Emmett Internet

Emmett Internet
Basic Information
Team	Hellmouth Sunbeams
Status	Alive
Batting	★★★½
Pitching	½
Defense	★½
Running	(bugged)
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Opening up the pit
Coffee Style	Heavy Foam
Blood Type	AAA
Fate	29
Soulscream	IHEOAIHEOAIAOAIAAOAIAAHOAUXHOAUXHIOAOIIOAOIIEAAHAEAAHAEEHIAHEHIAHEIOAAIIOAAIIIEAXHIEAXHIHAAHEHAAHEH
Biographical Details
Species	friend :->

Emmett Internet is a lineup player for the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Internet has been a member of the team since Season 1. Their batting stance is unconventional, but they are known to be an incredibly patient hitter, sometimes waiting years for the right pitch.

Official League Records

Internet currently has no notable events in the official recordbooks.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Internet was seen going on a date with Hades Tigers batter Ren Morin during the season 3 post-season.

Some suggest that there exists a passionate rivalry between Internet and Tigers batter Jessica Telephone due to their inability to exist in the same place at the same time, though the exact nature of their relationship is unknown.

Tragic Backstory

Growing up in the SFJPEJSCMXOIKO suburb of the Hellmouth, Emmett was a bright-eyed and cheerful child, honing their catching and digestive skills by playing games of the charming local pastime "Get Rocks Thrown At You", the influence of which can still be seen in their tendency to eat the blaseball the one time every three years that the Sunbeam pitchers manage to successfully throw it their way.

Emmett achieved their current shapeless, friendly form after accidentally inventing computers at the age of fifteen, and inadvertently entering a pact that exchanged their body for a "cloud" on which the new Internet would be born. In theory, the sheer amount of sensitive and personal data stored on their incorporeal databanks would grant them unmatched power, if only they could read.

Personality

Emmett Internet has "artisinal, hand-crafted, locally-sourced hipster vibes." They are often seen riding a custom tall bicycle in circles anywhere there is flat terrain and green beet juice. There have been reports of the normally-elusive Internet stalking denziens and talking excitedly about gluten-free pop-up raw bag of Icelandic ready made kitsch putine and hexagonal charocal sed kogi.

Emmett well known online as a notorious digital pirate. He still uses Limewire and always seeds torrents. Other players have asked him to burn illegal mixtape CDs for them, but he always ends up melting them due to "UNCLEAR INSTRUCTIONS". The Garages hate him because he doesn't pay for their music.

To this day he has also never paid for Photoshop.

Rivalry

Emmett Internet once called out Famous Owens in the Hellmouth Antique Trumpet Hunter Weekly, saying Owens was "incredibly supportive to their team and family" and that "if Owens tried to public static void main, it wouldn't even println! lol." Owens never actually read the article, because it was a PDF. Eight years later Owens was enjoying a vat of pickled spaghetti with a friend when the friend brought up the article. Owens immediately wrote a ten page letter addressed to Emmett Internet that suggested that he needed to see a therapist and stop sharing so many internet memes and that chat rooms were no substitute for real social interaction and mailed it to the Hellmouth Antique Trumpet Hunter Weekly. The letter was lost in the mail due to an experimental mail sorting machine that was deployed ahead of the Season 4 elections.

Gallery

• 

  Emmett's season 2 blaseball clard, by discord user Ephesos

• Emmett's walkup music, by discord user OmySpy

• 

  by discord user SonnenstrAAL

• 

  By twitter user @VVVisection

• 

  emmet by @churgalax