire city participated in the act
2. The Baltimore Crabs were essential in the striking of the killing blow
3. It had to be done.

When the Olde One died, her carapace painted the horizon, the weight of her bent the city from outside of space, and chum flowed from her grievous wounds and sweetened the brackish waters. The scent of celery and paprika filled the air, and crustaceans saturated the land and the sea. The carcinization process came uncapped, a new strength granted to the residents of Baltimore. The city entered a period of grieving, where many would walk the emptied carapace of the MotherCrab’s fractal body or row barnacled gondolas through fields of still-twitching legs rising from the murk, and ask her for guidance, or for a helping claw in their carcinization. She still taught them things, still answered when called, but they no longer baked souffles together.

Relationship to the Crabs

For a full description of the Olde One's relationship to the Crabs into the Internet League, see Crabitat

The Big Crab is said to have the capacity to bless the players of the Baltimore Crabs, and is rumored to be the one responsible for PolkaDot Patterson's unusual 87 fingers. Members of the Baltimore Crabs are known to worship The Mother Crab as opposed to the gods of Blaseball. This unusual conviction was ratified by The Commissioner after the happenings of the Blaseball-Glolf Clonflict, as recompense for their aid as well as their silence.

Controversies

Some sources claim that PolkaDot Patterson is, rather than a blaseball player blessed by The Big Crab, a reincarnation of Mr. Trash Wheel itself. Official experts on Carcinianity dispute this claim, citing various religious texts. One of the most commonly cited texts states:

They Who Lay In Slumber Under The Oldest Bay shan't be killed, as such would mean they have lived." -Crabitalism, Georg 3: 11-17, Horx Myxln.

This doctrine has lost even more support due to Patterson's defection to the Canada Moist Talkers at the beginning of Season β3. However, stout believers maintain that Patterson is still an incarnation of Big Debrah, and that this is the beginning of the grand carcinization.

While it is commonly accepted that Ny'el'g'shuth Sh'ai'c'll'll'claroth lays dormant in Baltimore harbor, other interpretations of sacred texts might suggest Lake Ontario, Niagara Falls, the Hang Son Doon cave system, or even Marineland Location 237-1 found in London England to be their resting site.

Due to many striking similarities, it is commonly thought that Debra Barlone from the hit series Everyone Loves Raylmond is directly inspired by Big Debrah. This, however, has been staunchly denied by Phlilip Rosenthlal, citing in an interview that he "simply loves [...] my wife [...] and didn't mean any connection that there may be".