Kofi Gildehaus

From Blaseball Wiki

Kofi Gildehaus is a player in the Shadows for the Core Mechanics, and has been with the team since the Descension.

Official League Records

Gildehaus joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Core Mechanics during the Descension.

On Season 17, Day 88, Gildehaus joined the Mechanics' pitching rotation in exchange for Polkadot Patterson via the Core Pillar Center's Fax Machine.

During the Season 17 elections, Gildehaus retreated to the Mechanics' Shadows as a result of the Mechanics' Move will, resulting in a combined 10.3 -> 10.9 stat increase.

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.



Appearance

Kofi Gildehaus is a tall, thin, skeletal individual. They have the skull of an antelope, with rusted barbed wire twisting through their bone and twisted into the shape of a flower in their left eye socket. Gildehaus always wears a black three-piece suit which hangs off their body and is stained by both moss and rust.

Personal Life

Gildehaus is a Core Fairy or Core Fae, one of the inhabitants of another overlapping Core notable for not possessing any urban centers or industrial development beyond that which is inherent to the Core.

They have lived in the Core since long before anyone came Down from the Up and see even the oldest of the new arrivals as faintly entertaining children, though have some respect for Mira Lemma as a Foundry Demon and certain versions of Christian Combs when they meet them. They frequent both DownTown and the impossible, twisting forest of glass trees which reach from cavern floor to roof and scream in the wind, reflecting back a face with eyes that are not yours, stalked by an eight legged predator with sixty forms and a taste for the memories of sleeping mortals, which exists somewhat analogously to where DownTown is in the unCore. Gildehaus has described the glass forest as refreshingly peaceful and states that the predator is excellent company and has a great hook up for some harder to source Darjeelings.

Gildehaus runs the Secret Base Cafe, identifying it as a tea shop in the interests of rejecting nominative determinism. While the Cafe is nominally currency free, Gildehaus does tend to expect some payment for services rendered usually in the form of hand crafted items, nationalbooktokens.com giftcards, personal details, songs, marshmallows, memories, names, works of art, homemade food, or small pots. While Gildehaus may forgive polite customers and simply request favours or even let them on their way, they do occasionally take offense at those who break unspoken codes of social interaction, attempt to give them second rate merchandise and especially those who simply thank them and leave. Consequences for raising Gildehaus’s ire range from having nightmares for a few days, to losing one’s name and having to go out to find it, to being trapped in the forest with no clear means of escape. In a statement, team management stated that they’re working with Gildehaus in the hopes of encouraging them to let minor infractions of inane and arcane unspoken social rules slide and that Gildehaus was very sorry. Team management then apologized for their lack of any other personal identifiers, as Gildehaus had taken offense to having someone else apologize on their behalf.

Gildehaus is incapable of lying unless it is framed as bluffing in a card game, and so often conducts deals over games of cards. They also appear in Dlungeons and Drlagons as a Warlock Patron option though it’s unknown if they can give magical powers in real life.

Gildehaus has stated that they came up with the name ‘Secret Base’ first and that the ILB are thieves and violators of copyright, though has at no point presented proof of this beyond their alleged inability to lie. Nevertheless they maintain that they have nothing to do with the other Secret Base that vanishes people or consumes their souls and that the name is a coincidence.

Blaseball

Gildehaus signed up to the Core Mechanics a few months after they were originally formed, in part out of curiosity and in part to ensure that no inhabitant of the Core was not tied to the Wild Hunt in some way.

Gildehaus was not intending to actually play Blaseball and was rather grateful for their prompt retirement following their brief stint on the field. They rarely-to-never attend shadow pitching practice and have on several occasions declared the splort to be boring and a waste of their time. Nevertheless, they do participate in Core Organization S.H.A.D.O.W.S., mostly by taking charge of refreshments.

The Wild Hunt

Despite their appearance as a simple teashop fae, Gildehaus is also a member of the Wild Hunt and serves as a connection between the Hunt and the team. They see it as their duty to ensure that the natural order is fulfilled and that the souls of the dead are taken to the trench. While dead teammates such as Ruffian Applesauce may serve as more friendly introductions to the afterlife, Gildehaus is notable for having a compassionless attitude and being willing to summon the motorcycle-riding, chase-loving members of the Wild Hunt to chase any wayward soul towards their final destination.

It is believed that the death of Hands Scoresburg came as a result of a deal made with Gildehaus to ensure that Scoresburg would be remembered in exchange for their original name. Scoresburg was the first dead player of those who descended with the breach.

Over time, as Gildehaus has formed closer bonds with their teammates, they have gentled somewhat in their outlook. It’s said that they were frequently kind to Cote Loveless III and did their best to comfort Adelaide Judochop following returning her to the Hall.

Relationships

Gildehaus is friendly with Hellmouth Sunbeams player Harriet Gildehaus, and has stated that they won their name over a game of poker but were convinced to share it in the interests of ‘it would be funny’.

They are semi-close with the Shadow Mechanics, due to the Secret Base cafe being treated as a meeting spot by that group (and the fact that their ties to Blaseball nullify Gildehaus’s ability to banish them to alternate dimensions or steal their names). However Gildehaus tends to keep a bit of a distance as they are aware that it will most likely fall to them to take all of their teammates to the Trench.

They tend not to interact with Psychopomps from other teams due to them being ‘too nice’ in a way that apparently makes Gildehaus feel judged.

Gildehaus’s closest friendship on the team was Christian Combs, due to their theoretical immortality as a Fire Eater. Combs’ redaction hit them hard, as well as confirming their conviction that the dead should stay dead and that violating the natural order will only cause pain.