Randall Marijuana's Cat/C-Charlemange

Cat / Community Lore
Randy's Cat Cáfe is actually home to several cats, but Randy was too stoned to realize it. If you would like to see a list of all cats in the cáfe, or give a new cat a home in the Cáfe, click Randy's Cat Cáfe. This system is based on the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, which can be read all about at Interdimensional Rumor Mill.

Charlemange

Taken from "Old Opossum's Guide of Finicky Felines" by S. L. Steams

Out of every cat (I've seen many, at that)

In the Hellmouth's Unusual Fauna

There's none more strange than Charlemange

Owned by Randall Marijuana

He's a regal sort, with his whiskers trimmed short

And his coat always freshly groomed

You could see your reflection, should it be his election

To let you look without being consumed

For if Charlemange smiles- he does once in a while-

His jaw opens unusually wide

And so many teeth will become unsheathed-

Like a vortex of daggers inside!

And you might feel a pull, like he's gripped your soul-

Pulling you further in

And you can scream and shout, but you'll never get out

Not once your harvesting begins

Now have no fear, for when Randy is near

Charlemange's just a normal cat

But if Randy's out fishin', and that mouth starts twitchin'

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

So if you see Charlemange, and a look you exchange,

And you catch a sort of gleam in his eye,

You can admire from far, but stay right where you are-

Unless of course dear Randy's nearby!

Out of every feline (and there's many, you might find)

That stroll around Randy's house

Charlemange's the one that ended me, I'm done,

And he'll never ever let me out

And he'll never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever

ever

let

me

OUT