Parker Parra/IF-23.24

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Parker Parra at their Rumor Registry.

Origins - Tangled in the Third Dimension

Once, Parker Parra was just a being in the 5th dimension making their way through life before they became entangled in the planar convolutions around the Crabitat. The whole thing was a big fuss for both Parker and the League, as their fifth-dimensional flailing caused considerable damage to the dimensions immediately next to them. Fortunately Parker came to an arrangement with the ████ to be folded into an approximation of a 3 dimensional form and join the IBL full time with the understanding that when their material form was destroyed they could continue venturing through 5th dimensional space. How this deal interacts with the intricacies of the Hall of Flame is yet to be understood, though we look forward to finding out.

Reportedly over time Parker found out they actually enjoy playing blaseball, and the wide variety of experiences on the Immaterial Plane. In a recent interview, they confessed that "honestly, there's more going on in the Immaterial plane than in the 5 dimensional one."

Pitching Statistics

Statistically, Parra has one of the strongest pitching arms in the ILB and under unobserved conditions has achieved pitch speeds of up to ████mph However, they seemingly refuse to pitch over 30mph. Parra has been quoted as saying that "It just wouldn't be fair on them. The speed would be fatal, even seeing it would blind you lot for a week at least. No. Not happening".

UFO sightings in and around Baltimore have increase by 500% since Parra was signed. Reports of "motes of light", "clusters of suspended spheres" and "blaseballs raining from the sky" are common. Investigations into these phenomena are ongoing.

Relationship with Linear Time

As an entity of the fifth dimension, Parker has a stated interest in the movement of people and objects through time. This came to the attention of the public during a season 3 post-season interview, where a reporter asked pointed questions regarding the future of the Crabs and the expected results of the elections. Parker proceeded to berate the reporter for trying to "spoil the fun" and "cheating." While at the time it was unclear what Parker was referring to, several seasons later it became clear the line of questioning was alluding to future events. When asked about their earlier rant Parker commented that they "don't appreciate when people try and skip ahead, it ruins the whole thing".

The question of whether Parker can travel through the dimension of "time" in their current form is unclear, though other time traveling players in the league had reported seeing them in unexpected temporal locations. Parker is adamant however that they were simply on their way to the stadium and taking a shortcut through the Neolithic period.

Ascension

After winning three championships with the Baltimore Crabs, Parker Parra ascended to the big leagues alongside the rest of the team. Coming back with a flinch however, their already middling batting meant they could rarely get on base. When the opportunity arose they were traded to the Boston Flowers for the Crab’s old star hitter, Nagomi Mcdaniel.

On the Boston Flowers

Parker Parra spent a single season pitching for the Boston Flowers before being traded back to the Crabs for their star pitcher Brock Forbes.

Return to the Crabs - Changes

After their season away in Boston Parra returned to the Crabs in good spirits, and despite their abysmal pitching, enjoyed reuniting with their team in Baltimore.

After Parra’s brief career pitching in Baltimore, they were faxed back down into the shadows where they experienced the most peculiar thing - they got better at blaseball. Now this wasn’t unheard of, they had received boosts from the team before with Hoard Hallucinations speeding them up, and The Rack boosting their defence, and even with the Shelled One cursing them and their team. However this time the change seemed to target them specifically, and while it technically made them better, it was a deeply unsettling experience for Parra. As an entity beyond time and space it was nearly impossible for anything to truly change about them. Their form was a constant radiation in the backdrop of the universe, traversing angles and routes that could not be imaged and encompassing so much of these three dimensions that having them change Parra was nearly inconceivable.

While Parra did take a moment to call up fellow interdimensional being Brock Forbes in Boston regarding the change, who simply nodded solemnly in understanding, when Parra explained their concerns to the team captain, Kennedy Loser, he did have to take a moment to be perplexed at the issue. Parra took another stab at it to explain how “being bad at this has been a key anchor to my experiences in the 3D Immaterial and if that's not correct I don't know anything about myself or how everything works and that just takes out that pin and I'm worried that if something else happens or I bend the wrong way I'm going to unfold”. While Loser did not understand the intricacies of the 5th dimension, he did understand what an identity crisis looked like, and reminded Parra that there was a difference between growing as a person, and losing yourself. As it often was, it was the third dimensional wisdom that helped Parra accept the change, and even as they were swept off to Seattle they remembered the words from their captain and friends.