Freemium Seraph/IF-0.100

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Freemium Seraph at their Rumor Registry.

Background

When asked about their history, Seraph has been perfectly candid about not remembering any of it. Their first memory is falling out of the sky, holding on tightly to their bass guitar, and crash landing in Tokyo. Seraph wandered around long enough to determine that they weren’t completely human, but weren’t entirely sure what they were.

Eventually Seraph took its guitar to a music store and asked about its origins. The awestruck proprietor told Seraph that the guitar was a legendary item, and spent twenty-one minutes explaining its backstory, symbolic importance, appearances throughout history, and significance to two separate rock and roll prophecies. Seraph has said they don’t remember any of this, but they do remember that the guitar was made of an element called freemium, which was a cool enough name that they adopted it for themself.

Seraph spent most of its time as a wandering musician. Over time it realized that the supernatural properties of the guitar interacted with its own supernatural properties, allowing them to walk through walls, float, and play some nasty bass lines.

Joining the Tokyo Lift

Seraph wandered throughout Japan, and occasionally made forays into the rest of east Asia, filling in for local bands and busking. Eventually word reached Yusef Fenestrate, a student of music-based phenomena. Having recently joined the Tokyo Lift, Fenestrate reached out to Seraph, who happily joined the team.

During the seventh inning stretch, Seraph enjoys meeting fans in the stands and will occasionally play their bass for entertainment. All current and former musicians on other teams, or even music enthusiasts, have described having conversations with Seraph about music. These conversations have been in turns thoughtful, emotionally stirring, vaguely disturbing, and hysterically funny. Seraph has claimed that they consider it a win any time they hear about a new music genre, and by this metric, it has never lost a game.

Seraph will not bat with its bass. Stop asking.

Going to the Canada Moist Talkers

After spending several seasons resisting the siren call of other teams and new musical cultures to explore, Seraph got into a record nine-hour-long debate/conversation/argument/emotional catharsis with Ziwa Mueller about the history of punk music. Former Lift teammate Cudi Di Batterino, who had been homesick, offered to return to Tokyo so that Seraph could explore the Canadian punk scene.

Initially there were some concerns about Seraph’s ability to adapt to Sunken Halifax, as well as concerns about how freemium (the metal) would react with water. Seraph used its abilities to hover above the water as much and as long as it could. Finally, after they got tired of the separation from their teammates, it plunged into the water in a very unscientific manner and discovered that they could breathe underwater so long as its guitar was nearby.

Seraph happily went about befriending the Canada Moist Talkers, in particular Mueller and fellow punk rocker Randy Dennis. The trio and various other Moist Talkers members have had a number of bands, most of which are now defunct. Even following its transition to the shadows and Mueller’s transfer to Yellowstone, Seraph joyfully continued making music in Canada.